You Should've Never Came Back
by theWanderingANBU
Summary: When Shinji stopped Third Impact, he was hailed as a hero. But what if life had a different path for him, and also a different path for her? Four years later, life wasn't the same anymore [S x A]
1. Rebirth 1: Destruction and Slow Rebirth

**Well, here's another story that I was going to create into a one-story, but realized it couldn't be done, with the events I have in mind for the story to happen, it would be impossible. Anywayz, about this story. It could have the same plot that many other stories use (Asuka and Shinji depart ways...yada yada yada) but give this a shot. I wrote this because I've refallen in love with EVA, and I want to PROVE that the ASUKA/SHINJI pairing is possible over time, not right away like many stories show. That's the point I try and make with every story is that it's not possible for Asuka and Shinji to happen unless time helped them to learn about each and realize one thing; they're one in the same.**

**Anyways, please Review this too! I wanna know what you think because it's important to me! So enough of my rambling and enjoy!**

**-theWanderingANBU**

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When it was all over, he blacked out, the EVA shut down and fell to the Earth, causing a seismic reaction that made the world seem to shake. The world was in complete silence, nothing could be heard. It seemed as if a remote had turned it mute while the fallen hero had became the beast that shouted "I" to the heart of the world. He had finally done it, he had finally stood up and became the young man he always wanted to be. And when he woke up a few days later, things started to change.

He never knew what had happened, nor wanted to remember it. Third Impact, Instrumentality, death, everything that he dreaded in life was what he was trying to run away from. Sure, this time he made the right choice and decided to not kill everyone, even if his pain would only magnify and continue to manifest. This time, he made the right choice even though it meant people were near death, and that the war could possibly continue between mankind and the Angels. Even if could mean that he finally could let go of EVA, and pilot no more, than it was good. This time to him, he hadn't ran away, he hadn't let his fear get the best of him.

However, after the end of it all, the peace making, and SEELE had been destroyed, he ran away. He ran away from it all, from the city he saved and that had hailed him as a hero, from his friends who were still alive and thanking the Gods that they were still alive, and most of all, he ran away from her when she was finally fragile, ready to open up.

But once again, he ran away…

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Rebirth 1: Destruction; and the Slow Rebirth

Four years ago was the day she would never forget, nor let it slip from her grasp. It was the day that many were left in bewilderment like her, when he took his bag and walked away. She ran to try and catch up to him, she tried to make sure he didn't leave. Hell, the memories was still as fresh as an open wound, and the mere recollection of it made tears stream from her eyes. It was as if it were only yesterday…

**Four Years Ago –**

"Where are you going?" said Asuka, huffing and running as fast as her legs could carry her. She could see him just walking with a drooped head and a bag in one hand.

"I'm going Asuka, I'm going to leave her, and leave the place I curse under my breath." Shinji snapped without turning around, still walking towards his destination; the train station. He had to leave this place that he couldn't stay in, for fear of the love and admiration he was receiving would only turn to rejection later.

"Why would you curse this place? What causes you to be that way? Are you being the spineless wimp again? Damn it Shinji, you acting like an idiot!" snapped Asuka while Shinji stopped in his tracks, and a silence had followed them and covered them, for no words could be expressed now.

"Shinji," began Asuka after the long silence, "you can't leave, not now. Not after saving us all, not after stopping SEELE from Third Impact, they love you Shinji, they love you for doing that. The world thanks you for doing that, you disobeyed what the future held for you. You shaped you DESTINY, and most of all, you didn't run away."

"Shinji," once again began Asuka, walking towards the trembling Shinji, wrapping her arms around him, "you can't leave because you were meant to be here, you can't leave because…," her pride kicked in and somehow she couldn't say it.

"Because what Asuka? Because no one would cook for you? You'd have no one to tease? Hit? What?" said Shinji with a tint of anger in his voice, "Asuka forget it, I can't stay here, and I'm tired of it. Without EVA, I have no purpose here I'm sorry." And with that, he took his arms off of him. She couldn't say anything at all, she couldn't say anything to him, and now she was falling back into that barricade around her heart.

"How can you leave and run away?! How can you be who you don't want to be, and become the coward you've never tried to change from. Why?" snapped Asuka while Shinji stopped once again in his tracks.

"I'm like that Asuka, I've always been like this. I never wanted to be here, never wanted to. But I couldn't let others get hurt. Now that this is settled, I have to leave and get outta here so I can get away from the pain." retorted Shinji, his face drooping low once again. How could he be so open to her this time and never earlier?

"Then why did you have to stay here in the first place? Why did you have to meet me and everyone else. You shouldn't have stayed here if that was the case!" snapped Asuka with a venom in her voice, one that Shinji was all but familiar too.

"Because I had EVA, I had to protect everyone, even if my life wasn't of value to them. I wanted my Father's acceptance! I wanted someone to love me!" snapped Shinji, yelling the last lines for the world to hear.

Asuka didn't know what to say, these words were slowly tearing her apart limb by limb, taking away the very pride she had and making her realize the slowing common bond between her and Shinji. Yearning for love, yearning for attention, yet pushing them away from them for fear of not getting hurt; in other terms as Misato put it "The Hedgehog's Dilemna". This was something she understood completely, like when her mother died and thought she was a doll. She yearned for love, like he did. Slowly, as if a veil were being lifted off between the two, she saw herself inside of him and that this feeling was what she had to push away. She was the great Asuka Langley Sorhyu for Christ's sake!

"Fine then, run away and leave us here! The Invincible Shinji Ikari is running away from the good he did? You want love yet you run away from it! Haven't you realized that there are people that do love you? What about Misato? Pen-pen? The stooges?" asked Asuka, continuing on but leaving herself out, hoping he wouldn't notice. Fortunately, he noticed and just answered back.

"They don't, I'm nothing to them. I almost killed Toji! I'm a burden to Misato, and to everyone else! How am I loved Asuka? No one loves me, I've never been given affection, I've never experienced it. They all said nice things to me because I pilot EVA!" snapped Shinji while Asuka couldn't help but continue.

"Is that what you really see yourself as in front of them? Is that what your reflection shows to them? You create your own perception of yourself to others! Don't lean on them to create your identity! You create your own identity! You are the idiot I've always thought you were." Snapped Asuka with her arms wrapped around her chest. She couldn't let herself go on with the suffering she was going through. But now, she was unleashing the pain on him and they both knew it.

"I'm sorry Asuka, but I have to go. You don't get it do you? I don't, people have already judged me, like you …" said Shinji, repicking up his bags and walking, leaving Asuka standing there with surprise and pain. While he walked away from her, he never noticed the pain she was going through, he never noticed the tears that were falling from her face, he never noticed the vulnerability she had allowed to be shown. Worst of all, he didn't notice the heart he had shattered and broken into pieces to where it could never recover, and he never noticed the truth and vindication from her voice.

Now it was too late, and this time Asuka did fail. But inside, she felt like her world had collapsed and that she had lost him for good. And for once, she felt the tears on her face were real. And from that day on she never truly felt the same.

-**Present**

"Life hasn't been the same without you around…" thought Asuka while standing there, looking out towards the city on the porch of her home. She still lived with Misato since she was just a freshman in college. She figured that there was no point to moving out yet, because she wanted to save her money to get a better home than this. Sure, NERV paid her millions and all, but she wanted to earn it on her own and prove that she could get it herself. Plus, her and Misato had gotten closer ever since that night, because it was Misato who had helped comfort her. Asuka never thought that Misato could honestly help but in the end she did.

"Asuka! What are you doing over there? I need your help setting up for the party!" trailed Misato's voice, causing Asuka to wake up from her daydream. She sighed and began to walk back towards the kitchen.

Ever since Shinji had left, the place the food hadn't been good, not even close to good. Really, both her and Misato couldn't cook anything well. Everything else, from the cleaning to laundry was up to par, but the cooking was a catastrophe. Everyday the kitchen was like a war, where food would fly everywhere and the food would be the secret weapon. However, the secret weapon would never taste that well, but food was food in this case.

"Asuka, can you put up some more decorations please? WE need to make this place look great for the party!" said Misato while checking on the food in the oven, making sure it wasn't burnt or anything. Once again, Asuka walked away from the kitchen, going to the closet where the decorations were. There, she found the many decorations needed and began to put them around the house, showing festivity and fun.

"Wait, so why are we doing this again?" asked Asuka with a tone of aggravation in her voice, still putting up the decoration. Mistao just gave a quick sigh and smiled, and went out of the kitchen to help Asuka with the decorations.

"Well, you're turning eighteen now right? I want you to have a great party tonight! Is there a problem with that?" questions Misato with a light tone behind it.

"Well, what if I don't want to celebrate it like this!?" snapped Asuka with the fierceness she always carried. A death glare ensued the remark, causing Misato to flinch.

"C'mon Asuka, it's not every year that you turn eighteen, and besides, you've officially become an adult. Technically I have no jurisdiction on you. Isn't that good enough to celebrate?" snapped back Misato while Asuka kept her glare on.

"Like that is really the best thing to celebrate?!" snapped Asuka again, not realizing the trap she set for herself.

"Oh, is that so? You don't want to have jurisdiction? I could make it to where you won't have freedom until you're twenty-one…" continued on Misato while Asuka realized the mistake, shaking her head violently and saying no, causing Misato to laugh it off.

"Whatever Asuka, just try to have a fun time tonight ok? Besides you'll have all of your friends over…well…mostly Toji's friends and Hikari and Rei…forget it. Let's just make this a forgettable night!" said Misato with a smile, getting Asuka to relax and let a smile on her face.

"Alright Misato, I'll try…" said Asuka in a defeated tone, finishing up the decorations for the party.

When the decorations were set, and the food done, Asuka double checked everything, from looking closely at the decorations to trying some of the food, and everything seemed like it was going to be perfect. The setting was perfect, the area was perfect, everything.

"This time, I think we finally got it Misato!" said Asuka with a bright smile, this time feeling legitimately happy. For now, it seemed everything was going to go well for the night. Even if her mind were still on Shinji, the fact that this seemed good for now made it fall deeper into her mind. Now, she could forget about him and what happened, forget about everything.

"Asuka, you should go and get ready now, the party'll start really soon, and you need to look your best for the party." Misato exclaimed while Asuka only turned to look at the woman with admiration.

"Thanks Misato, thanks for everything." said Asuka, allowing herself to let loose instead of the barricade she would wear. Usually, Asuka wouldn't say thank you for anything, but for some reason it seemed that she couldn't hold it in.

"Asuka, you're in for a real treat tonight…" thought Misato to herself taking a swig of a fresh Yebisu beer from the can.

Misato felt a sigh escape from her chest while she looked around to find the place empty again; empty like it had always truly been. Sure she had Asuka, but that's it really, and Pen-pen didn't come out much ever since Shinji came. In fact, the poor guy too seemed really depressed, except he couldn't wear a façade like Asuka.

"Poor guy…" thought Misato, taking another swig of her beer. She didn't know how to feel anymore. Kaji was gone and dead, NERV no longer existed, and Ritsuko was dead. Nothing, absolutely nothing remained for Misato to do. Plus, she was in her thirties now, and settling down seemed like a good idea, but she couldn't. Guys were only hitting on her for her looks, and only lusted after her. No one came even close to the way Kaji was like to her, not even close to how Shinji was to her.

"Shinji, I wonder how you're doing…" thought Misato while sitting there, until something came to mind. She had to do it, because this would be the only way…slowly she got up and went to initiate the ultimate plan…

**Shower**

"This water, it's as if it were washing away the pain inside…the pain that I don't know why I can't let go of…" thought Asuka to herself, feeling the water cleanse her. It was like she had this load of pain on her, and it was still too great for the water to break down. Still, it slowly washed it away during the time where she was alone.

Make that, she had always been alone…

"I pushed him away, I made him leave. It wasn't everyone else, he just didn't know how to tell me. I could tell by the way he couldn't look at me, let alone hold me in his arms. Sure, he wouldn't do that, but it was a different Shinji than I was used to. And yet…still he left me here." Thought Asuka to herself, slowly feeling the pain gain more hold of her.

"It took me awhile after he left to realize how much I loved him." She continued on, this time speaking the words, "I should've known that I loved him, but it was like I couldn't register it. Not him, not the coward, spineless wimp that saved us all from imminent doom. He wasn't my type, or was he?"

Slowly she started feeling the revelations and epiphany of four years ago regrab her and tell her she made the mistake…

"He was like me, when I saw me in him, I should've realized it. But I was too afraid. Too afraid to get near him!" began Asuka while tears formed in her eyes, "I didn't want to be hurt again, not by anyone, and thus I let no one get near me, and yet he did! He broke through the barriers I set somehow…and yet he left me. Why didn't you hold me Shinji, why didn't you kiss me? Didn't you get it? I couldn't allow you near me, but I wanted you like you wanted me! And now look at me!" snapped Asuka, looking at her hands and trembling, "I feel alone again! I feel so stupid! Damn it Shinji…"

She realized all of this and smiled, realizing how pathetic she was. Today it was a time to have fun, and she wasn't going allow this to bug her. So she got out of the shower and wrapped a red towel around her.

When she stepped to the door way, she called for Misato to take her turn, even she was allowed to have her private time.

**Misato**

"Misato! You can take your shower now!" yelled Asuka from the bathroom, catching a busy Misato offguard, who tensed up at the sound.

"I'll be there in a second!" said Misato, coming out of the kitchen and walking towards her bedroom, grabbing some clothes to change into.

After the showers and after getting ready, the party began to start with Hikari and Touji coming together, like they had always for the past year and a half. They had been getting close after Asuka finally hooked them up, after Hikari built up the courage since Touji was nearly oblivious to everything. Still, they hooked up and have been happier ever since, which caused Asuka to smile partly. She was happy for her friends, happy for everything, but at the same time she hated it. Hated watching her friends get happier and start to becoming couples and in love. It caused her to wonder what it would be like to be with Shinji like that, to have someone who did love her and showed kindness to her without being asked, and with Shinji there it seemed like she felt healed, complete, but most of all, she felt one with Shinji.

"Hey Hikari and stooge number 1" said Asuka with a cheered up voice, putting on her patented fake smile. Hikari and Touji looked at her and smiled with a real smile, thinking she was happy.

"Hey Asuka, happy birthday and thanks for letting us come over!" said Hikari with a bright smile, causing Asuka to really smile this time. Hikari and Asuka had been friends ever since Asuka came to the school, and since then they've had a bond no one else could form with her. In fact, they were sometimes inseparable from each other, unless Touji wanted to take Hikari on a date.

"Yeah thanks for inviting us!" said Touji with a smile, really happy to be there. Really, ever since Shinji left, and everyone tried to comfort her, Asuka had become more friendly towards everyone, though she carried the same spirit. Still, he could tell Asuka had changed one way or another, and it had done her good. As for Touji, Asuka started to like him and realized he wasn't so bad after all, though he still was a pervert here and there. That didn't stop them from becoming good friends though.

"Hey, who's going to say hello to me?" snapped another familiar voice that came from the outside. Asuka knew who it was right away, and prepared to tease this person like normal.

"Who cares about another stooge coming? Besides, you're probably going to try and video tape something again. That's always like you isn't it Kensuke?" said Asuka with a teasing voice, while he reached the door, a smile on his face.

"Yeah, yeah, but you can't say I'm going to record anything, I left my camera at home. Besides, it's your birthday, I can't have the Red-Haired demon mad at me! Ow!" said Kensuke teasing at first, only getting punched in the arm by Asuka.

"You still call me that, eh Kensuke?" said Asuka with a warmed up voice. Kensuke only laughed a little.

"At least it doesn't hurt that bad anymore…" said Kensuke with a sigh, causing Asuka to chuckle.

Kensuke and Asuka were definitely on better terms now, because at first they really couldn't get along. After a long while, it took Kensuke to finally act "mature" in her terms to get her to warm up; they had fun together while going to go see a movie with Touji and Hikari. That's when Asuka and Kensuke started getting friendly with each other, to the point where they could even laugh at stuff together.

"Well, thanks for coming anyway Kensuke…" said Asuka while Kensuke walked in, taking looking around at the decorations and smiling.

"Oh and Asuka! Where do we put the gifts?" asked Hikari while still being held by Touji, which Asuka pointed at the table.

"Hey where's Misato by the way?" asked Touji with curiosity which earned him a glare from Hikari.

"Still have those hentai thoughts about her eh Touji?" asked Asuka trying to get Touji embarrassed, and immediately she saw him turn shades of red you'd never seen.

"You still think that I do? I've got someone even better right now, right in my arms." Said Touji, kissing Hikari on the forehead which caused her to blush.

"Told you he had a sensitive side…" said Hikari with a "i-told-you-so" tone, causing Asuka to give a defeated "hmph".

When all the guests had finished arriving, meaning Kensuke, the party had begun. They started out just talking and hanging out, getting Asuka to feel happy and realize that life was meant celebrating again. Sure, she had been happy from time to time, but it wasn't the same, and yet somehow today was causing her to realize so many things, like the fact that you need to have fun and seize the day, not to let anything keep you from having fun.

"Alright now let's have some cake!" said Misato with a cheer, bringing out the cake onto the front room table, everyone sat there and watched while Asuka blew out the cakes, smiling with every second passing.

"This was something that you needed, wasn't it Asuka?" thought Misato to herself, drinking a beer while watching them interact. She hadn't seen Asuka as happy as now, and hopefully it was going to be a night she would never forget.

However, she didn't prepare for the next event that would change her life once again.

RING! Went the doorbell, something Asuka was shocked at. Who would come to her at this time of night? Or at this festivity? Or for even Misato?

"I'll get it Misato!" said Asuka, running up to the door with a smile, ready to say yell or smile, depending on the person. However, she was caught completely off guard when she opened the door, and only her eyes could open wide to the shock.

"May I come in? I'm sorry I'm late…"


	2. Rebirth 2: Reunion

**Well, to let everyone know on here, I'm in another theater production! Which can be hailed as both good news and bad news. The good news is that I'm becoming a better actor and I'm learning, the bad news is that my updating will not be that fast. So I'm sorry if I don't update as soon as I used to (though I haven't been lately) but I'll try my best. As for this, I hope this is a good chapter, I've ended it on a strong line that will be a main point in the story. It's long, and I might've added stuff not needed, or repeated some, but that's where I hope you tell me in the reviews! Please review this, as I hope I can learn about what you enjoy, dislike, what I could do to make this better, etc.  
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Rising Dragon: I'm updating now, hopefully you like it :P**

**AEStylez: I just did :D**

**WebKnight: well, I can't tell you whether or not Misato was calling Shinji or not, and how she knew, because it'll all be explained in later chapters. Otherwise I hope you like this next installment**

**jcmoorehead: Thanks for the constructive criticism, it helps and I'm glad you liked it. Hopefully this next chapter will make this story even better, and hopefully the pacing is just as well along with the reading.**

**Eric Blair: Thanks for the compliment, I hope you like this chapter**

**Hououza: You Reviewed!!! I love your work and I feel honored that you reviewed my work. I'm glad you liked it and agree with me, let's see how well this chapter is. And we'll see what happens with Asuka, but in due time we'll see how Shinji is too.**

**bigguy1234: thanks for the review and I hope to see you this chapter also.**

**keyblade-00: Thanks, I hope the emotions are well written in this one to, Enjoy!**

**Rahhel: I know the relationship between Asuka and the stooges are weird, but I think that she would've finally become at least able to bear them. But I'm glad you enjoyed it!**

**ERROR089: Thanks for all the compliments, I'm glad you still like it though it still uses one of the many storyline basics many people use for a story. Anways, maybe this'll make it a little bit different at least?**

**Well that's all for now, and that was pretty long. Now enjoy the chapter!**

**-theWanderingANBU**

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Rebirth 2: Reunion

"May I come in? I'm sorry I'm late…" said Rei, having a monotone voice. Asuka looked at her with a light smile.

"You finally showed up Wondergirl, I thought you never would," said Asuka with a playful tone and banter, getting no emotion at all, "But who cares, I'm just glad you're here. Come on, sit at the table, we're just about to eat some cake and –," that's when she froze, standing in place.

The young man standing there in front of Asuka, giving his usual nervous smile. Asuka couldn't move nor could she budge. There he was, the one that left her there, broken and down. He was the one that left her to become who she was now. Here she was, the memories seeping in, and the hollow shell she wore now breaking again.

"Wh-wh-what the --?," stammered Asuka while her eyes stared into the gaping blue puddles that seemed deep. Deeper than anything she had felt before, deeper than what they once were. They were empty still, hollow, as if a crevice that only had a void inside. No life carried inside, nothing to bare comfort.

"Hey, how's it going Misato?" he asked, standing there still with his nervous smile intact. Asuka still stood there still frozen with nothing on her face, nor seeming as if she had life in her.

"Good, what're you doing here though? I thought you were gone for good…"

"I decided to come back, I think it's time I started to not run away from anything, but to continue going forward with life."

"Really? What got you thinking that?"

"A lot of things I guess, something I didn't expect actually…"

"Didn't expect eh? Was it me, or could it have been Asuka?"

"M-M-Misato! What're you saying! Stop doing that to me!"

"I knew it, you came back for her didn't you? But I thought you liked me…"

"Misato, you know I like you! Just not that way though…"

"Relax I'm only teasing you. You're still the same as always, it's glad to see you back…"

"…Shinji…"

"I'm just glad to be back, I need to be here, now where's Asu-,"he continued, as if ignoring Asuka that was in front of him. However, when he finally looked into her eyes he could see something inside of them. Something barely inside of her eyes, that seemed dulled and destroyed. There what he saw was what she had become; a hollow shell with something inside. He couldn't understand nor could he see it, but he knew something was inside.

"Whoa, hey everyone?! It's been a long time!" he stammered with a shocked look and smiled around, looking around the place and feeling shocked. This wasn't what he expected to come home to. He could here mutterings of things like "He's back," across the room, and immediately things felt a little bit weird for him

"What's all this Misato?" he asked looking around. The decorations seemed very festive for something, though he couldn't place it on his tongue. He knew that there was something special about this day, something that was always made a big deal about it. What is a holiday? No, NERV never made anymore holidays nor did Tokyo-3 for that matter. In fact, what was there to celebrate when they had to rebuild three-fourths of the city?

"Well, today is Asuka's eighteenth birthday," continued Misato, and immediately he felt scared because of not remembering, and if Asuka was the same, well he was dead, "don't you remember?" He stood there frozen in place, slowing cringing while looking at Asuka, thinking that she was going to snap at him, because she always made it a point to him that it was her birthday. He couldn't forget it, because every time he did, it gave him a punch in the stomach, or a kick in the….well, you know…

"Really?! I'm sorry, I forgot please don't kill me --," Shinji said with a scared tone, closing his eyes and anticipating the blow, only to feel nothing and silence ensuing behind it. He looked at her and all she could do was stand frozen in place, but something else was different. For what she contained were tears.

"Asuka? What is it? Once again I apologize for not bringing you a gift…" he stated with a nervous smile, only to slowly feel the rage coming off of Asuka, though it was different. Normally, you would feel as if the world was burning and you were being consumed by this fire. But this time, it was of a dying flame, only filled with hurt and pain. Pain from something so long ago, pain from a loss that he couldn't understand, couldn't bare.

"You should've never come back…YOU SHOULD'VE NEVER COME BACK YOU JERK!" Asuka snapped, trying to run out of the place with tears streaming down her face. Shinji caught her by her arm while he stood there, looking at her.

"Asuka, why should I have never came back? What did I --"

SLAP! The sound resonated throughout the whole entire room while Shinji stood there shocked, the mark fresh on his face. His arm let go of Asuka while it seemed he was frozen in place, his mind frozen with nothing inside it. What was going on here? What caused her to be this way? It couldn't be the time he left because she seemed to act like it didn't matter to her, or at least he thought so.

She ran out of the room with silent tears falling, like rain falling ever so silently on the earth. It was a kind of silence that would scare you, hurt you, cut you into pieces on the inside, or just leave scars on the inside. It was the type only experienced when the pain you felt was your own doing, when you inflicted it upon yourself one way or another.

"Asuka…what happened here?" thought Shinji while he stood there frozen, his hand rising up to his face slowly. He had never felt something sting as harsh as this slap, since he had been slapped by another girl he had dated. Well, it was just one date really. It turned out that the crush she thought she had on him wasn't real, but rather fake.

"I don't know what to do…something's definitely not right here…" thought Shinji to himself, slowly slipping back into reality and realizing that he was just slapped by her, Asuka, for something he wasn't sure happened.

"What was that for?" asked Shinji in shock and pain at the same time, wincing at his hand touching the spot again.

"Well, I can't tell you Shinji, you'll have to find out from her…" said Misato while walking back towards the kitchen. Shinji stood there, contemplating what to do…none of this makes sense, not to him at least…

---Somewhere---

She couldn't understand her thought process anymore, it didn't make sense to her. Why did he show up at this time? What caused him to show up?

The crisp chill of the wind sent shivers down her spine, and goose bumps showed up everywhere, becoming mountains on her porcelain like skin. She sighed to her self, wondering why did she forget to run off without a jacket this time? She looked around the area, realizing that she had run off to the hill that she had been with Shinji and Rei on. She didn't want to remember that, nor would she remember the memory, and yet she couldn't help it. She wanted everything to be the way it was then, with her and Rei and…and…Shinji.

It was so weird that she wanted him and yet she didn't want him now. She knew she was hurt and that the memory of him leaving never left her mind, never wavered. It found a home in her, in her mind and thoughts. Whenever she would drift off in her sleep, the memory would replay itself, to torture its little helpless victim. You could see tears in her eyes and sometimes even catch little whimpers coming from her.

Hikari had been the one to always be there for her and comfort her whenever she felt the sting of the pain from his departure. Hikari had always been there to make sure she was okay, to cheer her up by taking her somewhere or just being there. That was, until Touji came into the picture. Somehow, the guy actually got the courage to ask her out, and with a answer that he never expected, they became the cutest couple anyone ever saw. Asuka could only sit in the sidelines with a pang of jealousy for her friend, but at the same time happiness. She would always look at Touji and Hikari, and then wonder if she and Shinji would be that way.

"No, it would've never happened, the baka wouldn't be able to stay near me if he was embarrassed. Hell, we would've never gone out unless I asked him out," thought Asuka with a little grin to herself, "He was to shy to do any of that, he'd always run away from it."

Somehow, the thought of that slowly got her to get her mind off of the pain of his return, or was it really that painful? Had she overreacted to him returning? Maybe, but then again she probably didn't. After seeing someone after they ran away three years ago, how could react when you realized you loved them and they left you.

She felt the cold pierce her skin again, and she began to tremble uncontrollably.

"Damn weather, being cold like this…" stammered Asuka with her teeth chattering from the cold. She tried to use her arms to warm herself up, but had no avail. It was a failing in the making, and she kept on trying to use other methods to warm up. It got to the point where she sat down and began to rub her hands, hoping that by sitting down at least she would be warm in some areas. Still, even with rubbing her palms together, and breathing into her hands, it didn't work.

"This really sucks…" thought Asuka to herself, until she felt a fabric slip over her, radiating warmth that she more than gladly took and accepted. She didn't care at the moment where it was coming from or how it got there, but she was taking it for the moment.

"Asuka, what are you doing out here? And even without a jacket, I thought the great Asuka was smarter than that…" said a voice that immediately caused her to tense up and freeze.

He sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, causing her to shudder at his touch. She looked at him immediately, and once again the memory came back at her. Shinji was there, holding her in his arms boldly while she sat in shock.

"Please, listen to me for a moment Asuka, I need to --," he tried to state, immediately cut off by Asuka.

"Let go of me Shinji, let go of me." She said boldly, and instinctively he listened to her.

"Well, Asuka I just needed to talk to you." Said Shinji with the nervousness he always had, and looking like a blush had crept upon his face. Asuka still didn't catch it, but immediately she felt her anger and pain come together and attack.

"About what Shinji? What's there to talk about? You left three years ago, and that's the end of the story. You left us all, you left me here, you left your whole life behind!" snapped Asuka, Shinji backing away from her a little bit, "You think you can just come back and expect nothing to change? How the hell does it not change when you ran away again. So what is there to talk about? What is there to say to me?"

"Asuka, please forgive me for that, you don't understand…" stammered Shinji, reverting back to his old self, not sure what to do.

"I don't understand what? Why you left us? You ran away again! Who cares about that, you left like the wimp you are." She snapped again, never giving him any chance of redemption.

"Look Asuka, I ran away again, I can admit it, but I don't know what it is that drives you to be like this towards me again. I'm sorry for leaving Asuka, I can't do anything else. Why can't you even give me a chance to speak up for myself and talk to you?" Snapped Shinji with a tint of sadness to his voice that Asuka couldn't hear; she was too hurt to allow words to seep into her.

"You always ran away, you never really stood up. I've never seen the "Invicible Shinji" stand up for anything. You've always been spineless, cowardly, you've never stood up for anything. And like I said Shinji, what is there to say? If you don't even understand why I'm like this, how could I even talk to you about it?" Asuka said with less anger, but more pain. It was attacking her now, not him.

"Asuka…" was all Shinji could mutter out. He didn't know what to say to her, because it seemed pointless to him. However, it seemed as if nothing could be said, and instead he allowed silence to take over. Immediately it laid it's blanket upon the two, causing nothing to be expressed nor heard. That was, until he couldn't take the silence and had to talk to her.

"All I can say is that I'm sorry, and I want to make things right again. Whatever it is Asuka, I want to make it up to you. What is it that is making you this way?" he asked her with a empathetic tone, something Asuka had never heard before. Maybe he was trying to change slowly, but could she accept it?

She couldn't make up her mind as what to say, because she wasn't sure that she could tell him this time. Something urged her to talk to him, something begged for her to tell him everything, to let all transgressions go and to talk to him.

"Just leave me alone, idiot." She snapped, though in her mind she screamed to let him know, begged for him to realize that she wanted him. He just turned to look out in front of him.

If she hadn't left that moment, maybe she would've been able to tell him everything. Everything she ever held inside, allowing the barrier to break inside. But she hadn't stayed, she hadn't told him everything, rather she walked away from it.

--Misato---

She stood there with a sigh of disappointment and alone. She looked around at the remaining decorations and the uneaten cake left, along with the unopened presents. After all of the planning and decorating, what was meant to be a great day turned into a catastrphe. As soon as Asuka ran off, Shinji had run off after her to catch up. After that, everyone left to go home since the mood had changed drastically.

"So much for a party…" thought Misato to herself, scanning the area once again. She decided then to watch T.V., though really nothing was worth watching. What came on T.V. now was nothing but junk since Tokyo-3 had undergone all the events. Sure, she could catch up on the many shows she missed, but what was the point? These days, it seemed every futile attempt to create enjoyment and happiness was destroyed by the gloomy attitude of the city.

When he had left, he had, everyone slowly became depressed and looked at the situation bleakly. Instead of being grateful for the lives they still had, everyone had complained and griped about what they were going to do now with the city. No one cared for what he had done, they had taken it for granted. It was as if they expected to still be alive and not realize the fact that their lives were on his shoulders. Was that why Instrumentality was created? Would it really have been better if they had allowed it to happen?

"Let's not even go there, you know it would've been bad no matter what…" she told herself, shaking off the "what ifs" that went on in her head. She had to be grateful for this life, and she couldn't thank Shinji enough for it.

"After all, he really is the savior of us all, this time he didn't run away…" she said to no one, looking at her watch to see what time it was. It was 11:30 at night, and to her it was a signal to get to sleep. She gave a quick yawn and went to go brush her teeth.

RING! Went the doorbell, causing Misato to look at it wearily and get agitated. She grumbled to herself about how people were also becoming inconsiderate in these times. When she got to the door, she opened it, seeing an Asuka standing there with a coat hugging her shoulders.

"Asuka…what's wrong?" asked Misato while Asuka just walked in without a word, an agitated look on her face.

"Why does everyone keep asking me that? Is it anyone's business?" snapped Asuka while Misato while stood there shocked at these words.

"Ok Asuka, what's going on?" snapped Misato back, not getting an answer from Asuka, "Was it Shinji? Did he find you?"

"Yeah he did Misato, and I didn't want to talk to him." Said Asuka with a lighter tone, causing Misato to relax.

"How about we talk about this over some tea?" asked Misato with a happier tone. Asuka nodded and slowly walked over to the table, sitting down and waiting while Misato brewed them some tea.

When she was done with brewing tea, Misato had poured them each a cup, and set them on the table. Asuka took hers gratefully and blew on it, waiting for the big conversation she knew she was bound to have with Misato.

"What happened Asuka?" asked Misato with a caring tone, hoping that this time she was going to get a better answer.

"The idiot found me and held me in his arms," began Asuka with a light blush on her face, "and asked me what was wrong, and I couldn't tell him."

Misato chuckled a bit, remembering how Asuka would always call him that, and it surprised him that she still called him that.

"Why couldn't you tell him Asuka?" asked Misato inquisitively while taking a sip of the tea.

"I just couldn't Misato, not after all that."

"Why couldn't you tell him?"

"After leaving like that for three years, how can anyone think they could just come back and act like nothing's happened."

"So that's really the reason why you won't tell him."

"Yes, Misato, I'm sure." Said Asuka with a normal tone of voice, taking a sip of her tea and allowing her tensing body to relax again; tea hadn't tasted so good before.

"Asuka, I don't think that's the reason you're hiding it from him." Misato replied back with a normal tone, seeing Asuka slowly tense up.

"Yes it is Misato! Why, what are you thinking?" snapped Asuka with retort, Misato just sitting there casually and calm.

"Asuka, you're afraid he's going to hurt you again aren't you?" said Misato with yet her normal inquisitive tone. Asuka flinched at that and immediately Misato caught on.

"No! It's not that, I just can't tell him that's all! He doesn't deserve to know anything because…" continued Asuka with a stop in which Misato took it to her advantage.

"You still like him don't you?"

"What the hell are you talking about Misato?! I don't like him!"

"You do, you still do. That's why you can't tell him."

"You're wrong Misato, you're wrong!"

"No I'm not!" Misato said with confidence and anger. Asuka flinched once again, "You still like him or else it wouldn't hurt right now. You would've moved on by now. Asuka, I know you, I've read your personal file from NERV and I know you're personality. You still do, but are you gonna allow yourself to accept that?"

Asuka now was officially stumped and shocked at everything Misato said. It slowly revealed itself to her, and everything that Misato said was true. She did like him and she didn't know why.

"Misato…"

"Asuka, you have to tell him!"

"No I can't! I really can't!"

"I've never heard you ever tell yourself that you couldn't do anything before, what makes this so different?"

"Because Misato, I really can't tell him."

"Damn it Asuka, don't you understand anything? You need to tell him, he deserves to know." Snapped Misato, this time she was really frustrated at Asuka, who sat there with her pride still intact…or at least it seemed so. Really though, Misato had broken the barrier and gotten to Asuka, and Asuka knew it.

"He doesn't deserve to know anything! Why does it bug you so much when it's none of your business?" snapped Asuka, wearing a cocky smile after that. Misato gave a heavy sigh and got up from the table, going to the tea kettle and getting some more tea.

"Well, you were willing to tell me in the first place Asuka, so really I didn't make it my business. I asked you, and you told me, really, it's that simple." Misato said, filling her cup with tea, the steam rising while the stream continued to flow into the cup.

"Then that one time should've been enough…" replied Asuka with a cocky tone, now feeling agitated at Misato.

"Like for Shinji? Oh wait, that's right, he didn't get to know even though it really _was_ his business…" said Misato with her still agitated tone, coming back to the table.

"Hah, that's funny, it's not really his business. Even if I were to tell him, the spineless coward wouldn't be able to handle it." Said Asuka, watching Misato the whole time while she came back to the table.

"Are you sure of that Asuka," said Misato, sitting down at the table and keeping eye contact with Asuka, "or are you the one running away?"

"What?"

"Is he the real coward, or don't you realize it yet?"

"What are you saying Misato?"

"Though you claim he's the one who would run away, you've never realized it but…"

"_You're the one who's running away…"_


	3. Rebirth 3: Open

**K, well thanks to random bouts of depression and deep thought, I've come up with many ideas for this stories and here are some other pointers: 1) This chapter I wrote in hoping to keep to the EVA feel, along with keeping the characters in their own personalities and show the ways they can change, 2) I took artistic changes and made Shinji a lil' bit different since he has been gone for a while...you'll see why in the next TWO chapters...3) I might make this a prequel to "Forget Me, Let Me Go", and if you're wondering how, you'll see in the latter half of the story and the events unfolding will give you information and lastly 4) Alot of symbolism and metaphors will be used for this story, and at the end if you didn't catch them, I'll explain them to you. I won't allow them to be noticed easily, because I want you as a reader to have many interpretations or at least a few...now on to the reviewers response: **

**Showstopper: Yeah, I agree in many ways, but the show barely showed much focus on character relationships, and I could go on but yeah, there are many things about Rei and Shinji that match, but I feel more for Asuka and Shinji than Rei and Shinji, but I still think it'll work. Glad you like it and I hope you like this too**

**bigguy1234: Glad you like it, hopefully this makes the story even more interesting**

**Webknight: Hopefully you'll like this chapter too, thanks!**

**Hououza: well, this'll set up everything you were hoping to find out, and at least shed some light on Shinji's character, along with Asuka's. Still, glad you like it**

**jcmoorehead: Well, glad you didn't pass the judgement yet, hopefully you won't based on this chapter too. It'll be awhile before you can, but maybe some judgement, I've shedded some light on Shinji and what he's like now **

**94Saturn: You've become one of those reviewers that I am so glad to have, thanks for reading everything I have. I hope you like this chapter too,and I promise that I'll continue my first story, or at least email you it **

**Rahhel: Somewhat of a spine, we'll see...Shinji has become an interesting character...half the same and half not the same...you'll see, he might have even changed more...but you'll find out in these next few chapters **

**ERROR809: Well, sorry to break it to you, but it'll be the next two chapter that you'll find out about what Shinji's been up to the last four years**

**Rising Dragon: Well, it was, but I did it to make the beginning not so typical, but glad you like it, hopefully you like this too...**

**NOTE: It's ben FOUR YEARS, sorry if I said three...I'll try and change it later

* * *

**

"_You're the one who's running away…"_

Rebirth 3: Open

She sighed as she plopped onto the bed. Only moments ago did the argument just end with Misato, and only a few moments ago did she lock her door to her bedroom, and now look at her. Idly lying there on the bed, looking into the abyss of the familiar ceiling which hung over her, plain and bearable to where anything could be seen up there, even in the light.

To her, this was her sanctuary, her refuge for times that had gone down wrong, or places to where she needed to think. This had become her sole comfort I times of pain and suffering, and for now, it seemed the bizarre effect this room had on her was failing her at the moment.

The words uttered by Misato that had sent her stomping into the room only moments ago seemed to be eating at her. It was suffocating her and destroying her on the inside, capturing its prey in the most vulnerable moment. It played those haunting words over and over in the back of the room, the broken record stuck on its loop. Still, even if it was hurting her, even if she was denying to her self, did it still have truth in it?

No, the Great Asuka wasn't running away, never has she ran away. She's always been the strong one, the dependent one that people see to have an unlimited amount of strength, even when the time seemed to bare no hope or escape. Still, even through all those tough times, Asuka was the one to be the strength and carry the burden for them all. This was what she believed, this is what they all believed.

But in reality, Asuka was the one who was hoping to find strength in the hearts and souls of others, never wanting to be the sole strength that people relied on.

"Damn it, it's not true. I know it's not…I didn't run away…" she kept muttering to herself, turning to the side to star at the wall. She couldn't be running away, it didn't make sense.

"Stupid Shinji, he doesn't need to know what's going on with me, he'll never understand…" she muttered under her breath, slowly yawning after the accusation. Feeling drowsy, she fell into a deep state of sleep, something she used to find helping and comforting in those times of needs.

She woke up with a giant shake, looking around at the darkness around her. Everywhere there was darkness, everywhere there was nothing but this void. In the center of it all, there she was, sitting in a chair and staring off into nowhere. She looked around frantically hoping to find something or to figure out what the hell was going on, but then a light came on, and there stood in front of her the past; a childlike girl that was her.

"What's going on? Where the hell am I? Why are you here?" she snapped, looking at the little girl ahead of her, and slowly feeling anger rise. Only moments ago was she in the comfort of her bed, and now she was in a chair that bore no cushion, and to see herself in front of her made it only worse.

"Why do you run away?" the little girl asked with a curious but innocent tone, catching her off guard with shock.

"What do you mean? Me running away, that's preposterous!" she snapped back, the little girl still standing with the stoic expression on her face.

"Asuka, that's not it," the little girl asked, "why are you running away?"

"I'm not running away, I'm not. That's what you think, I wasn't running away from him, I couldn't have been." Said Asuka with a lower toned voice, looking around and hoping to find an exit before things escalated. Nothing, once again the darkness bore no exit.

"Asuka, why do you fear his touch? His help? His Comfort that you so desperately seek?" asked the little girl with now an emotionless voice, making the question hit harder than with the innocent tone only used moments ago.

"What do you mean? I don't fear his touch, and he couldn't help me, he doesn't know me, he wouldn't understand me no matter what…" said Asuka now with an even more assertive tone. She felt like she was winning and this was going to go her way, until another light flickered on and shined on someone she wish she hadn't seen, not even at this moment.

"Asuka, I wouldn't understand because you would never open up to me. How could I know anything about you if I didn't know you, and even if I try to help or get close, you wouldn't let me, you'd push me away!" snapped the boy with a ferocious tone, causing all the more anger to bubble inside of Asuka.

"That's a lie Shinji! You know that I tried to get you open up! I tried to get your attention, get you to like me, get you to hold me. You never held me, you never even gave me much thought, you were too busy thinking about Wondergirl and how you like her. Don't give me that!" she snapped back, Shinji still standing there, he too in a stoic like expression.

"Asuka, that's what you only assume. How do you know the thoughts of others when you don't even know yours?" asked Shinji inquisitively, causing Asuka to want to back down. But she couldn't, she would never allow herself to.

"You never were a great liar, were you?" said another voice popping out from the shadows, and there she stood in her fourteen year old glory, the plug suit fitting her figure well, "You never really tried, and even if you did, you never gave an obvious sign to him. You think that kiss would do anything to get him to like you? You're pathetic! And you call Shinji the baka!"

"You always pushed ME away every time I would try to get close to you too, so you're just going to blame me for doing that?" snapped the modern Asuka at Shinji and her fourteen year old self.

"I never even saw you make any attempts, I didn't even know. You never tried to comfort me in my times of need, you called me weak. You called me "The Invincible Shinji", how was that comforting me?" he snapped back, Asuka flinching at the tearing words.

"And all that you did, those "advances" were only a way to really boost your ego, you only made sexual advances to tease Shinji and get his attention. Without attention and recognition of others, you feel as though you don't exist." Said the fourteen year old Asuka while the modern Asuka sat there stunned, the reveling words tearing her apart from the inside and shredding her up; she was starting to yearn to scream for help.

"Ever since Momma died you began to harbor a monster inside of you Asuka, your ego and every day you fed it, and it never became full. When you couldn't pilot EVA no more, it died, but came back. Asuka, all you ever do is try to feed a monster that shouldn't exist." Said the little Asuka, standing there with her stoic look that still made Asuka flinch.

"You're wrong here! You're all wrong, I did like Shinji, I did! I wanted him to hold me and to protect me, I yearned for HIS attention. I never got it, I felt worthless, those names were to let out the hurt of not gaining the attention and respect of another that I wanted to love me. Then he left without telling us and leaving me there hurt, like mother killing herself. How does that constitute me trying to feed this damn monster ego of mine? Explain to me then?" asked Asuka with tears starting to form and a pain in her voice. She was losing the battle she was never meant to win.

"It never died, after I left, it died again, and you became more human. Asuka, you created another perspective of yourself you only wanted others to see, a façade that seemed happy and ready to live the normal life NERV could never provide. Even though your life was still scarred by EVA and NERV, you still continued to live the sham of an existence that bore no pain from memories." Shinji stated while still standing in place.

"Even though deep down the pain was driving you to the point of mad and frustration, you continued to bottle up your emotions on the inside, and never letting them out. Once again, you wore that shell you never thought would be destroyed, and thus were you truly distancing yourself from others." Snapped the fourteen year old Asuka, standing there with her smug expression and staring at Asuka, who sat there in stunned silence; their eyes tearing at her outside so they could see her insides.

They were just staring at her, never blinking nor darting their eyes away, while she felt her mind being torn into. It was like the angel when it mind-raped her, immediately making feel like she was falling into a trance.

"Leave me alone…leave me alone…LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" she snapped while holding her head in her hands while they stood there, just staring her down and causing her psyche to go insane.

"No, we won't…because you don't want me to leave you alone…but if that's what you think you want, then I will…" said Shinji while turning, "even though you're just running away again…"

"Wait…no….no…DON'T LEAVE ME! NOT AGAIN! No, please don't…" wept Asuka in bitter tears while she screamed and reached out for him again, the pain in her chest swelling with his every step.

"Goodbye Asuka," said Shinji, the darkness consuming him while the light slowly faded away on the little Asuka.

"Wait, no…not again…not now…" wept Asuka, while the little girl began to cry tears of her own.

"Don't leave me momma, don't leave me…" said the little Asuka while Asuka stopped sobbing, her eyes opening in shock as she saw the image of her mother hanging on the ceiling.

The scream signaled the end of the pain of Asuka, and the new wound that became her fiber…

"NO!" snapped Asuka while she shot up in cold sweat that coated her body, her eyes opened wide and the darkness of the room surrounding her, causing her to feel as if she was still there.

This was supposed to be her place of sanctuary, her place of refuge and now even it was failing her…this was his fault again. Ever since he had come, everything started haywire. First the party became nothing, then him trying to comfort her, only causing her to fall into the depths of her own fears.

It was something she had closed off so no pain could attack; she closed it so she could let go of her past. Yet, with just his touch, his voice, his presence, it caused the pain to flood back, and she could never really admit that. Even if she said it openly or expressed it, she could admit it to anyone but herself.

"Damn it…why is it him?" she thought to herself. She couldn't pin it at all, she couldn't even place it. At the moment, nothing made sense to her anymore. After all, she really wished this was a dream, but it wasn't. She had to accept reality, that he was here and there was nothing she could do about it. Except, this time something was saying in a little voice that she didn't want him to leave, but at the same time she did. Really, majority of her wanted him to leave, after everything that's happened.

"I just need to get to sleep…that's all…" sighed Asuka, allowing herself to fall down onto her bed and lie there, hoping that sleep would take her back to where she couldn't dwell upon the situation anymore.

And somehow…in the quiet of the night…in the solstice of the rain that drizzled… she found her inner peace that allowed her to sleep for some time…the dreams that she once yearned for slowly starting to become her savior…and possibly her reality…

3 Hours Earlier --------------------------------

The rain began to drizzle, a feeling of serene overflowed in his system, the chill air that was crisp began to cut through his lungs. It was chilly, but tolerable, unlike in Tokyo 2, where it seemed weather was either tolerable or unbearable. However, he did feel it cool down lower ever since Asuka had left him alone…like always…

This time though, he felt it was right to leave her alone and let her talk to Misato, she was the security blanket Asuka had, even when he was there with her as a fellow pilot.

"So many years…and yet she still the same…" he thought to himself and sighed, looking around the park and scanning it, as if looking for difference in the area or some sign that things had changed around Tokyo-3.

Nothing, nothing changed, or at least to the eye nothing had really given any sign of significant change like he'd hoped. Things were the same, life was the same, normal to where it made you want to go insane. He couldn't find it, nothing, and everything slowly made him want to leave again, leave Tokyo-3 for good. This time though, he couldn't run away from it, he had to come back because there was something he had to do

"I need to get back, it's starting to get cold…" he thought to himself, getting up and walking. Walking and feeling as if he was being cleansed by the rain, and yet it seemed like tears. Tears of sadness, tears of pain of someone, while he walked it seemed to mock him and make him feel someone was crying particularly because of him.

"After all of this, it seems everyone does deserve an explanation of what happened, after all, it wouldn't be fair…but can I really tell anyone? I don't feel as if I can, but I have to. But will they accept it? Damn it, they will, or at least Misato will. I know she'll listen. Hell, she'll probably ask why I'm back too, but this time, I'm ready to tell her. This time, I'm ready to open up…" the thoughts in his mind continued to trail on while he walked slowly, allowing the time between Asuka and Misato to carry on. He figured with the way Asuka was now, and how she handled the situation, it was best to let them talk it out and since Misato was Asuka's anchor, Shinji had to let her find some peace for the time. He didn't know what to think though, he wasn't sure whether or not anything would work out now.

"It's a risk, but like she said "the only way to ever find out is to do it…"" he thought to himself, breaking out into a confident stride.

It seemed as if slowly, for an instance Shinji had found his anchor to give him backbone this time, and he carried that triumphant look throughout his walk. Though, it seemed to lessen and lessen with every step the closer he got to the apartment. He had a feeling that this wasn't going to turn out like the masterpiece he hoped it would be. Sadly, with the way the apartment had looked it only made his suspicions grow more.

It had that unnerving gloomy and morose feeling to it, with the dark rooms and the signs of no life at all. Not even Pen-pen was running around or giving any "Sqwuak!" or anything. Sadly, it seemed as if not even Misato were up chugging beers and looking at something. Anything, something make the feeling lift….

He turned on the light into the apartment, finding the cake still sitting and untouched, the decorations still hanging. He felt a pang of guilt hit him harder than anything before. Did he have to come on this day? Any other day would've been better than this day. Still, he muttered to himself that he couldn't let it go on like this anymore, downhill and depressing.

"Well, I guess I'll start cooking something then…" Shinji muttered to himself, taking off his shoes and walking over to the kitchen, grabbing any fresh ingredients that he could find in the fridge. Vegetables…gone beyond the days of expiration. At least noodles were…nevermind…and the meat….well, let's just say you wouldn't want to see it.

"Damn it…alright, then I guess I gotta order ramen tonight." Snapped shinji with a low but audible voice and walking over the phone, dialing the number.

"Make that two! Glad to see you finally arrive Shinji…" said a cheery voice that caused Shinji to jump, turning around to see a purple haired maiden in front of him.

"Misato? You're still here? I thought that –," said Shinji while Misato interrupted him immediately.

"C'mon, I haven't had to work in ages, and there's no one to drink with…so I just stay home pretty much…and it's not that late yet." Said Misato while holding a beer in her hand, Shinji looking down at it and muttering "figures" under his breath, "anyways, order two of them, one shrimp and one for you k; I'm just starving that's all…after all we didn't even touch the birthday cake." she took a sip, and immediately Shinji took a big gulp out of nervousness. This wasn't going as well as he thought it would be.

"Right…anyways, how has it been Misato? I haven't talked to you in awhile…" stammered Shinji while Misato took another light sip of her beer, making sure she wouldn't get drunk so she could try and figure out everything that has happened lately, his life and most of all…why did he come back?

"Great thanks…alright, bye…" said Shinji, hanging up the phone and breathing a deep sigh. He turned to walk towards the kitchen, sitting at the table and preparing for the talk he and Misato were about to have.

"They'll be here with the food in 10 minutes Misato…" Shinji said blatantly, making Misato say something besides the typical "thanks" or "ok".

"So you know what I want to talk to you about then right?"

"Misato, everyone wants to know, everyone. I've been prepared."

"Shinji, she was hurting and you know it…"

"How could I know when no one opens up to me?"

"She tried, but in the end you let her down by running away again."

"There was a reason for it Misato, you wouldn't understand…"

"So you think that you can run away from anything, whether you have a good reason or not!" Misato said, slamming her beer down on the table beside the phone, Shinji sat down unperturbed and without looking her in the eye, "You left us without letting us know. You left us without letting us know why. And you know what? You left us when we needed you the most, you were a savior Shinji, a savior and you did this. Stop making the mistake I did and don't run away from anyone, whether it was your father or us. We're here for you Shinji, we're here for you."

"Misato…" stammered Shinji reverting back to his old self, Misato calling him out quickly with rage that he'd never seen before.

"Don't give me that Shinji, don't revert to your old self, you shouldn't have came back if you're still the same. I mean dammit, the least you would have done was have a reason to be here or changed." Said Misato with rage that sent shivers down Shinji's spine and seemed to leave him speechless; all this pent up rage made him wonder why he did come back after all, but assured himself he was where he was supposed to be.

"Misato, there was reason that I'm here, you don't understand. You never let me finish nor even gave me a chance to talk. You don't even know why I'm here in the first place…" said Shinji sitting there and looking back at Misato, square in the eyes.

If this was the old Shinji, he would've never taken a chance to stand up for himself, but this time, there was some earnestness in his voice, something Misato couldn't ignore.

"Then why did you come back?"

"I came back from hell Misato, a hell that taught me more things that I'd never thought I would learn…and there's a reason I'm back…"

She gave a cocky smirk, causing Shinji to relax more and gave Misato a way to break the tension between them.

"Tell me then Shinji, when you're ready to open up and let me know. I want you to know that I care for you, like I wish you would've known back then, back when everything was great and normal like a family."

"Misato, it was never like a family, no matter how hard we tried, but I'm willing to talk now, if it's one thing I learned from Tokyo-2, is that I "in order to know whether it was the right action or not, one must do the action", or at least give it some thought…" said Shinji, Misato giving him a warm smile to where it gave him more comfort and encouragement to go on.

"Well then Shinji, tell me about it, what's going on?"

"It's a story that can never be forgotten Misato, and one that'll show you the change and hell I've gone through…and it all started three years ago…"


	4. Rebirth 4: Rebirth Beginning pt 1 of 3

**Well, hopefully you guys will enjoy this chapter. The perspective changes into first person because Shinji is telling his story of what had happened in the last four years. I hope it's not rushed, nor does it bore you, but rather this only starts the story, and only the middle and end will have some interesting stuff (to me at least, but the setups are always nice too). And I enjoy the fact that I have people reading this...and as for tying it into _Forget Me, Let Me Go,_ I can't. So I apologize for that...**

**Hopefully more reviews'll come my way. But still, hopefully you do review it. But on another note, hopefully you catch some stuff in here that I won't mention, but it'll help you look into things more. Also, since he is telling a story, Misato's name will be seen a few times, it's pure dialogue. **

**Last note: thanks to the reviewers, hopefully you like this! And I had to use Mana for this story, so bare with me on it. Well, anywayz on with this story.**

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Rebirth 4: Rebirth pt. 1 of 3

When I left four years ago, into the train that only went forwards and never backwards, did something tap me on the shoulder. I didn't understand anything really, but I left because I felt like I shouldn't have been hailed as a hero…and I couldn't stand the attention. No one really loved me, they only seemed that way because of my stopping Third Impact and the world living now. This false happiness, this false sense of peace and prosperity only harbored the pang of sorrow and fear. Fear of losing everything I had left, everything I loved and yearned to love me…only I ran so I wouldn't have to face the possible rejection from you, Rei, and Asuka. I just didn't want to face the possibilities of losing the ones I love.

On that train ride, I realized I had forgotten to bring my cello, while everything else I grabbed. Still, I couldn't turn back, not after everything that had happened…and worst of all was that I had also left my S-DAT at your place. However, I didn't want to turn back, couldn't turn back from where I was heading towards. Something was calling me from outside of Tokyo-3, and I had to find it more than anything else. That's when I reached Tokyo-2.

Tokyo-2 had emulated perfectly what the 20th century was like, with the shabby apartments, less than innovative technology that you have, and everything was at a higher living rate due to the rarity of the conditions, since after all it wasn't up-to-date. However, it fit perfectly for me, and immediately I found an apartment that would suit my needs; one bedroom, one kitchen, living room, the usual that anyone could get. Still, the rent was expensive, and luckily with the NERV money I got I was able to use it to pay for the apartment for four years, or at least until I was finished with High School. I even had enough for a cello, and S-DAT, and still had enough for electricity and all. Basically, I made sure I had enough to live off of to where I could finish High School. And for the first two weeks, I went searching, looking for one that would help suit my education and get me somewhere I was sure I could make it. I thought why not a psychologist, because for some reason the idea of being one was intriguing, and thus did I find the best and considered most prestigious high school of honor, or so it was said.

It was known as Sendo ken Shinsei High School, an interesting name if you call it that. No one understood the point of the name or hence it came from, but somehow it fit it was just interesting. Well, at least you would think it was interesting school based on the name, but still, like how prestigious it was supposed to be, the school fell lower than even my disappointment could handle, but still in life you have to accept these things and move on.

Well, the place did look prestigious, with its great design and how the columns seemed to hold up the place, and it seemed everything should be perfect there, with how the walls on the exterior were made to seem solid in foundation, bricks and marble pillars with the engraved letters that announced the school. Windows that allowed the inside to be seen and a sense of pride filled the area. Inside though, it seemed bland and destroyed, where white walls had cracks and flaws, because even though it was clean and primped up, you could still see the cracks and holes along with a sense of sadness in the place. There were few signs hanging here and there that announced little school events, but the presence of the place felt chilled, like it was a plain place only with a horrible life. And inside the classrooms some students were beyond crazy to where only silence reigned in the room. No one sat close to each other, no one, it was if no one wanted to be near each other. Rather, they want to just get out of the school as fast as they can. I wished I could change back time to get a different high school, but hell, school was school.

After being introduced and made to stand in class, I just took a seat and began my new life, feeling as if somehow there would be something interesting that could happen. Like always, or from my assumptions, it was like how I thought it would be. No one to talk to, no one wanting to talk to me, I became the lifeless drone at school. Well, I conformed into the normalcy we would say of the non-exciting existence we called life.

For days, it went on, the daily routine that I lived on. Wake up, School, Homework, bed, that was all I had to look forward to. It seemed I would actually go insane without Asuka's rants and complaints, along with the beatings, and you're teasing. Hell, I think those had actually kept me going on through the tough times, even if I left twice.

That was until she came along, one I didn't least expect. She was an interesting person in many ways…for one, she seemed to be normal and nice, smiles here and there that caught my eye at times. Yet, it seemed, as if when no one was around, a pang of sadness would etch her face. I didn't know what the pain was, nor was it the fact that I had attempted, as you know being me I didn't want to do anything to find out. I had enough things on my mind during that time. Still, it seemed as if staring was all I could do, but still I could barely do that.

That was until the day she finally came up to me out of nowhere, seeing me sitting alone by myself in my usual spot to eat lunch, which would be outside on the roof. That was where I always found the chilling silence and the wind to be, and in some aspect it was comforting. Being alone was the comfort I needed, but still at the same time, it burrowed into me deeper, and with every fiber of my mind succumbed to this reserve of pain, I sat there in stoic silence.

"What are you doing up here? You know we're not allowed up here…" was the first thing she had said to me, and it caused me to break out of the silent daydreams I found myself drift into. I turned around to see her standing and looking at me strangely. I just stared, and for some reason nothing could become etched and outlined onto my face; nothing but a blank stare.

"Listen, I just wanted to make sure that you weren't late that's all, and besides you've been looking lonely…" she said, still giving me a perplexed look, probably wondering what the hell was wrong with me, then she continued, "so I decided to try and give it a shot. Hi, my name is Mana Kirishima, sorry to bug you out here I guess…" she looked around the place and saw no one else around, confirming to her that I was indeed alone. "By the way, what's your name?"

"Shinji…" I trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"Nice to meet you Shinji, so what do you think?" she asked me, and I had a few things to say. It was boring, or it was pointless, or that I hated school, none of these answers were easy to say, none could come out of my mouth though they ran through my head.

"It's ok…I guess…it's just that…" I began, since I wasn't really sure how to start talking, I was cursing myself for thinking I could start out as someone else than who I was, but it seemed no matter how hard I was trying, I still was the same old Shinji.

"I know what you mean, it seems to get pretty boring here huh?" she had asked me, causing me to be feel a little relaxed, at least something sparked to where I could talk to her.

"Yeah, it is, but that's just life I guess…boring and repetitive…" I said, trying to continue this conversation more. It worked and it started to help me talk more, being that I am the quiet one, it didn't take a brain scientist to figure that out.

"I know, but hey that's life for you ever since those damn Angels were killed, no excitement, nothing, it's as if life changed and turned 3600 after the Angel's. Hell, I sure wish I could thank at least one of the pilots that had saved us, especially the one that stopped Third Impact." While being in the midst of all of that, I froze and tensed up, wanted to get away from there. She wanted to thank me, and yet I didn't want to tell her, I didn't want to be known as the savior, I just wanted to live a normal life, though at the same time wanted some attention. I was receiving her attention, that should be good enough right?

"Wait, they told you about Third Impact?" I asked inquisitively, and she looked at me confused.

"What are you talking about? Of course they do, we're not like idiotic Tokyo-3 where we cover up everything, we learn about the real things that happened. Like Second Impact wasn't a meteor, but an Angel found and destroyed the world in a lot of ways. But those guys of Tokyo-3 have to learn the false information, it's no wonder they didn't understand the Angels and all, they just thought it was a simple fight." I couldn't help but wonder at those moments exactly what was going on. At this moment, I wished it was a dream, because all of the memories of being in the EVA had come back and were plaguing my mind with every word she was saying, "Don't they realize that it's a fight everyday to survive, and that we were trying to be stopped from doing something as stupid as Third Impact? Or at least that's what I think…" Then, the memories of everyone started flooding back. Touji, Kensuke, Misato, Rei, and then there was…

Her…Asuka…

"Shinji, are you ok?" was when I snapped out of it, and caught Mana looking at me with some concern. I turned away from her gaze blushing a little bit. I swore that it felt like I'd never felt that much attention from someone my age, and it was kind of comforting but not. I knew I didn't like her, but I mean the attention was more than I'd ever really received from someone at all.

"Y-yeah…I'm fine. But I like it here more than where I came from." I stammered out to say, I really couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Really? Where did you come from?"

"I came from Tokyo-3, the idiot place where we learn false information about third impact and second impact and whatnot." I said, trying to crack a joke, and lightly she laughed. I felt good about this conversation, it seemed I was actually getting somewhere, until the bell rang.

"Well come on, let's get to class…" she said while she was getting up, and began to walk but stopped, seeing that I didn't get up yet. "Get up already, we're going to be late!" she came back to me and pulled me up, surprising me from my thought of you guys again.

While we were walking, silence ensued majority of it. It was as if what had happened up there was the only way for us to talk, and that right now we weren't allowed to talk. Like two kids that thought they were in trouble. That was, until Mana broke down the awkward silence that was upon us.

"Why don't you sit by me from now on? I don't mind and I think it'd be good to have a friend to help you out, right?" a friend? When did she become my friend? Somehow, hearing those words and prospect sounded good for me.

"O-Okay, thanks and sorry for making you go through all of this…" I stammered, feeling happier than I could honestly remember. The feeling of meeting someone new and then becoming friends was actually satisfying, and I could understand how people feel when they meet someone new.

"It's no problem, now will you hurry up? We've got to minutes to get across the school…" that was a problem, the school was large, and with only two minutes. Immediately, we both began to run as fast as we could, and somehow I was keeping up with her. If you think Asuka is fast, then you haven't met Mana, because she was faster than Asuka by a lot.

"I'm sorry to make you almost late to class!" was what I could muster to say while we continued on running.

"Enough with the "sorry" routine, we're going to be late, move it!" she snapped at me, and I could only hightail it faster, to which this time she was the one trying to catch up.

I looked at my watch, seeing that we had made it halfway with a minute and a half to get there, perfect timing.

Still, with the other kids in the way and many other obstacles, we were barely making it on time. I looked at my watch as we got closer to the door, three, two, one…we made it in time, closing the door while the bell rang, and we made it without the teacher scolding us. Immediately, we took the two seats that sat side by side and sat down, talking and not paying any bit attention to the teacher. Hell, I hardly remember anything from those classes.

It was a great day and ever since then, we started to talk more. I walked her home that day and then after that we had a routine to where we would walk to and from school together, like Asuka and I used to do. The only thing was, she was like Rei on the quiet side, but at times could be like Asuka.

Days began to pass by faster, and it seemed weeks were not even a week, rather, than were a single passing day. We always talked, joked around, sitting on the rooftop at lunch together. She brought out of me something I didn't understand. It was so much easier to talk to her, and it seemed as if maybe this whole time I'd been focusing too much on the possibility of being hurt. But it seemed she created in me something I couldn't describe, like a feeling I thought I once knew but really didn't at all. It was one day when everything started to change between us.

During the course of the next few months, I don't exactly remember how long, something began to happen. It seemed we were getting closer and spending more time with each other. What made me even more confused was when we were walking home that day, it was something none of us expected.

"Hey, are you coming along?" was the question that started it all, after the bell rang signaling school ended. I looked at her and gave her a nod, and immediately picked up my bag and we began walking out. I heard mumblings and whispers here and there while we passed by, with looks and glares all at her. I looked around and wondered what was going on, and I looked at her, and she seemed blank and distant. Then I saw her feel a little scared and nervous. I didn't know what to do, and I couldn't think straight, and I hated the feeling that we were getting.

When we were outside, there was still silence, and she was still a little scared. I knew I needed to comfort her.

"Mana, what's going on?" I asked her, Mana still blank and out of it, it seemed she wasn't paying attention, "Mana? What was that all about? What's going on?" I looked at her, and yet it seemed she only finally snapped out of the gaze, and she gave me the smile that was fake, the one I'd seen before we were friends.

"Nothing Shinji, they're just idiots, that's all. They think they know everything about me and they don't…I hate rumors…" she said, and it seemed like she needed me, for some reason I could see it though it wasn't said out loud.

"They are… and…don't listen to them at all," I never knew how hard it was to try and comfort someone, but somehow it was becoming natural with every passing second, "if they don't know you, then they're words are pointless aren't they?" it seemed to help her out a little, but I felt helpless in that moment. Were words really as comforting as they said they could be?

"I know, but I mean it's just that…well, they're talking about my family…and me. I hate it, everyone thinks they understand what I'm going through, but they don't…and…" she stated, and I had to stop her there, because I didn't even know about this.

"What's happening with you and your family?" I asked, out of curiousity, and I felt her tense up.

"Well, my mom left me when I was young, and I found out about my father, honestly I've been living alone for along time…and everyone keeps saying that my dad left because of me and my mom left because she couldn't stand me either…" I saw a tear slowly fall onto her face…

"Look, don't believe them, they don't know what they're talking about." Now it was very natural, and this time I could talk, "I don't know how anyone couldn't like you, you're kind, nice and fun to be around. I don't see why anyone would hate you." I felt a tint of red hit my cheeks, though I don't know why. It was as if at that time I felt a little bit different about her than before.

"Thanks Shinji, you're really helping me, I'm glad to have you around…" and I saw her flush a little with saying that. Silence followed us some more, and I just couldn't help but feel great in her presence. We continued to walk this way, and I couldn't help but take more glances at her. It was as if something was starting to turn on the inside for me, and I couldn't help but be happy. I was actually happy at that time, Misato, happy, and I couldn't believe I was.

"Uh…Shinji…" was what she muttered, and I looked at her at first. She couldn't look me in the eye, but she was looking down at something, and I looked to where she was. I saw my hand holding hers, and immediately I felt a flush on my face. I let go of her hand and we just kept walking, and immediately the tension built up to where there was awkwardness. I felt my face was redder than it had ever been, and I saw her blushing and gazing at her hand at times.

When we finally reached her home we still couldn't look at each other, even if she turned to face me.

"Thanks for walking me home Shinji, and thanks for the comfort, I needed it…" she said once again, and this time hugged me. I didn't know how to react to that, being that I had never been hugged by anyone, and now all of a sudden here I was getting hugged. But for some reason, no matter how much I tried to override it, my arms wrapped around her and held her for awhile, until she let go. She gave me a smile and said "Goodbye," walking up to her house door and closing it.

I stood there for awhile, not sure what to think. After all, I had never had this happen to me when I was with Asuka, or even with Rei. Somehow though, this felt different and more than what I had ever felt. I walked back home with this smile that no one would understand, nor had ever seen before. In fact, I swore a couple of people had seen me oand wondered why I was smiling so much. I even saw a man who had brown hair walking with a girl with red hair looking at me with a bright smile, and it seemed like they knew why I was smiling. Though, immediately they fell back into their own world and began to look at each other lovingly. How did I know that they were looking at each other lovingly, because it was a hunch really, it felt like it was lovingly, like I remembered the times when I was with mother and she would give me a loving smile like she did to this guy, but it wasn't exactly the same. It was more of a yearning and happiness that one finds when they're in the arms of another. It was one that…I realized slowly that I was looking for…and I found out that I had it only moments ago.

Days continued to pass on by, and it seemed as if we could only get closer and closer to each other, or at least that was the feeling that was forming. I felt like I was forming a bond to her stronger than I had ever formed with someone, even with you Misato, and I kept falling into its warm embrace. It was standing there, and for once, instead of running from it, I ran to it.

Then, out of nowhere, something was going to happen at school; Formal. It wasn't prom, being that I was only a freshman, but it was one that was meant to be one for freshmen and sophomores since they couldn't go to prom. They said that it was a night that many couples formed for the school, and some of them would go on forever. The school practically boasted that when it said "95 of couples that have lasted and started at this school had stayed formed on this night" and immediately you could see many pairs looking at each other with those eyes the couples had, except not much.

That's when she came in, because this time she had go somewhere before school, so I had to walk to school alone. When she came in, we immediately began to talk, all the while I saw her eying the poster.

"Hey I was wondering…" was something I could remember saying to her, and I saw something spark inside of her eyes, and I didn't know what it was. Hell, everything was a guessing game when it came to girls.

"Yes, what is it?" the typical line or so I heard about girls. Still, at that time, I didn't understand anything about girls. It was something I wish I would've known, and since now I do, I get the idea now, and the hinting, but at that time, I didn't. She even had a blush on her face that I should've picked up the hint from, but still, Shinji Ikari wasn't very bright whatsoever.

"Did you do the homework that we had? Just wanted to make sure…I know random but still…" was the one thing I could muster. And immediately, I saw it die down in her eyes.

"Yeah I did…did you do it?" she asked back, and immediately I answered, and after that time, we didn't talk much. She became distant and morose, and didn't seem to even give me any attention.

It was during the day later I was attacked by some of her girl friends that I had to learn the hard way.

"Shinji, come over here…" said Eri, Mana's best friend. Immediately she was trailed by two other friends.

"What is it?" I asked, while she looked at me sternly, followed by the other two. They also gave me the famous "glare of death" that girls somehow know how to use at the right time.

"Why did you do that to Mana?" was the simple question they asked.

"I dunno what you're talking about…" Typical me huh?

"You know, you didn't ask her to formal you idiot? What the hell does she see in you anyway?" was what Eri snapped. And then another stepped up.

"She blabs to us about you half the time, and she kept on hoping you would ask her to formal, and then to find out you shot down the idea today…" said the other, who's name happened to be Ayanami also. It actually freaked me out, but still the next one was worse.

"She was crying in the bathroom a few minutes ago actually, she freakin' likes you. God, I still don't see what she sees in a weak guy like you…" was what the third, known as "Aoi". However she got that nickname, it didn't suit her style nor personality well.

"I didn't know, I'm sorry…but I was planning to –,"

"Shut up, look we just wanted to say that you need to leave her alone now…"

"Or at least ask her…"

"What they said…"

They just kept hounding me until I couldn't take it anymore, I snapped.

"Alright! I was planning to anyway…so let go!" was what I mustered…and at that moment I wish I didn't open my mouth.

"Really?! All right, you're so kind!"

"I guess I see what she sees in you."

"Thank you so much!"

Somehow, they changed their personality, and it freaked me out. So I walked away, and immediately went to class. I decided after school I would ask her to the formal.

So after the torture of not talking to her all day, I had to catch up to her walking home. She wouldn't even stop for me when I called out her name.

"Mana! Mana, wait a minute!" I snapped, to where she finally stopped, but never turned around.

"What do you want Shinji?! I need to get home, leave me alone…" she retorted, and continued walking. I had no choice, it was time to grow a spine or something, and I grabbed her wrist.

"Look, you're not giving me a chance, just hear me out!" I snapped, and she struggled like I figured she would.

"I don't want to!"

"Please listen to me!"

"No!"

"Mana, please, just listen to me…"

"All right," was what she finally said, "just let go of my wrist. Damn you have a freaking grip!" she snapped. She turned around with tears on her face, and I took a big gulp from being nervous. I kept telling myself now was the time, and if I wanted to really start changing I would now.

"I'm sorry about today…I forgot to ask you something…" I said, and I immediately she turned with a disgusted sigh and wanted to start walking, "I want to know if you would be my date to formal…" and I saw her stop in her tracks. She froze and stayed silent, and I felt as if I was being rejected. That was until…

"Do you mean that Shinji?" was what she asked, and I gave a confirming yes. I heard her squeal somewhat, and she ran to me. Immediately, she wrapped her arms around me tightly, and I couldn't help but hold her in my arms. I felt her tears on my shirt, but she had a smile.

"Of course! I've been waiting for you to ask!" was what she said, and immediately I felt a blush on my face

On that day…the wheels began to turn…and on that day, was the day I truly held her hand…


	5. Rebirth 5: Rebirth Interlude pt 2 of 3

**Hey everyone, sorry for the late update...been busy...this a kind of late Valentine's day gift...since the chapter is basically in the process of the "love" stage. Hopefully this doesn't disappoint you, and hopefully you enjoy it. It took alot of time to think of what to do for this, and in the end, this was how I wanted to end the chapter in order for the next to take it's maximum effect.**

**I also got addicted to the doujinshi RE-TAKE, a brilliantly written story that's a possibility in EVA, or sort of like a "what if this happened" scenario. It's brilliantly written, but does have some mature stuff in there, so if you're not comfortable with mature stuff, then don't read it. It's really meant for the hardcore EVA fans I think...**

**Anyways, thanks to you the readers for everything, I'm grateful to have you enjoying this story. I hope it doesn't feel dragged out in anyway, nor does it feel rushed, rather natural flowing. Please let me know what you think, because I love criticism or anything to help me continue writing. I pretty much must say that for now, you inspire me to keep writing. I can't thank you enough, **

**I shall have the next chapter done hopefully soon...as I have the plans for the rest of the story set in motion...oh forget this comment and on with the chapter!**

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_On that day…the wheels began to turn…and on that day, was the day I truly held her hand…_

Rebirth: Interlude pt. 2 of 3

It was a beautiful night I had to give it that. The way the building was decorated with festive ornaments and the luscious ribbons hung up. It gave a sense of life to it, and for once, I was excited to show up to the school. However, what I couldn't do was get my eyes off of Mana, the way she was dressed. It was a beautiful black dress that fit her perfectly, and I couldn't help but be amazed by it all. Her earrings were silver, but seemed to work so beautifully well with the dress. I felt a blush creep up onto my face, an didn't understand. Somehow, it seemed she looked different under the pale moonlight than on normal days, and it seemed this time she was…beautiful. Beautiful to where I honestly couldn't really describe how beautiful she was.

After giving the ticket to the guy at the front entrance, we entered into the room and saw the place even more alive, with the dancing and the music there. Everyone was having fun, and it seemed as if you couldn't be disappointed whatsoever that night. There were couples everywhere dancing, lost in their bliss from the dancing with their partner, feeling as if the dance was a blast. At least, that what I saw in their eyes, and I took a look at Mana staring at the couples, and once again got the feeling that she wanted us to be like that. I took her hand immediately and I felt her jump from the touch, being shook out of the daze I caught her in.

"Want to dance Mana…and I apologize if I don't know how to dance well, being that I never did…" I told her, and for some reason she gave me a bright smile.

"Don't worry about it Shinji, it's not that hard and you'll learn by tonight…" she told me with the same bright smile, and immediately I felt my cheeks flare up. I couldn't help but get lost in those eyes that seemed to look into me, trying to figure me out and find what was the barrier that was causing her not to be able to reach in, yet was slowly seeping in? I was lost in thought, with her deep pools of affection, until I snapped out of the daze. She took my hand and rushed towards the dance floor.

The dancing had only been for 10 minutes, and she gave a complaint that I was lost of hope, but with a flirtatious matter. I couldn't tell at the time, and I apologized for it quickly, but she gave me a light punch on the shoulder saying along the lines of "Don't worry about it" and "Quit saying sorry…" If I look back upon it now Misato, it reminds me a lot like Asuka, but I still wasn't thinking that way at the time.

That was when the slow dance came on, a soothing number that many people heard, especially in pre-Second Impact era. It was the song "Hero" by someone, not sure, but it was beautiful. I saw her blushing while the song played, and somehow I begun to be able to understand her better than I used to. I realize that, at that specific moment was one of the key point in my turnaround looking back at it now. When I held out my hand, I saw the look on her face turn to shock, and without words we knew the answer was yes.

She took my hand and we walked onto the dance floor once again. I held her in my arms, wrapped tightly around her waist while shaking. I had never been that close to a girl Misato, and now somehow I was able to even fathom the thought of wrapping my arms around a waist of a girl. I could feel her hands shaking and slowly rising to wrap around my neck, and it seemed the ice began to form. However, slowly as the dance continued, did it melt more and more, to where only water remained. The dance had become so profound and meaningful, it carried a message that once again was only conveyed in the deep pools of life. They were once again taking and grabbing at the message and allowing itself to fall into its neverending pool. Then, as if they wouldn't stop, the pools connected and remained there, now trying to reach for something that they could only hope to find in each other.

The music ended, dying ever so slowly, and the pools still stayed the same, never moving, lost in their own world. Until, it seemed one broke the gasp, but a smile crept up on their face and the other loved it. I loved it, it was the beauty in the simplicity of the smile that swept me, and immediately we walked off to where we could sit and talk.

We talked about everything Misato, simple things like school, and typical stuff to be fun. Still, it didn't seem like this had any effect at all, rather our own world had been created. Here we were, talking and no one was around, all alone in the abyss of the pools drawing towards each other again.

I couldn't help but think to myself how crazy this was, how everything was moving to fast. This was too fast, even though we built it that way, even though we created it and the situation. I wanted to back out, I wanted to run away, once again all the anxieties I had always had were starting to come back at me. I could hear my inner self screaming at me to leave. He was screaming at me that no one loved me, no one wanted my attention, that I was being used once again. That once again, I was alone and was serving a purpose, not getting the affection I so desperately yearned for.

I turned and ran out of there and just stood there, lost in the solitude of the depths of my mind. I was once again arguing with myself, telling myself that everything was done, over with, and that I had someone actually care for me. I know Misato, it seems like I thought you didn't care, and back then I had a lot of learning, and this time I realize that you have, but at that time I couldn't think straight. And once again, that barrier I had surrounding my heart closed up once again. To the point to where I was back to my old self, and the touch of her hand on my shoulder made me tense up once again.

"Are you ok Shinji? What's wrong?" were the words she asked me, and I just couldn't open up to her.

"Nothing, really…sorry about that…" was what I said, trying to convince myself that the words I said were true even though this time, I couldn't. The distance was felt in the pools once again, and the others tried to break through but couldn't.

"Shinji, don't lie to me, what's wrong?" could I really tell her? Once again, I was caught in my stupid dilemma, and I didn't know what to do or say. There was that risk again, and I was basically telling myself "Damn my pessimism and talk to her!" but still couldn't not at all.

However, one little action she did had caused me to realize that in the end, I wasn't alone, that this time I had someone there for me. She was there for me, and had been this whole time. She took my hand and held it with a firm grip, and immediately my body tensed up. I looked at her with shock, seeing the deep pools drawing me in again, and they were giving me this assuring look. They told me that she was there for me, that I wasn't alone, and I felt slowly relaxing, but trembling at the same time.

"Please Shinji, tell me…don't leave me out like that, I want to know you. I told you me, and I'll tell you more, but please Shinji let me be next to you." Was what she told me with a bright blush, and a blushing smile at the same time, and I felt myself turn redder at these words, "Shinji, I want to be closer to you than this, let me know you…" were the words that immediately took the gate surrounding my heart and broke them. They were opening ever so slowly, but allowing her to get into my heart, and only one person had ever been there before. My mother Misato, had only been the one to know how to open the gates, and somehow she did. The lock broke off, and allowed the person access.

"Mana…" that's how I remember starting off the conversation, "I don't know how this is working, I don't know if this is real or not, I don't know what to think. All I've ever felt like was like an absence here. I didn't know what affection was, I never really got it. I just don't know if this is real and --," and I was cut off by a kiss from her, which I couldn't help but stay shocked, the touch of the lips feeling so passionate, so comforting and so warm. It felt like an eternity had passed between us and this feeling I couldn't understand was there, only until later did I learn about it; intimacy.

When her lips parted, I felt this wave of comfort course through my body, and immediately it felt that, for once everything was going to be okay. She gave me a bright blush and smile, but I couldn't do anything about it. This glow in her eyes confirmed it for me, and helped me to feel ok.

"You haven't been alone Shinji…you haven't…" she said, then stopping as she looked at my still shocked expression from the kiss. To me, I was in this temporary state of bliss while she thought otherwise, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to kiss you without expecting it, and I understand if you feel awkward --," and then it was my turn to stop her. Somehow, the gears turned again, and I allowed the urges in my body to take charge and initiative. My lips met with hers, and this time she was the shocked one, because really no one would ever think of me to do that. It was one of those "Wait…Shinji did what?" moments, like how you reacted to this Misato.

It didn't take long for the reaction to be gone, and the feeling of the warmth returned back towards me. This one felt more…alive and well. It felt real, true and more than what the kiss with Asuka meant. I thought it meant something back then, but now, this is different than anything I had ever felt. I felt my heart skipping just a little bit, nervousness coursing through the blood of mine as I broke the kiss.

Our eyes never left again, and once again the feeling between the pools had resonated together, creating a unity that created their own world once again. This time though, what could be seen between the two pools were two young children, one crying and the other standing there by their side. Suddenly, they held out their hand, and the other looked shocked at this, and complied. They grabbed that one's hand, and it could be seen that the tears had stopped flowing, but instead a smile crept upon their face.

"Shinji, just no that I'm here for you…and I know that this is a big step for us but…well…are we…" were the words stumbling out from her mouth, and once again I was in a state of bliss. When I snapped out of that daze, I looked at her with a more confident smile than I ever had before.

"Don't worry about it…I'm just new to this Mana…that's all…I don't even know where to go from here…" I told her with that smile, nervous and hoping she wouldn't be mad at that. So far it had been going perfect, who knew how long this would go on…

"I'm new to this also Shinji, we'll make it through together though." She had told me, and then I felt reborn, if not before but now this time I had. That's when we heard the next song playing, the slow song that is, and it was beautiful. I didn't care to know what the song is, instead I felt her grab my hand.

"Let's go Shinji…" she told me, and I nodded. That slow dance felt more intimate than the others, and the rest of the dance started to have more meaning. I couldn't help but for once feel…alive again…like finally I could really say I was saying goodbye to the old Shinji. The Shinji who didn't know how to act, feel, love, do anything really; tonight there was a new Shinji that was there. It felt good to be different than I once was, and I liked it.

After that night, we did become officially a couple, with people muttering finally and others excited…mostly her friends. Those days seem to go by with ease, as if time was transcending and losing it's touch on us. It seemed that, even if we were taking it slow, even if we tried to make time stop for us, we could never get it to stop. He would continue running from us while we continuously chased after him. It seemed no matter what, he would always have that edge of a lead over us.

Months passed, and soon we were growing closer, and I felt like I was growing once again. That was, until one day…when everything came to a revelation.

I decided that, on the fourth month of our anniversary, that I would get her a bundle of roses for it. After all, to our high school, the average span of the life of a relationship barely lasted three weeks, and at most two months. We were one of the rare types, the one that the formal said would last, and if you really thought about it, not a lot of people hooked up at the formal. Really, I think that we were the only people to hook up that night.

Still, I got Mana's friends to keep her busy while I ran to the nearest flower shop, and I told them that I would meet her at the hill that overlooked Tokyo-2. They agreed, and when the lunch bell rang, they immediately stopped her from looking for me. I made my move, running as fast as I could, first to the office to say I was sick and not feeling well, allowing myself to get out of school. It took some convincing, but I was able to, and got out of school and went searching everywhere for the nearest flower shop.

Let's just say this wasn't easy, but after a couple of hours, I finally found one, and in an exasperated breath, called for help. They did come, and they helped me.

"Sir, are these the ones you wanted?" was the question I remember after getting her to help me with the gathering all of the flowers.

"Yeah, thanks so much ma'am." Was the one thing I could say, though now looking back at her, she looked interesting and familiar. She had brown, short hair that accentuated her face, her green eyes feeling warm and soft. They had the feeling of a mother's, one that I had missed from so long ago, barely remembering it at all.

"I hope that whoever you're giving this to is special, after all these are the best I could pick out of them all." She said with a bright smile, and I gave her a bright smile back. Something about her made me feel assured that this was not going in vein.

"Yeah she is, after all, I've been with her for four months now…" I said with a blush on my face. The lady looked at me with an inquisitive look, and the rest is something I would never forget.

"But do you love her?" was what she asked me and I stood there shocked, looking at her with bewilderment.

"W-What?" I asked with a shocked and stammered tone, and she repeated her question again.

"Do you love her?"

"I think I do…" I wasn't sure at the time, who could be after four months really? We were taking things slowly, we had to, or else this wouldn't work out we thought.

"You should be sure of it, you'll know when you are…" she told me with a smile, giving me the flowers while I handed her the money.

The question never left my thought when I left the shop. It perplexed me, made me wonder if I did. I didn't know at the time, I wasn't sure at all. Really, I knew I liked her, being around her, talking to her, everything you could dream of, but was love really the feeling I could describe about her?

While standing there waiting for her, I couldn't help but ponder the thought. I still wasn't sure, I couldn't figure it out. That's when I felt a tap on my shoulder, and I turned around to see a worried Mana looking at me and I looked at her worried too. At the moment, I was also saying good thing I hid the flowers behind the tree. Well, the tree and shrubs nearest me.

"Shinji, what happened today?" was all she could ask me, with a worried look, and a tone indicating she was thinking we were going to break up.

"Nothing really Mana, sorry I had to do some last minute stuff…" it was last minute, but I was lying here and I felt awful about it. It wasn't clicking at all, and I saw her worry increase at that.

"Well, you just left randomly, you didn't come back to school, and my friends were seemingly trying to keep me from something, I don't know what to think right now Shinji, I don't…" she told me, with a tear forming in her eyes, and I just stood there frozen. Something was on her mind, and it was the possibility we were going to break up. I didn't know how to react, even though we had been going out, and even if I was used to the relationship now, I still didn't know what to do.

"Mana, there was nothing, I promise you…trust me on this…" I said while she turned away from me, I slowly wrapped me arms around her waist and held her close, her trembling body melting into his arms.

"Do you really want to know what I was doing then Mana?" I asked with my affectionate tone, feeling her nod her head. I let go of her, turning her around with a smile.

"You'll have to close your eyes…" I was getting pretty corny at the moment but hell, it was one of those more romantic moments anyone could ask for.

I saw her close her eyes even though they were watery. I immediately ran towards the tree and found the flowers, trying to fit it behind my back. I failed….miserably…and to my dismay, the surprising wouldn't work. So, with what was left, I gave it one little shot to at least give her the gift I so desperately wanted to give her.

I walked towards her, and it felt so long, arduous, and tormenting. To see her worry, fear, anxiety, tears, everything made my body ache with each closing step. Still, what I saw in token was once again two kids walking towards each other, one crying this time and the other now walking towards them.

I told her to open up her eyes and she did, and her eyes lit up more than I had ever seen them before. I could see in her eyes the amazement and shock of the gift in front of her, and I basked in its light. This warmth, this feeling of happiness was one emanated in front of me, one that I had always been looking for, all the time. There it was, standing in front of me, the light I had so desperately wanted so long ago.

She looked at me with this feeling that was transcending more and more into something else that I had never seen from her before, and it made me feel better than before. In one swift motion, I felt her kiss me, her lips meshed with mine with more passion and desire than before. I happily replied back to it and felt a connection that I had not felt ever since the formal, because all the other times had never felt like that before.

"Thank you…so much Shinji…" she told me, tears running down her face. She pulled me into an embrace, and I held her in my arms while I felt her tears soak my shirt. It felt great to hold her, to show her that I did love her still. It was a way for me to let her know that in the end I didn't want to lose her, leave her, hurt her. It was beginning to seem as if I was…

"Are you okay Mana? Why are you crying?" why was I so oblivious back then. She looked up at me and laughed, a light chuckle coming from her that made me confused at the moment.

"It's nothing, I'm fine Shinji, in fact, I'm happy…that's why, I'm happy…" she told me with the bright blush and smile, something that made me feel relieved at the end…even if those eyes had something hidden in them, but I couldn't figure it out.

"I'm glad Mana, I'm sorry I made you worry about me and all that, I promise I won't do that again." I told her, thinking to myself that it could never happen again thanks to SEELE and the failed Third Impact.

"I know Shinji, thanks, I understand now, and I love these. I've never gotten anything from someone like this, and I love the feeling of receiving them." She told me, and I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, but the distance felt long, as if for that second her distance was increasing. However, when I shook it out, she was right next to me, trying to get me to sit down.

We did, and we looked out into the city and watched the sunset in its full glory. It was beautiful with the city life bristling and the buildings creating the shadows of the night. The beauty of it was how the city seemed peaceful throughout the day, and the sudden realization of how every once in a while glancing at normalcy wasn't that bad. He let out a sigh as he looked at her once again, and he couldn't help but smile.

"Mana, thanks for being with me this whole time, I can say I've gotten lucky to be with you. You've made me happier than anyone has, and I can say that with you I've finally opened myself up…" I told her, and I felt her rest her head onto my shoulder at that moment. I felt a blush creep onto my face, and I rested my head on my forehead.

"Shinji, you've done the same for me, you made me feel like someone I'm not, like someone I shouldn't be…really I don't --," I had to stop her, because she was wrong. She deserved to be who she was, and in the end the kiss I gave her signaled that she had the right to be who she had become.

"No, you do have a right to be who you are, and I like you the way you are…" I told her and I caught her head getting back up looking at me.

"Is that all you think of me? You just like me?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Because I love you Shinji…I love you…"

I didn't know how to answer that, except finally it dawned on my that what the lady had said was meaningful, and in the end helped me to finally realize it.

"No Mana, that's what I like about you, but really the truth is…I love you…" I told her and held her longer.

That was when the little girl held took the little boy's hand once more, and held it, staring out into the sunset that was shining down on them that day.

But every good thing must come to an end; what goes up, must go down….


	6. Rebirth 6: Conclusion pt 3 of 3

**So, here's the newest installment into this series, and I hope that it is written well. Writing in first person is one of the trickiest things for me being that I can only peer into the mind of one character for you, the reader, and takes away some interest in my opinion. But now, this is the final part of the "Shinji's Past" story arc, and hopefully the ending is satisfied. This will be the newest one since the next will take awhile...  
****The one thing I'm going to say is that this will leave many questions unanswered...I think. If not, then at least a few, and you'll see as the story goes along why I chose to do that. At least you see the somewhat motivation of why Shinji came back, and maybe you'll see it based on the ending, who knows...  
****To summarize, I hope you like this and tell me what you think. If you hate it, let me know. If you like it, let me know. I love criticism or encouragement. Thank you to you readers who have stayed with the story, as I will continue this story and make it the largest one I've written, I have an idea as to the rest of the events that will take place, but as usual they might change...we'll see. Anyways, as I always say, on with the chapter!**

_-_**theWanderingANBU**

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_But every good thing must come to an end; what goes up, must go down…._

Rebirth Conclusion pt. 3 of 3

Months passed, days went by, and my life was changing by the moment. I realized that everything had gone downhill since I told her I loved her. I knew she felt something hit her, but when she wrapper her arms around me and held onto me, there was a different feeling in the air. It was a feeling that didn't make sense, and at first I thought it was love, but in a different fashion. I felt cold air, ice, glaciers dangling above us, this world of coldness. It was as if I wasn't in the world anymore, but somewhere else that I couldn't place.

Pain, pain was what ruled this realm. Pain was what created the chill, the icicles, the feelings, everything. It was this pang of loneliness that stretched across the horizon, the snow that covered the ground, so pure and clean as if nothing had ever even touched the land, until I came, and that was when the turning of the hand had begun. The ground had a different color that seemed to make the ground change into black, darkness consuming me. I felt it, something else coming from this place. It was a feeling that was so familiar yet so different than anything else, and at that time I couldn't place my finger on it at that time.

After that day, it had become almost a non-existent relationship between us. Only during the days were we ever together, and it seemed that after school, it had become nothing. Once we were outside of the confines of school, it was gone, destroyed, decimated, everything. It was as if the light of the tunnel would stop shining when the last bell rang, and would shine again at the beginning of the day. There I was, at one moment holding her hand with a sign that said I'll be there for you. Next minute, she disappeared and into this realm I appeared.

So when a year went by, I was about ready to give it up, to let it go because I felt the rejection I feared the most. I had it planned, I had everything ready to say to her when I tried to figure out if it really was the right thing. I wondered if I should end it, even though it had been the best relationship I had ever been in…and many times I was a coward to do so.

I stuck with the normal routine of the relationship during the day, but none during the night. People were like foreigners, and it seemed I couldn't tell them anything about this problem of mine. After all, I realized that I had no one other than Mana to really go to since I didn't take the time to get to know anyone.

In my dreams during those haunting nights, I saw someone standing there, chained up to a wall with no locks that could be picked. There were no keys, nothing. This guy had this look of pain, pain that had been dealt with for so long. There were prods poking at his sides, looking so familiar to me. His hair covered his eyes, and his mouth drenched in his blood. Sweat was trickling down his face. His brown hair was long, but dry and seeming as if it was only there just to be there. It lost its purpose for him, his skin growing paler and paler by the second.

It seemed as if, out of the whole crowd continuously walking by, I stood there frozen in place. I didn't know what to think or do, and I was curious to see who this was, this person suffering to where no others could see it.

That's when he raised his head slowly, it's look causing a crescendo of emotions to go directly at me. That's when the world faded, and the only two people there were me…and the one held in chains…

…_Myself…_

He looked at me with those lifeless eyes, with the flame of life dying with every passing second. However, when he saw me, his eyes lifted just once, and a bright smile appeared on his face. It was the smile I couldn't understand, and even now I barely understand the meaning behind it now. Still, in that moment, I could feel myself wake up, drenched in sweat and tears streaming in my face. Although I didn't feel the pain of the lances poking at the sides, inside, it was a whole different level.

These meetings would keep going and going as the months of distance growing between Mana and I went on. The more and more I saw him, the more and more weaker he got, but in the end, he still had that smile that seemed to give a feeling that everything was going to be fine again. Still, even though it seemed that way, I still felt dread and the shock of death reach me.

I ignored it every time, every day, the feeling as if now the hollow shell had gotten to the point to where it's beyond repair. The wind could blow me away, and yet no one would notice. I felt death sweep over me blindly, though it seemed I knew it was coming. It was coming for me, and had given me plenty of warnings.

That was when, I finally decided to go through with it; talk to Mana about what was going on. I had to, it was something I really needed to know. After all, I had gone through this enough, and if I didn't figure out what was causing this to happen.

"Mana, we need to talk." Was the first thing muttered out of my mouth right after the bell rang. She ignored me once to where I wasn't going to take it, and thus I took her arm and held it tight, to where she turned and looked at me with shock. However, in her eyes there was something I didn't see before, something I wasn't sure I wanted to see. Disgust, this form of disgust as if I had dirt on my face, and I saw it in its pure form in her eye, and I couldn't understand why I was receiving it now from her of all people. I felt as if I died to the ground, but immediately I saw her face contort to the smile I fell in love with. This time though, it wasn't real, it was fake, a snake laced with venom in its fangs. Her cold gaze that was covered by the petty smile and look of her "genuine side" was something I didn't understand, I didn't even know it then. Though I knew it was fake at that time I didn't understand the meaning behind those eyes.

"What is it Shinji?" she asked me with that fake coated tone, but at the time I thought was genuine. I was giving her the benefit of the doubt that the look she had given me wasn't that at all, that it was indeed on accident.

"Mana, I can't say it here…" hell I didn't want to embarrass us at all, this had to be private, and so I had to say this in order to make up an excuse to walk her home too, "it's something only between you and I, and that's all…"

I could see something in her that seemed along the lines of disgust and wishing that she didn't have to. I felt a pang of sadness, but covered it like a veil, as with everything else that had ever hurt me in my life. If you think about it Misato, my life had been nothing but pain, and here it went again, that cycle of pain.

"Ok Shinji, we'll head off now then…" she told me with a groan of dissatisfaction and a look that seemed to give that brightness that life once contained. It seemed that the one thing I was holding I once considered precious seemed to be rusting in front of me. The one object I truly desired, the one object I held with a grip that screamed I never wanted to let go, was slowly being eaten away by rust of life. And with each slow passing second, it was going faster than I thought.

We walked in majority of silence on her way home. Never once did she make eye contact, or reach for my hand like she once used to. Nothing, not a single term of affection or love emitted from her. I couldn't think of anything to say, being that we hadn't talked at all in a while. I decided that I had to break the silence of it all, and I didn't know how to start, but gave it a shot.

"Mana, we haven't talked at all, not in awhile, what's going on?" I asked her in my genuine tone of voice. I wanted an answer, and I needed one from her. At this time I was pleading to myself that it would be good and that everything would be ok.

"Nothing Shinji, nothing I'm fine, sorry about that…" she didn't even seem to be listening to what I was saying.

"Mana, really what's wrong?" I asked her once more inquisitively, trying to find a solution to everything that had been happening. It seemed as if she still didn't hear me, as I didn't even catch a single look from her.

"Nothing really Shinji, trust me, I wouldn't lie to you about anything would I?" was the answer she gave me, straight through her teeth. She had that hint of annoyance in her voice when she said that, and I knew something was wrong. Something had to be wrong with her, and she wouldn't let me know about it. I was going to ask her about it but she got to her house at the wrong moment.

I cursed my fate under my breath, and I tried to talk to her, but she wouldn't even say goodbye, nor turn. She just walked away from me without anything to register that I even existed. Once again, fate had drawn the unlucky hand for me, or I had become the sacrificial pawn for fate in the game of chess.

I walked away wondering why this all was happening, and why my world that I had grown so accustomed too was starting to die off. I wondered why it was happening, but slowly and easily did I begin to become numb to everything. I was becoming numb to what was going on, and once again I was falling back into my shell. At that time, it seemed that I had fallen once again into reality that had hit me harshly, and slapped me for wishing for something pathetic.

Days went by once again, and I found myself becoming once again accustomed to having no one to talk to, no one to be near. Once again I was alone in this world, betrayed by ones I loved and held dear. My mind went back to wavering between the hope of tomorrow and the torment of the present. I couldn't help it then, it was just the way things were.

She hung out with her friends while I would sit in the vast space of the rooftop, recalling the precious memories of when we were really together. The first kiss, the first time we held hands, the first time I caught her true smile, the first time I had ever felt alive. Misato, you were great to me, but this feeling was different than ever being here, it was a feeling that felt as if I could say I wasn't alone anymore. Now, it was gone and it seemed I could never recover it.

One day changed it all though, one day made it a day that would change my life and make me realize what I have to do now. It was a day etched into my brain, seared and cut into it so I could remember my duty and what I felt obligated to do.

It was a day of walking home after school, I walked alone like the last few weeks I had, lost in thought about why it changed, trying to replay anything that would change our relationship until I felt my cell phone ring. Never had my cell phone rang before, nor did I ever think I would use it. I brought it with me in case you or someone would call Misato, but no one did. Still, when I heard it ring, I looked at the number to see if I knew who it would be.

"H-Hello?" I meekly replied, wondering who it would be. After all, the number on the phone was considered "Unknown" and bore no identification as to who it was.

"Shinji, it's me Mana, we need to talk now…" was the only thing she seemed to muster with a cold icy chill behind her voice. I didn't know what to say, because I didn't want to talk to her at all. After everything that had happened I re-examined that feeling and realized that, I was only telling myself that I didn't want to talk to her. In the end, I had wanted to talk to her really badly.

"Ok, Mana, we can talk, but I need to learn a few things about why everything is happening this way…" I mustered, feeling bold enough to say the statement. I figured that even though I was slowly becoming introverted again, I was going to use what little courage I had left to tell her what I needed to know.

"Fine, meet me on the corner of Sakoto & Itsuma way, 9 o' clock tonight. We'll talk, as I have some things that I have to talk to you about." Was the reply, and it was still laced with that secretive venom I couldn't understand or grasp.

I agreed to it, nodding and muttering an "ok", and then I heard a click and it was gone. Her voice, her voice that I wish would've soothed the pain I felt from her instead of making it seem worse.

At 8:30 I left my apartment, walking in a comfortable pace towards the corner. I wondered and pondered the many possibilities of what was going to be said. I had that feeling, that little feeling that seemed to say that tonight wasn't going to be a great night. In fact, it was going to be one of my worst nights. Still, as much as I heard that, I ignored it, and continued walking towards the corner.

When I got to the corner, it was 8:59, one minute before the time we were supposed to meet. I stood there with a feeling of unrest and nervousness, I wondered why it had to be at this late of night to talk to her. It didn't make any sense at all, none whatsoever to where I could rationalize.

Immediately, I felt someone come up behind me with a silence following them. Time froze for that one second while I was scared for my life. They were inching closer to my ear, and I could feel their warm breath on my neck. I stood there, frozen, an ice statue that couldn't move itself.

"Shinji, we need to get out of this area right now…" were the whispered words I heard. I felt a breath of relief escape as I turned around to look at the shaded figure. I could see the outline of the body, and immediately I knew who it was.

"Ma-," I tried to say, her hand upon my mouth with a finger over her mouth. I complied to that, following her as she led me into a dark alleyway. When we were out of sight from everyone else I still felt that fear that I couldn't let go of. In fact, it was elevated more from where we were at. It felt as if…something was about to go wrong.

"Shinji, I'm sorry for making you do this really…" she told me with a warm voice, and I could only muster that fake smile I had learned to use to mask my real feelings.

"It's alright Mana, really it is…" was my reply with a meek voice, hoping that it would reassure her that it was fine.

"You sure about this Shinji…" she asked me while looking at me with glazed eyes, eyes that seemed worn out and exhausted. I looked at her and felt worried for her, and not for me. I came over to her and I held her, not knowing what told me to do so, but taking the chance.

"Don't worry about it, what I'm more worried about is you…what's the matt-," was what I could muster, until I heard the cock of a gun. I felt something press me in the back, and immediately I pulled away. I looked at her with shock, seeing that she had a gun, pointed at me. I felt scared, worse than ever before. There she was, the woman I loved holding a gun at me.

"Mana, what's wrong, why is this happening?" I asked her with a scared tone, looking at her eyes still exhausted but holding that fuel of hatred she had had towards me for this whole time. I saw her stay still, not budging or moving. She seemed confident and poised, sure that she should shoot me.

"Shinji, why are you in Tokyo-2? Why are you here?" she asked me, staring me down. I could feel chills forming on the back of my neck.

"I just came here to get out of Tokyo-3 Mana, that's all…" I couldn't tell her more, I couldn't tell her my past that plagued my very nightmares. This was the lie I had to fabricate to keep another from getting close to me.

"No Shinji, what is it that drove you here from Tokyo-3?" she asked me again, this time with more of an assertive tone, as if waiting for me to give her the truth.

"Because I didn't want to be there anymore, there was nothing left for me, and I came here to escape the pain I received while in Tokyo-3." Was the next thing I told her, telling her only half the truth. She looked at me with a half look that said "Finally" to another of "That's still not the answer I'm looking for".

"Shinji Ikari, pilot of Evangelion Unit 01, fought for NERV and aborted Third Impact, am I correct?" was what she said with a harsh tone, but a monotonic voice at the same time. She spat out the words like they were nothing, memorized and ready to be released. I felt shocked, looking at her with a shocked look.

"How did you know?" was the one thing I could muster from my mouth while she gave me a cocky smile.

"You know the day that you had fought that angel that was in orbit, that tried to smash Tokyo -3? The one that still exploded and blew up apart of the mountain?" was what she asked me while I looked at her, still standing in shock and wondering where she learned all of this.

"You remember when I told you how people were making fun about me and my family?" was what she asked me right after, and I felt my blood run cold. I had a feeling I knew where this was getting at.

"When you guys stopped it, it was a good thing that you had saved the many lives of the residents of Tokyo-3. However you, Shinji, had killed my parents in the process, crushing them with your Units foot while standing in place to stop the Angel, and not only that but you destroyed the remaining members of my family, except for my sister and I!" she snapped at me, and instantly I fell down onto the ground, appalled at the news she told me. A feeling of guilt swept me and I couldn't let it go.

"Thanks to you, I had to move here not knowing what had happened to my family. I was told they had died in a car wreck on their way from work but NERV personnel. They told me that they apologized for it and so they relocated my sister and I, hoping for the best…but then you came along. You came and began going to school and I saw you and felt something weird about you."

I looked at her still shocked, wondering where this was going to go now. I still felt as if the world had crumbled, and I was barely floating over the remains. I felt like hell was going to consume me while I sat here, tortured by this information.

"I thought I would get to know you, and I did. We went out, and I didn't like you at all. Hell, I thought you were okay, but even as we were going out it seemed as if you were annoying, dumb, pathetic, weak. But still, I felt like I was slowly getting to like you, even just a little bit."

I felt myself being stabbed on the insides with every word she spouted at me, my mind gone into another realm. She had done it; killed me on the inside, left me with nothing at all, and yet she still continued.

"Then I had been told by someone that worked for an organization all about you, and your past. Then they told me the actual truth behind my parents death, and that's when I felt my hatred for you begin to boil. I felt this insurmountable anger towards you, and I wished you dead. Worse, they told me that they had taken my sister away, and immediately I felt even more hatred towards you. You caused me this grief, pain, everything I didn't want to. Now, I want to end it, make it go away…with you dying." And those words made me snap back into the situation, and I couldn't find anyway of saying anything to help the situation. Still, I gave it a shot, fearing for my life that was now in her hands.

"Mana, please don't do this, don't do this at all…" was all I could muster to her while she looked at me.

"Why? Why shouldn't I?" she snapped back at me, and somehow I felt words come to me that I never thought of using before.

"Killing me won't do anything at all, it won't help at all for you!"

"You're lying, I'll avenge my parents, I'll get my sister back!"

"That's a lie, killing me won't bring your parents back!"

I saw her eyes open wide with shock at the words I had said, her hand dropped to her side. I looked at her and saw tears slowly start to form in them. I got up and saw her trembling, and I wanted to comfort her at this time.

"I'm sorry your parents died, and that I killed them, but killing me won't do anything. Violence won't solve any of this. Mana, I promise you that we'll find a way to get your sister back for you, I won't let her get hurt…" I kept coming closer to her, inch after inch. It seemed that she snapped out of the daze and she pointed the gun at me, tears pouring down her face.

"Don't come near me Shinji! I'll shoot you, I really mean it!" she exclaimed at me, and pointed the gun at me. I held my hands up, still walking up to her.

"Please Shinji, don't do this to me! Don't come near me please!" she said with desperation, her head hung low. I still kept getting near to her, and when I did, I immediately wrapped my arms around her. I held her with an embrace that I hoped said that I loved her still, that I wanted her to be ok.

"Mana, it will be ok, I promise you that. Please, don't think you're alone in this, that you have to do this…I'll help you, I promise you that. Please don't cry." I told her while holding her weeping form in my arms. Her arm once again fell to her side, and she melted into my embrace holding onto me tightly. I held her and felt warmth radiate from her, feeling comforted now.

That was until the situation once again changed, when I heard the sound of a click from another gun. I couldn't move once again, holding Mana in my arms while I heard footsteps come up from behind me.

"Mana Kirishima, you failed to complete your mission, as for I will have to complete it for you. You're sister will perish because of your failed mission. As for you Shinji Ikari, it is time to say goodbye to the life you have had." He said while he pointed the gun at me.

It was slow motion once again, and it seemed as if the bullet went slow coming out of the chamber. I turned to look at it, frozen in place and my eyes open in shock. However, I felt something move from my arms, and turned to see if Mana was still there.

She wasn't in my arms anymore, and before I knew it I heard a scream of "No!" pierce the air, and the sound of a bullet making contact with a body. I turned around once again and saw Mana falling to the ground.

I saw her falling, becoming lifeless with every passing second, and immediately I felt my pain magnify once again and anger course through my veins.

"Don't think you'll get away from this Shinji, for as though she is foolish, you're the one to die!" he snapped.

"You bastard! You killed her, you killed Mana, how could you?!" I snapped with the venom in my voice that had never been there before, and he laughed at my pain.

"I don't care if she is dead, she deserved to die. As for you, you were already dead from the start…" he said, while I fell to the ground again, near her body and her form, hearing her breathing become more shallow with each breath she took.

I heard the click of his gun again and knew he was ready to fire. I still had my head hung low, admiring the gun that was still left where Mana dropped it. I had one second to grab it, having to dodge the bullet that was going to come.

"Goodbye Ikari…" was the way he said my name, and as soon as I heard his finger move on the trigger, I jumped out of the way. The bullet fired but missed its target, its target holding a gun and pointed at its owner.

"No, it's goodbye to you…" I snapped at him, firing her gun at him. It went straight through his chest, and he flew. He died instantly from the wound and I felt myself drop the gun.

I killed another human being, I had killed someone that I never thought I would. I never wanted to kill a human being, but now I had. I felt tainted and impure, and I felt my world shatter. That all had happened until I heard a whispering cry for me coming from Mana.

"Sh-Sh-Shinji, I'm…cough sorry for this…" she said while I rushed to her, grabbing her limp body and holding her. I felt the blood seeping through her shirt and felt her blood coughed upon my arm. I felt my tears brewing in my eyes. This was a dream, it had to be a dream was what I kept telling myself.

"Mana, you're going to be okay. This is just a dream, not real, this can't be happening…" I told her, feeling my body shake. I had to say it, I had to tell myself that the moment was a dream, had to say it out loud for the world to hear. But with her touch, her hand stroking my cheek, I realized that it wasn't a dream. I cried out, tears flowing down my face while I held her dying form.

"It's going to be okay, Shinji I'm sorry about this…those words…weren't true…" she told me with a look of sadness on her face. I looked at her with a pathetic smile that sent what little happiness I had left.

"I know Mana, I know, you were doing it to protect your sister, I know…I'll get her out I promise. But don't leave me Mana, please don't!" I wept out, while I felt her arms slowly wrapping around my waist. She pulled herself up to my face and I looked at her shocked and frozen.

"Shinji, thank you…for everything…and for my sister…thank you…and I wan…want…you to know…I love you…" she said to me while closing in on my face. I felt her warm lips kiss mine for the last time.

"I love you too," I told her after the kiss, whispering it in her ear. That's when I felt her breathing stop, and felt her go completely limp. I knew what happened, I knew what was going on, but I couldn't look at her face. I held her closely in my arms while trembling, crying at the same time.

"MANA!" I screamed out in agony, the pain surfacing in every loud cry I made. I didn't want this to happen, it wasn't supposed to be this way. I let go of her lifeless body and saw the smile on her face, and felt that it was good that she died happily, though it wasn't great to die.

I then decided to walk up to the now lifeless body of the man that had tried to kill me, searching for anything bearing an identity.

"Mr. Tsukonada…" I looked at his badge from the agency he worked with and looked at the back of the card, only to find the name of the business and assignment that was attached to it.

"_SEELE Repentance Corporation, _Objective: Kill Shinji Ikari and come back…" I freaked out when I saw that, and immediately I had a feeling of what was going on. I called for someone to help out, and got her body to the hospital. They had to confirm she was dead, and immediately I called to put her in a cemetery, where she resides now.

That's why I'm here, I have a feeling that I know why they were attacking me and what they're objective is…

And worst of all…the person that rules the company is…

My father, Gendo Ikari…


	7. Redemption: Stage 1: Altering

**Looking at the previous update date, I realize that it's been kinda long, and I apologize for that. I've had a writer's block sadly, and it's stopped me from writing this time to time. But through the powers of staying up late at night, editing and reworking parts in this chapter, I've finally come up with a chapter that hopefully has a lighter and funnier tone to it. It may be good, may not, please let me know.**

**Once again, thanks to the readers who stick with this story. Even though it was a common idea to start the basis of the storyline, you've stuck with it and I thank you for that. Hopefully this chapter still won't let you down. **

**So please let me know what you think of the chapter and the direction the story is taking. Criticism is even accepted! **

**No on with the chapter**

**-theWanderingANBU**

* * *

Redemption Stage 1: Altering

"Shinji, you have to be kidding right? What's going on around here then? This doesn't make sense!" gasped Misato after hearing the story, shocked at the revealing information that Shinji had expressed throughout his story. If he was right, and if there was another SEELE, it could only lead to one conclusion of why it exists. But she still wasn't sure, and it still was weird to have it happening again.

"What are we going to do about it Shinji?" asked Misato with a worried tone, catching Shinji off guard to where he had a shocked expression on his face. Silence filled the room for awhile, the feeling of tension apprehending the very breath they were taking at that moment. It was a question he wished he didn't have to face.

"I don't know Misato, I came here having a feeling that they're going to do something to you and Asuka. I'm here to make sure nothing happens." Said Shinji with a hint of uncertainty, a frown ceasing Misato's face, "I don't know what's going to happen. Nothing was said on that card, nothing. The only questions left are…when are they going to attack? What are they going to do? And Why?"

"We know the why Shinji, we know the why, it's to initiate Third Impact…again…or at least try to. You stopped it from happening Shinji, that's the thing, and now Gendo's trying to make it happen again." Said Misato, dissecting the information passing through her brain at the moment, while Shinji still sat there clueless; what was so important about Third Impact initiating?

"Then why do I have to die? Why would my father want to kill me? I'm needed to create Third Impact…so it doesn't make sense…" said Shinji, Misato giving a defeated sigh while she looked at him.

"I guess so…we'll have to figure that out later, but for now let's make sure that no one gets hurt…" stammered Misato while Shinji sat there in silence. Once again silence had seemed to penetrate the air, causing Misato to tense up. After awhile, Misato just couldn't take it.

"Damn it, I need a beer…" snapped Misato while she got up and headed to the fridge, Shinji continued to sit motionless and uneasy, which gave Misato an idea, "why don't you try and comfort Asuka while you're at it? After all, she's been pretty down lately…"

"W-What?! Misato, I can't do that! I'm the one that caused it to happen in the first place!" stammered Shinji while Misato grabbed a beer out of the fridge, closing it while she started walking back towards the table.

"Well, it wouldn't hurt you to try now would it? And besides, she might not be necessarily mad at that, could be something else." She exclaimed, opening the beer, waiting in anticipation to drink it.

"Misato, I can't. It would be pointless right now. I'm no good at comforting anyone, nor would I get anywhere with Asuka in comforting her." Stammered Shinji continuously, looking a little embarrassed and feeling a slight blush come onto his face. Misato saw this while taking a swig of beer, and was waiting to take advantage of the glorious moment given to her.

"Really now, you sound so worried about her? Seems like Shinji likes someone else now huh?" said Misato, mentally congratulating herself for teasing him again, as his face turned a little bit redder.

"Misato, I don't, it's not like that at all. I don't like her like that…more like as a friend. I mean, I wish I could help her out, but I mean the way it is, I'm the one that caused her to feel this way. There's no way I'd give her comfort, ever." Shinji said, with a nervous and shy tone, causing Misato to think to herself that he really hadn't changed much at all. Maybe a little bit more backbone and sternness, but that was it. He was trying to cover the blush on his face. Misato wanted to prod at that, but decided not to.

"He's in denial so much that it's not even funny…" thought Misato with a cocky smile on the inside.

"Besides, I highly doubt she was sad I was gone, she was probably happy that I left…" stammered Shinji with a look of emptiness showing through his eyes.

"Shinji, you know that she cried the night after you left?" said Misato, her playful banter and tone changing to a serious one. Shinji sat there, his eyes opening shock, never breaking contact with Misato's at all.

"Asuka…cried when I left? What for, she didn't like me at all…" Shinji said, still feeling the shock from it all. She had never given any indication at all, let alone any idea she liked him.

"Are you kidding me? I could see it all over her face, mostly when she was teasing you…man, you are dense like she said…" Misato said, giving a loud sigh of happiness after finishing the GIANT swig of beer. Shinji began to wonder if it was true and how Misato hadn't died from her alcoholic intake yet…

"When did she tell you that…when did all of this happen…" said Shinji, Misato shifting the weight onto one of her arms, resting her head on one of her hands.

"Well Shinji, it was four years ago…when you exactly left…"

**Four Years Ago – **

She knocked on the door, feeling weak and useless, shuddering at the rains touch. It had started raining after he left…somehow it was a feeling like it paid homage to her pain…and she hated it. At the moment, she hated everything. She hated the world, the people, the places, even this door that was in front of her, all because of him. He left her standing there broken, feeling pitiful and betrayed, like the world had left her to die in her own empty hollow shell.

The door opened instantaneously, as if anticipating her entrance. The light illuminated the way, and for a second she thought she saw a figure that had short hair and a skinny figure. It seemed like he was there, and the light surrounding him gave a shadow around him, every feature of his body surrounded by the blinding light. It seemed he hadn't left after all, and his arms seemed to open wide. Tears welled up in her eyes and immediately she reached for him, feeling warmth radiate in her like never before.

"Shinji! You're back! You're back!" she stammered while crying tears into "Shinji". That was…until she felt certain "assets" Shinji wouldn't have…

"Asuka, I mean I didn't know you liked me that way…and I don't mean to interrupt any moment you wished you had with Shinji…but I'm Misato…but hey, if you like women also…"

"Shinji…?"

"I told you…I'm not Shinji, but hey, I don't mind the hug…"

She fell silent in front of Misato, trembling more and more, feeling her body almost collapse to where she fell into Misato's arms. Misato held her tighter, knowing what had happened that night. She knew what had happened to the poor girl she was holding, and she could only comfort her.

"It's not time to breakdown…it's not time to breakdown…no…I can't be like this…" she began to say while being held in Misato's arms, weeping with bitter tales while wanting to stay in Misato's arms.

"Asuka…I'm sorry but things like this happen…Shinji had to leave…it's going to be okay…" whispered Misato, trying to ease the pain of the poor fourteen year old girl. She didn't know why Asuka had been like this, why she was crying, and why she was feeling this helplessness, but she had a feeling it was Shinji who had made this happen. Still, she never got an indication that Asuka had liked Shinji, nor much gave him a look or anything at all. To see Asuka in such a wrecked state like this, it had to be worse than she though.

"I don't need him…he's an idiot, he left! How could that dumkopf leave like that?! Baka…Anta Baka…" Asuka continued to weep in her lament, feeling alone and gone. She felt like she had lost the second closest person to her in her life, and she didn't even realize that he was. In fact, she thought he was the worst person on the planet. She despised him, loathe him, and yet envy him. She envied his piloting, his skills, everything. She admired him although to her she could never admit that on a conscious level. Whenever she looked at him though, something clicked in her mind that he had been a better pilot than him; but she wished he wasn't. That's when her hatred rose for him with grew with every ounce of her being. Yet, when he left, when he took those footsteps that pushed the distance between them, she had realized that she didn't have the hate that she wanted, instead she had her heart flutter, and flying away into the night, only to die after going up so high.

"Asuka, it's going to be okay, you just have to let him go…you just have to let him go…" Misato kept saying to her, hoping that her words would reach Asuka and help her out, but it didn't. It didn't even come near her, not in any way or fashion.

"It's not going to be okay, what are you talking about Misato? He's an idiot, he left like the coward he always was. He's nothing but a spineless wimp, and to think that I…I…" continued Asuka with another wave of emotions that fluctuated through her body. Misato felt like she had to hold her closer, the motherly instinct kicking in. She felt Asuka melt into the wrap of her arms, and she began to weep more into her chest.

"Asuka he'll be back, and if not, you can move on, don't let him be the one to ruin you, let yourself move on. Can you promise me that Asuka?" asked Misato with a tone that would make any normal girl reply with a yes…too bad Asuka wasn't, where she remained silent…, "Damn it Asuka, he's gone, and there's nothing that you can do! Don't you understand, in life things unexpected happen, but that doesn't mean we need to dwell on it. I thought you were better than this Asuka. Now you've become weaker than Shinji…"

Misato knew those words would stop Asuka's crying because Asuka never loved being compared to Shinji, and when she was it was hell on earth. Asuka stopped her sobbing and trembling for a brief moment, a sigh of relief escaping Misato's lips. Then, she felt Asuka tremble again, but with a different feeling than before.

"Don't you ever compare me to that dumbass, spineless, good for nothing, Third Children! He's nothing, he will never be anything…he's a coward. The Great Asuka won't let herself cry anymore, nor will she depend on anyone, and this is a vow I'll keep…" snapped Asuka, the tears still remaining on her face, holding back her sadness with her hatred, "and if you compare me to him…gods know what I will do…"

"Alright then Asuka, you're not like Shinji, in fact, no one can be compared to another person…"

"Good, and don't you forget I'm not like that baka who ran away…"

"You're right Asuka, but let's let it go, what's done is done. Let's move forwards instead of letting this set us back…"

"You know for once Misato…you're right…let's get moving…thanks…"  
A faint smile was on Asuka's lips, and Misato couldn't help but smile back at the improvement of the young woman in front of her. She felt that, for once, Asuka was happy even if it came from the bitter situation.

"Alright, now that that is settled…"

"What is it Asuka?"

"We need to cut down your BEER intake…and settle your sadness about you-know-who…"

"Figures you would say that…"

**Present **

"Hah, she got you back for that…figures she would do that Misato…" said Shinji smugly, the laughter rising while seeing the anger rise in Misato…let alone the embarrassment.

"Shinji, quit trying to divert the whole point of the conversation!" snapped Misato, and immediately the laughter was immediately silenced. Shinji stopped as he seemed to have a look of confirmation that he had heard what she said, "She was hurt by you leaving Shinji; you left us like that and ran away."

"I already told you why Misato…there's nothing more to get at…"

"There's more to it than just you leaving…how could you leave her like that?"

"Because!"

"Why Shinji? What drove you away from us?!"

"I couldn't find acceptance in either one of your eyes!"

Misato stood there, now stunned at the words that she had just heard come Shinji's mouth. Was it true, had she not shown him acceptance at all? Or was it that he could see her eternal drive to destroy every Angel thrown at them? Now she felt a pang of guilt rain over her.

"I never could find myself being accepted for what I did, nor did I ever gain accomplishment, all I felt was that I was only accepted because of me piloting EVA. The type of acceptance I wanted, and what I meant, was that acceptance to where I knew you liked me for more than my fighting, or my piloting, or anything else. But I couldn't…" Misato felt tears starting to swell in her eyes, Shinji's head drooped down and once again he became the vulnerable fourteen year old that remained in Misato's mind, "all I could find was the happiness you felt when you saw me destroy another Angel. All I saw in Asuka's eyes was bitterness and envy, jealousy and rage because of my piloting EVA. What am I supposed to think when I see those in your eyes? I couldn't stay, I had to leave…"

The silence took over the room, and no one could find any words to grab out of the air to throw to another. There was no comfort meant to be found, there was no happiness meant to be found in this silence. Instead, he made sure that at this precise moment; hell would be on Earth to destroy the very root of their lives.

"Shinji…you're right…" Shinji felt a knife stab through his chest with those words. He had been right though he wish he wasn't, and immediately he felt his flame of hope die, "but that doesn't mean I didn't accept you for who you are at the same time." Misato gave him a smile while she said it, even if he wasn't looking at her directly, "I accepted you as who you were, you're a great guy Shinji. You just…need to gain more courage…and you should know Asuka by now. She shows her affections in the ways you wouldn't be able to tell…or at least I think that is the case…"

"Misato, I couldn't tell how she felt about me…there was no way to tell by the way she kept picking on me, and kept pushing me aside like I was the enemy. How can one see the affection and possible acceptance from the eyes of coldness and darkness…"

"Your mind perceived it to be that way; that her eyes were cold and harsh. Your mind perceived that she didn't like you, but you never took the time to look into the view of another. When you close your mind you don't see the possibilities of what is happening and what they could mean. Interpretation is created by one's self, and then it affects what happens in the future. You can change that perception now Shinji, please help her, she's been a wreck more than anything…"

"It's not going to be something I can heal, even if I'm going to apologize to her…what's the point…"

"You're pathetic then…"

"What?"

"You're pathetic, I never meant for you to be the instant heal-o-rama invention and stuff, it takes time. Wounds that are as big as the one you left take time to heal, but you can make it start by helping her now…Shinji, start looking towards the future today, you can help it out."

Shinji gulped nervously, realizing that her words were true; he could help her out now if he wanted to. However, once again he felt powerless, like he couldn't help her at all. He cursed himself in his mind for his weakness that he wished was never there. At least…he thought it was gone, he thought he lost it when he was with Mana. Instead, it had been sitting there waiting to attack him at his most vulnerable time.

"Misato…"

"Don't give me it Shinji, I've had enough…"

"But Misato…"

"Damn it Shinji, be a man this time and take charge, help her now, show her that you care. I mean, you couldn't make a move back then, then make you're move now!"

"…You're right Misato…I'll do it…"

Misato gave him a bright smile, and a comforting nod, signaling to Shinji to get up and walk to her room. He got up, hesitant at first, but willing himself to get up and go to her. It may have taken some time, but he finally accomplished it, slowly walking towards her room.

"Here it goes…" Shinji urged himself, faintly knocking on the door.

**Asuka's Room **

She hadn't been asleep for that long, even if she was comfortable a little bit. She was still plagued by nightmares that dealt with Shinji leaving her again. She didn't want to have to wake up again.

She had thought about the past, remembering the day he left and the pain it caused, and felt tears stream down her face again. She hated it, she hated that day and how much he meant to her. She wished at times she could go back in time and change everything that had happened between them, to make things better now than they are. She was running away, she had accepted it, but didn't she have the right to? Didn't she have the right to take out this psychological revenge against him, even if she did like him a little bit right now?

She heard it, a faint knock on her door, and instantly she jumped at it. She didn't want company right now, she didn't want anyone to come to her, yet it seemed as if she wanted it at the same time. She sniffled a little bit, curing the situation and predicament she was in. She didn't want anyone to see her like this, no one. She stopped the sniffle, hoping that if she didn't say anything that they wouldn't ask to come in. She was hoping that the five words that were typical in a situation like this wouldn't be said…unfortunately they were…

"Asuka, can I come in?" she muttered "Damn it," under her breath, though she felt a sigh of relief escape her lips. He was there, and she did want him to be there, but not when she was looking like this. Since when did he also be brave enough to confront her in a situation like this?

"I don't want you to come in!" she snapped out, her usual response while in her mind she screamed for him to come in. She had hoped that, with this newfound courage he had that he would come in anyway.

"I'm coming in anyway Asuka, we need to talk!" he snapped back, causing her to go into one of her typical "Asuka fits" again.

"I don't want to talk to you, just leave me alone!" she screamed while the door opened, the light blinding her eyes. However, there she saw the same figure that she had seen four years ago, the shadow covering his entire body.

"Please Asuka, let me talk to you! Don't be this way!" snapped Shinji, seeing that Asuka was shielding her eyes from the door. He closed it, turning on the bedroom light and immediately she felt herself adjust to the bedroom light, seeing a smiling Shinji standing at the light switch.

"What do you want baka? Can't you see that I want to be alone?" she snapped at him, watching him move closer to her. He stopped standing in front of her.

"Asuka, I'm sorry for what happened four years ago…I'm sorry for all of that…" Shinji stammered, trying to find the right words to say.

"Coward…"

Shinji looked at her shocked, the fierceness in her eyes so cold that he was freezing all over, goose bumps taking over every inch of his body.

"Four years ago, you left, there's nothing more to say about it. We all make mistakes, and we learn from them…" she continued on, a warmth radiating from her words and around her, "what matters now is that you're back, and you're here with us. I don't know why you came back, but you did. So let's look towards the future instead of holding the past in front of us, how about that?" she told him with a warm smile that got him to smile back. Somehow, it seemed that the bridge had passed over the troubled water.

"No Asuka, even if I let go of what happened in the past, I'm still sorry for hurting you like that, for making you go through that pain. I wanted to make sure no one suffered because of me, and in the end someone did. I'm here to make amends for it all, to make sure that I can make peace with everyone and to regain my life again." He had told her half of his reason to be back because he couldn't will himself to tell her the rest. He couldn't get himself to tell her about Mana, or about his dad and everything that had happened. For now, like Asuka had said, he was letting go of the past, and looking towards the future; a future dealing with having the friends he had once had.

"Well, you certainly did it the wrong way…" she snapped at him in a lighter mood than normal, he still flinched at the words, preparing for a smack from her.

"I guess so…but hey it was worth a shot wasn't it?" he told her smiling, her smile still there, but weakening a little bit.

"Nope, it was stupid the way you did it, you could have gave warning or something…"

"I tried….I thought Misato had the same phone number, but she changed it…"

"Figures…"

He sat down onto the bed, following his impulse in his gut and not the reasoning in his brain. Asuka sat there stunned and shocked at this, jumping and backing up from him a little bit.

"You know what though Asuka, I'm kind of glad she did, or else we wouldn't be here right now talking. I don't think we would've gotten anywhere with this…" Said Shinji, just sitting there, staring out in front of him and not at her, causing her to just sit in wonder; he looked different than before. Just recently, he looked short, scrawny, and spineless. Now, he looked more like that man he was, and it caused her to feel a light blush come onto her face.

"I guess so Shinji, but still it sucks that you had to do it like this. It just makes you look more like the idiot I keep calling you…" she said with a snicker that made her chuckle a little bit.

"Well this idiot is here trying to make amends with everyone in Tokyo-3, but more importantly, with you…so what do you say? Do I get your forgiveness?" asked Shinji with a more serious tone in his voice. Asuka gave him a smile that seemed to comfort his trembling.

"Alright, you got it, even Wondergirl isn't as bad as you are. I mean, even if she doesn't have emotions or seem to, at least she wasn't like this…" snapped Asuka, once again saying it with a lighter tone.

"Good…then how about this Asuka, let's start over again…" said Shinji, hugging her and holding her in his arms. She still felt the shock course through her body, and a feeling of nervousness course through her blood. How could he make her feel this way, the blush intensifying in her face.

"Shinji…what are you --," she stammered, until he cut her off.

"I promise Asuka, I won't hurt you again. I'll make that vow…" he said, Asuka still not replying his embrace nor smiling. She just felt odd. It was something she was enjoying, but at the same time feared most. His touch, his body against hers. It was something she wasn't used to, and it scared her. Immediately her reaction began…

"Get off of me pervert! You said that we were going to start over again, not you hanging all over me!" she snapped at him, pushing him off of her.

"I'm not a pervert, I was just trying to give you a hug, how is that being a pervert?" he snapped back in retaliation, causing Asuka's blood to boil.

"You were probably thinking about me in lecherous ways while you held me, who knows what was going on with you while you hugged me! Schist!" she exasperated in anger.

The argument went on for many minutes, yelling emanating from the bedroom. Things could be heard being tossed around the room.

"Sorry!" was the typical response coming from an ACTUAL argument between the two.

"You better be Anta Baka!" was the other typical response.

A light snicker could be heard outside in the kitchen, and a sound of a beer can opening whistled throughout the rest of the apartment.

"Back to their old ways again…I wonder how long it'll be until they actually admit their feelings to each other…" Misato thought to herself, drinking the beer and sitting there with a cocky look.

It was going to be a long night in the Katsuragi residence…


	8. Redemption: Stage 2: Collision

**Well, hey everyone. It's been awhile hasn't it? I've been busy, so I must apologize. Acting time consuming. But nonetheless I have a somewhat short chapter for you. Hopefully you'll like it, the pacing is slowing down for now so I can really develop some key things for this story to perpetuate, or else if I kept at the pace I had set (though I think I still do maintain it) I would lose you at the end with a "WTF" possible wondering. So to make sure that this story gives it's all, I present to you yet another contrasting chapter!**

**Lastly, you have to read the doujinshi RE-TAKE for EVA, it's brilliant. Unlike any other doujinshi that's only the typical bad one (though some are alright, but I haven't seen many good ones) this one delivers a beautiful message and is a good "what if" situation set into place. It's different than you'd think.**

**So I hope you enjoy this once again. Please tell me what you think by reading and reviewing. If you like it or don't like it, let me know so I can see if I need to make the story go faster. Otherwise on with the chapter, the next one'll be up soon:D**

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Redemption Stage 2: Collision...Heaven And Hell Combine

He gulped nervously at the doorway leading to his delivery point. It had this ominous feeling to it, one that seemed to show danger and hell. He didn't like it, nor the feel of it, and sadly he had to accomplish his task of getting the items delivered. Working a job as big as this, and getting chosen to do it was he biggest job anyone could get at his company. It was the job that, if he succeeded, would earn him a promotion…or at least it should. He gave a nervous sigh, and with a large gulp rang the bell that was at the door.

There was no response, there was no voice to confirm who it was. Instead, what happened was the door in front of him opened a little bit, allowing the man entrance into the building. He still felt himself feeling like something was wrong about the place, as if it was evil and something brewing in there. The pitch black behind the door wasn't helping out much either to clear his mind. He had to assure himself that nothing was wrong with this place. So with the most hesitant step of his career, he stepped into the darkness, rolling the package on the wheels supporting it. Once he stepped into the darkness, the doors behind him closed, causing his fear and panic to rise through his body.

"Hello? Anyone there?" was his meek and small reply, his voice echoing in the place. He continued walking forward, hoping to find a light switch or something to help himself find somewhere to go. Still, no lightswitch, no walls, no support, nothing; a blank and dark room was all that was around him.

"You're finally here…do you have the equipment I sent for?" asked a cold icy voice resonating in the room. It was a voice that would send shivers down your spine, weighed down with burden and objective. Heavy with anger, sadness, pride, blindness; it was the voice of someone who was striving for something he wanted to where he would never give up on reaching that goal. Immediately the delivery man freaked out.

"What? Where are you? I guess I brought the stuff you ordered, sir…" snapped the delivery boy, looking around and still feeling around, hoping to find that person. He was freaking from the way the man sounded but he still had to get this done. Nothing would stand in his way, not even if the man sounded deadly and cold.

"Good, it's here then, what I needed. Turn on the lights…" snapped the cold voice and immediately the room illuminated, and the guy was fascinated at the sight.

There were many hallways around, each seeming to have many mechanical doors attached the wall. Each marked with a number that represented the door and what room number it was. He looked around and realized he was only in the center of the building, the first floor. There were windows to look into what they were working on, but they were blocked by some black tint on the windows. However, only three steps ahead of him stood a man with graying hair, a rough beard and moustache, along with tinted glasses on his face.

"Excuse me sir, sorry about that…I-I didn't know you were there and…" the delivery man tried to state, feeling insignificant in the man's tired eyes. The man's eyes he stared into were as cold and harsh as his voice, etched with pain and suffering. More importantly, his eyes carried a fire that contained a desire the delivery guy couldn't figure out.

"I don't care, do you have the items I need…" the man snapped, the delivery guy completely trembling from the harshness in the tone.

"Yes, sir, just need you to sign here…" the delivery guy stuttered, putting a delivery notice in front of the man. The man didn't even blink, or move really, all he did was move his hand and sign the paper.

"Is that it?" he snapped, looking at the prize behind the poor delivery man.

"Yes it is…Mr. Gendo Ikari…" snapped the delivery boy with a fake smile, hoping to put this situation at ease.

"That is all I require from you then, now please leave…" snapped Gendo, immediately walking past the guy and grabbing the equipment and walking off, the delivery guy standing there completely shocked and feeling shameful. This was different than he had ever been treated before, and it felt weird the way he was shunned.

"Right…" the delivery guy snapped back, almost walking out, until he was caught offguard.

"Oh, and Mr. Sonori, you may not speak of anything you see here." What was there really to see? Everything was covered up with a tint if there was anything secretive. He hadn't even really seen what was in the inside of the place, he just saw the outside of it. Still, with a sigh, he humbly nodded and walked off, hearing the door close behind him. The feeling he would receive from that place would still haunt him, no matter what promotion he got.

**Back inside**

Gendo continued to walk with the equipment in his hand, the box containing what he needed to continue in his project. He didn't care about the man, or signing that damn paper, all he wanted was this precious equipment that would move forward the objective he had in mind. Slowly, he entered the door labeled "No. 12076," and entered into the lab that had been created behind those tinted windows.

You could see people working furiously, typing away at their computers or analyzing the information passing right in front of their eyes. They had been working tirelessly around the clock, barely taking breaks in order to move as fast as the commander had wanted it to be. It had all been falling into his plan, and all he could do was contain the malicious smile that would be on his face.

His desires, his plans, his point in all of this was coming to fruition, and he enjoyed every second of it. He would get what he wanted no matter what, nothing would stop him in his madness for his yearning.

Even if he saw the people working on their part of the work, never stopping, he never stopped inside the laboratory. Instead, he headed towards the door that lead out of this room, that bore no label, that lead to another corridor that seemed to only lead to one destination. He continued to walk that path, with no hesitation, nothing. His next step, one of the most crucial, was going to be behind the door that was labeled "REPL TR0666".

The mechanical door opened in front of him, the little dim light barely protruding out of the open door. He walked in briskly, the mechanical door closing behind him. Fixing his glasses, he kept his eye on his next target; the next part of the objective. This time, he wasn't going to allow this second chance at life to ruin any of his plans, and he wouldn't let her run away from doing it.

"I won't help you. I've done enough damage to many people, this is going too far! I won't fall for it again!" snapped his target, immediately shunning him and scolding him before he could even spit out the words.

"You will help me with this or else you'll suffer." Snapped Gendo, setting the wheels down and slowly putting the equipment he ordered in front of his target.

"I won't help you again! I won't do it again! I won't allow you to control me again!" the target snapped, not getting any reaction out of him.

"You will do as I say, or you will die as then you serve no purpose for me…"

"This is for nothing but your fucking wife who's in Unit 01! Don't play that, don't try and use that on me, and if Unit 01 is so important, where is it? Where is your precious Unit 01?"

"That is none of your concern, right now your concern is what I say. Or do you wish to die."

"So I have to get dragged into this once again, and you're making me have no choice in the matter?"

"Precisely why you're sitting there right now, in this room. Plus, you have no where to go to, you aren't even considered alive. No one will know you or that you're still alive. That is the one thing that I have made sure of."

"That's why I hate you…and I won't help you…"

"Trust me, there are ways of making you help me…and you know what I can do to make you work for me…"

"Please don't…"

"Then help me, do what I've written for you…"

"…Okay."

He smirked at the results of this conversation, turning around from her. Though he seemed to be the type to never bear emotions on his face, nor to even be a man of emotions, he had one etched upon his face. The sight of it that had caught Ritsuko's eyes for only a second drained the life from her body.

The eyes of a demon, the face of chaos, perfected in a man bound to Earth by the objective he kept inside.

Protecting what was precious to her meant the sacrificing of her pride and honor, and that was how she knew how to live life.

"Death is only the beginning of Rebirth…and when humanity messes with God's domain does it seek its retribution…Humanity only wishes to be God once more…"

**Katsuragi Residence**

"Misato! Asuka! Breakfast is ready!" said Shinji with a cheerful tone, setting the plates on the table. The fresh and amazing aroma filled the room and apartment immediately, causing the stampede of the two he had cooked for in the first place.

"Aah! Amazing! If it's one thing I really missed about you Shinji, it's your cooking…" said Misato with a glazed look over her eyes. She wasn't in the apartment at the moment, because for now she was in heaven thanks to the sweet smelling aroma.

"Thank you Shinji! You're actually saving my life here by cooking. Misato's cooking was death to me everyday. So for the moment, I'll actually admit you're helping me." said Asuka with excited and with her standard smirk that Shinji could always remember while in Tokyo 2.

"It wasn't that bad…" said Misato with a nervous laugh, causing both Asuka and Shinji to think "It was really that bad…"

"Misato, just admit it, the nights I cooked you couldn't help but feel like it was a great meal! Your food could never compare!" snapped Asuka with a more cocky tone, Misato started to tense up. Shinji took a deep sigh, getting up from the table acting like he was getting more food. Here it came…3…2…1…

"Are you kidding me?! It was great, but don't bet your luck on your cooking being in a different league with my cooking!" snapped Misato back.

"Heh, it's even more pathetic when you destroy instant cooked meals! Half of the food you cooked was instant stuff and you still messed it up…"

"You're asking for it you little…"

"Hey Asuka?" interrupted Shinji, causing both girls to cease from killing each other at the moment. Asuka looked at him with a weird expression on her face.

"What is it Shinji? Can't you see I've got someone to kill here…" snapped Asuka, immediately causing Misato to want to strike back. Shinji immediately replied back so he could save someone today.

"You're going to be late if you don't leave for school now…"

"You're kidding right?"

"Nope…"

"Shit!" snapped Asuka, running up and getting to her closet, grabbing her clothes and setting the record for fastest time in getting ready for school. Somehow, she managed to pull it off in fifteen minutes, with ten minutes until school started.

"I just realized that school starts earlier now…damn…" snapped Asuka, running out of the door without saying goodbye, leaving Shinji and Misato to sit and get ready to talk seriously.

"Misato, I'm going to need your help in finding where my father is, before he gets drastic with whatever he's doing. I have a feeling that he's going to be doing something soon, and it'll be worse than before…" said Shinji with a worried tone, Misato staring at him with a calm face.

"Look you'll be fine…we'll have to talk more about it later…" Misato said, taking a quick yawn in between her phrases, "I'll try and see if there's any information I can get through NERV database. There might be something there that could help us…though I don't see how fifteen year old records can…"

"Its fine Misato, I'm thankful for that, but really I'm sorry for dragging you into this. I really didn't want to…" stammered Shinji, a pang of guilt etched on his face. Misato sighted at this and put a hand on his, immediately she felt him tense up. He still wasn't used to the human touch even though Mana had given him that.

"I told you once before, I'm here for you. We're like a family Shinji and I won't anyone in my family to be hurt…and I will help them. It's a sacred promise I vowed to myself once…" Misato said with a confident voice that faded away until he noticed something odd about her actions. She had a sadness in her eyes, and when she held the cross necklace up in one of her hands, he saw something in her eyes. Maybe a memory, maybe something he couldn't see. Still, as much as he saw the pain cloud her eyes, he saw one thing.

They were connected through pain they both experienced, and finally he felt a bond between him and Misato. The once feeling that he was only useful as a pilot and nothing more had slowly faded away, and with her touch and promise, he felt a whole new connection with her.

And in that brief moment, he felt his guard slowly wither away with only the simple affection of another human being, he felt that finally, he had found a better reason to live once again.

"Thanks Misato, thanks…" was what Shinji replied with, causing Misato to smile. Even if this was a small period of time, and even if this wasn't something that important, it still showed her something she had only wished to have seen back in the past four years ago. She was ready for him to pull away from her touch, but instead she felt a warm reply back. Seemed that Shinji had finally grown up and learned to receive another's affection.

"Besides this, I have another thing I need to discuss with you…"

**School**

It was the only place she could consider a sanctuary from her normal life. It was the only place that she could get to if she wanted to escape her reality for eight hours. It was a place bearing nothing but a place where she could be someone else, and not the true self she so desperately seeks to hide from others. That's what her point was for school, to be someone else that bore the name Asuka Langley Soryu.

It had been known for its beautiful scenery of its front part. It was built with beautiful flowers across the front of the building, and the perfectly cut grass helped out. The building itself wasn't prestigious, it just felt like another one of those ordinary schools. With its pale blue skin and dark blue edges, the place felt colder than anything itself. Still, as much as it seemed horrible, the outside made it seem like the greatest place.

Inside, chaos only seemed to reign on it. Nothing had been done to improve the cracks in the walls, or how horrible the condition of the inside was. Nothing had been done about it, but no one complained. Everyone tried to ignore it, allow it to be there while pretending it wasn't there. That's what life was like at her school, and to think she went to a college that made this place look like shit.

"It's better than nothing…" she muttered to herself, a breath of disappointment escaping her lips. Maybe she needed her old life again, even if she had just scolded it a second ago. At least during that time period she had more to live for and more excitement in her life. Still, as much hell as it caused and could've caused, finding a reason to exist in fighting in her EVA gave her a better feeling than now. It made her feel…empty.

She couldn't describe it exactly, but empty seemed to fill up her mind when it came to describing the feeling. Without its power and the fact that she could be well known from it, she still felt this feeling like she was going to be safe in it no matter what. It was something that made her feel connected to something that was familiar and foreign at the same time. It was like the feeling of almost…maternal…but she couldn't describe it.

She wondered why it felt like that, when during the last fight she felt her mother was there with her. Even though death had almost consumed her, it still felt like her mother was still trying to protect her no matter what. Without that feeling, and without recognition, her feeling of existence vanished. It seemed this whole time she was an empty shell.

"Why does it seem like he brings out the things in me I hate?" she scolded herself in her mind, cursing the day he returned. Ever since he had returned, nothing had been ordinary to her. Instead, it felt foreign to her because it seemed that with him around, everything had become new to her. The way she talked, walked, breathed. Even her thoughts that she had feared to think about.

Longing…hope…yet fear and hatred, resentment, closeness, what were these feelings that were driving her right now? Why…around him why? She thought she liked him, but what if she didn't? What if what she thought was love and like was wrong and that she was wrong. The great Asuka Langley Soryu wrong! That's a load of bull right there…but still the possibility remained that she was wrong after all. She feared this feeling, this insecurity that she had still been holding on to, but it still wouldn't let go of her at the same time.

"Damn you Shinji…" she muttered under her breath, now just sitting down at her desk. The bell rang right after she sat down, and she felt thankful that she had at least remembered to make in into her seat on time.

"All right Stand! Bow! Now sit!" yelled the ever proud and strict voice of Hikari. Hikari stood there with her glare of death, that said "Don't mess with me or I'll be your worse nightmare." Asuka liked that about Hikari, she wouldn't take any bull from anyone at all.

"All right settle down, settle down. Get ready for another look at NERV and how they saved the world from destruction…" was the standard beginning the teacher gave. Asuka always hated this class because it was full of lies that once again the government had came up with. For one thing, there were EVAS, and the teacher never really talked about that. Well, only a save few new about the EVAS, but no one dared to talk about it. Second, NERV wasn't a military base, but a geofront. It killed her hearing that it was a base that was built secretly like a building in Tokyo – 3, it already made the guy look terrible in her eyes. Last, she was one of the people that had helped at least try to save the city…though she had gone through a lot of damage psychologically and physically. Not only that, but the embarrassment she went through back then, with losing her synch ration had destroyed her mentally. But still, even in the midst of this shouldn't she at least get credit? That was what drove her mad about this teacher, he was suckered into government propaganda like everyone else.

"Based on this, this is going to be a boring day…I wish Kaji were alive, at least then I could try and find a way to ditch this place…" snapped Asuka to herself, resting her head on her desk, and falling asleep.

Somehow, right before the bell was going to ring, Asuka woke up, feeling better than ever. She gave a light yawn that she had learned to make sure no one could hear it, and immediately sat up to look like she was paying attention now.

"So class…that ends our discussion on the almost Third Impact and how our world would forever become drastically changed…I think…just remember how lucky we are to be alive. Remember to look this up, I'm sure you'll find this on some sight…" said the teacher in his bright and cheery mood while everyone looked at him sullenly. They hated this class, the message was seen in everyone's eyes.

"Sorry I'm late! I had a few errands to take care of and forgot track of time. Is class over?" said a voice from the hallway, causing the teacher to flinch and look at the doorway with agitation.

"Yes, you missed the whole entire class, but it's okay. We've gotten information about your reasons why and you were cleared this morning?" said the teacher with a deep sigh to relax himself so he wouldn't snap.

"Well, should I at least introduce myself to the class?" said the huffing and exasperating voice from the hallway. Asuka laughed at the guys sound from being tired. She figured he must've barely ran or something.

"All right, step on in…"

As he as he stepped into the classroom, Asuka looked at him with shock and confusion.

"Well everyone I'd like you to meet our new classmate…"

"Hello everyone…my name's Shinji Ikari…"

If Asuka's sub-conscious had a voice…there would've been a loud scream emanating throughout the room…for now her sanctuary was destroyed in that second…


	9. Redemption: Stage 3: Retribution

**So sorry for how long its been, I've been rather busy and felt myself at a loss. I had a trip in Greece to perform with a cast for an acting festival, and since have been keeping up with schoolwork and theatre. But how have you been? This is a rusty but my trying to step back into the writer chapter. Hopefully it serves the reader with some interest and will keep you into the story. I hope this doesn't seem like a filler, but if it does it is understandable.**

**So without further delay, here is a long awaited and due portion of You Should've Never Came Back! And don't hold back the criticism either! -theWanderingANBU  
**

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Redemption Stage 3: Retribution

"I have to go here, I don't have a choice!"

"What do you mean you don't have a choice? You have a choice! Don't tell me that you couldn't decide to go here!"

"Tell that to Misato then, I wasn't the one giving me an order to go here!"

"What? So are you doing to do everything Misato tells you to? Are you her dog or something?"

"I'm not her dog! I just think that she's right about me going here. I already know people that go here and also you're here."

"Anta Baka!"

It seemed the argument was garnering more attention one would hope for. In the hallway while walking to class, everyone could hear them, watching the two claw at each other. Some mutters of "Old love rekindled again" or "Here they go again…" could be heard echoing throughout the hallway. Once again school was becoming normal again…or at least some people seemed to think…

"And you just happened to have the same schedule as you do…"

"It's been two weeks already! You think I would've picked this schedule? Did you ever think that there's a possibility Misato picked a schedule that would keep us together?"

A silence enveloped the two as Shinji felt an odd aura right next to him. Turning to look at his side with hesitation as his guide, Shinji could see Asuka's blood boiling inside of "So you wouldn't want to take a class with me? Why not? You don't like me?" asked Asuka, a hidden message behind her eyes. Usually, she would've had Shinji nervous and cowering.

"Well I didn't say that's what I wouldn't want -," stammered Shinji, looking at Asuka and her "hurt" look. Inside, he was cursing that trait of hers, it always killed him, "I might've taken a few classes with you, but don't you understand? Misato did it to protect both of us. She wants me to protect you while if I stay with you, I'm safer here. I wouldn't take all of these classes, some of them seem like a joke, but I need you to help out a little. Asuka quit thinking about yourself for once and learn to think of others."

Asuka turned her face away from Shinji, and it seemed like he punched her in the face. Pain registered in her mind while her eyes opened in shock. Had she even given Shinji thought? She thought she did, and she hoped he could tell, and now she just found he never could see it. Silence cut through and pierced them both because the world seemed quiet and still. They entered into the classroom still in silence, sitting at their desks and looking away from each other.

"This is the first time I heard them this silent before…" said one guy while walking towards his desk.

"Well, that was kind of a hurtful blow don't you think? That would've hurt anyone, and I didn't think Shinji would ever say that…" said the other guy, standing at the other guy's desk, shifting his glasses back up to his eyes.

"Yeah, never saw that one coming from him. Usually she's the one got him sulking about after these types of things. Look at them both."

They both looked at them, both Shinji and Asuka having a look of morose clung to their faces.

"And I'm shocked Kensuke, you didn't record their argument this time…" said the one guy, looking at Kensuke.

"Are you kidding?! I have integrity when it comes to that stuff…there's no way I'm letting that out. In fact, I think I deleted the file right after. Touji, what do you take me for?" silence ensued between the two, "This sucks, they actually look good with each other aside from the arguing…and the dominance competition…and everything else…what I'm trying to say is usually they mix well together. No one wants to go near either one of them because people think they're together."

"I guess so. I can still remember catching Shinji staring at Asuka. In fact, between Rei and Asuka, he stared at her a lot more didn't he?" said Touji with a smile on his face.

"Too bad people caught him staring at Rei a lot more…but hey, that's how high school is these days…"

Both of them laughed at the past, smiling at the warmth from it.

"Say Kensuke, did you ever read Romeo & Juliet like Ms. Toshohira asked us to?" Touji asked, still looking at the two trying to steal glances at each other.

"No. I mean c'mon, who reads for that class?"

"I actually read the book for the class, and it was good."

"Ok…"

"Do you at least know the storyline?"

"Guy gets girl, they both die. Easy story."

"Are you kidding? Shakespeare was a genius when it came to the story." Snapped Touji, looking back at Kensuke, "That's not the point of me asking though. Romeo & Juliet is a tale of to lovers born from feuding families; the Montagues and Capulets. Romeo was a Montague, Juliet a Capulet. They were forbidden to be within a five thousand mile radius with how bad the family war was going. However, they both still fell in love, and they married soon. But, as fate would have it, Juliet was to marry a man named Paris, and in reaction to this she asked the Friar Lawrence to help her get out of it. So he gave her a toxin she drank and it made her seem like she was dead. A messenger of Romeo's saw the burial ceremony of Juliet and thought she was dead.

"Since Romeo never knew of this, he thought she was dead. He asked the Friar for a poison to kill him. To sum up the rest of the story, Romeo killed himself over Juliet, who in turn killed herself for him. The two forbidden lovers were now together for eternity."

Kensuke looked at Touji with a confused look on his face, Touji looking back at him perplexed, "They remind me a lot of Romeo and Juliet, and for some reason staring at them and watching them, that feeling increases more and more."

"…Touji…since when did you pay attention in that class?

"I've always been paying attention…you just need to learn to…"

The bell rings as Kensuke was about to say something. He rushed back to his desk faster than he had ever said "Eva". Hiroki got up as the class representative and started the traditional beginning of class.

"Rise!" Everyone rises from their seat.

"Bow!" Everyone follows orders like they were dogs. "Okay class, today we'll talk about how Third Impact almost destroyed humanity…"

The whole class sighed with a groan…

Touji then leaned over to Kensuke, who helped by leaning a little to meet Touji.

"This is the class to where we don't need to pay attention.

They both nodded, and each played around on their computers.

--Gendo--

A smile etched itself across his face while pride continued to remain in his eyes. Everything he was hoping to work was slowly manifesting into a creature of its own. He watched over his little workers who rushed through everything they could with precision.

"Sir, the equations seem to match with the previous ones…even improving the last answer!"

"If we keep this up, this project could run in no time!" said one worker, constantly typing and staring at the monitor.

"Everything she told us seems to work just fine, no kinks nothing. She gave you one hell of a formula though. It's gonna take a while to work on it and prepare it. If we miss one step, well let's just say the money you have going into this project is going to go down the drain. You can only do this once…" said the lead worker, walking up to Gendo with a report in his hands.

"Excellent Hirumo, keep up the work then." Gendo said with an indifferent tone. Hirumo bowed out of courtesy to Gendo, rushing back to his work station. He walked towards the door on his right, exiting the room into a bright wave of light. Silence permeated the room. Gendo walked in, expressionless while the others in the room were standing near seats.

"Gendo, you shouldn't go through with this! This task is getting way out of hand!" snapped one of the men, a pleading tone escaping his tone.

"You're just worried about Ritsuko, Atataku. She actually went through with this voluntarily." Gendo stated expressionless, Atataku cringing back.

"After you forced her into it! You threatened her Gendo, that was low. I actually thought you were better than that!" snapped Atataku, giving a piercing gaze at Gendo, who seemed unfazed by it.

"Whatever it takes to get this project done, I will do. This is a project that mankind has been waiting for, and in order to continue it, sometimes threatening is the best resource. If you have a problem with it then why work here in the first place?" Gendo said, venom lacing his voice.

"Gendo, stop this now, don't let this get any farther in this room!" snapped the oldest out of the group. Gendo shot a look at him.

"I've made mistakes that altered the scenario. We as humans try to redeem ourselves from the mistakes we made. Let me take that path! I've come this far and I won't stop. You remember the policy right? Those who try to stop will be executed. Mr. Sakachi, if you want to live then you will continue to do as I command. Otherwise, I have no purpose for you." Gendo said collectively while he pushed his glasses up. A big gulp filled the silent room, "Now go and finish the work, the time is coming soon…the beginning of the end…"

Everyone rushed out of their seats, trying to make sure that they stayed alive. Mr. Sakachi watched Gendo walk for a moment. With a look of rage he bolted out of his seat. Fuyutski followed close behind Gendo, a look of reluctance on his face.

"Ikari, are you sure about this? Remember what happened last time -," Fuyutski continued, until Gendo interrupted him.

"Humanity yearns to be God, but all we can ever do is imitate God. What we do on Earth is what humanity creates, what God does in heaven is his. Our lives constantly build upon passion, desire and mistakes. This tie I am sure it will work."

Gendo stepped into an elevator with Fuyutski following, carrying a look of disbelief on his face. Gendo contains himself, but his eyes show agitation. Instead of allowing anything more revealing, he lets out a semi smile.

"I hope you're right Gendo, because if you aren't than humanity will surely perish…" said Fuyutski, the elevator door closing right after his statement.

--Misato's Apartment--

"I wonder how Shinji's doing…today was his first day…I'm hoping it wasn't the way it turned out like last time…" thought Misato to herself while she was drying off with a towel. She had just taken a long bath to relax for the night, "He seems more open this time than he used to be. But the question is will Asuka be okay with him in the same classes as her?"

Misato walks out of the bathroom, a towel on her head and covering her body. She starts walking to the fridge while focused in thought, it seems like this becomes a routine. She opens the first fridge as she snaps out of thought in anticipation for her "best friend". However, no more are there.

"Did I forget to buy beer again? Dammit, that was what I forgot to buy at the store!" snapped Misato, closing the fridge back and walking to her room.

The front door opens and Misato rushes into her room, changing as fast as she can to greet Shinji and Asuka.

"We're home!" they both exclaim in agitated voices.

"I'll be out in a minute!" yelled Misato from her room.

"Damn, they had a bad day…I'm gonna have to explain this to Asuka so she'll somewhat accept Shinji being there. First work then no beer and now this…" she prepared herself as she threw on her red jacket. As she exited her room she could hear the two bicker, which was getting on Misato's nerves fast.

"Asuka accept the fact that I go to the same school and classes with you. I'm the same age as you!"

"Baka, I don't care! I just think we should take separate classes instead of the same."

"Actually Asuka, it's better that the both of you are together in case Shinji needs to help you or you need to help him. It may seem like it's illogical to do so, it's actually more logical to have you two together." Interjected Misato, pulling up a seat that was inbetween the two but a little more back from them.

"I don't see the good things about it. If anything, they'll find us both easier if we're together. Whoever these people are that you two fear are tracking Shinji, then it's a mistake."

"Asuka, if we stay together then it's actually easier for Misato to track us down. Misato already put in a dummy schedule for you and I to look like we're separated in the school system so if they hack it they'll think we're in those classes. Plus, if I have to protect you or save you, then it's easier for me to do so or vice versa. The point is it's safer to be together than to be apart."

Asuka let out an angry sigh, which Misato had to stop her from killing Shinji.

"Look, you are trained to know your enemy or to look at situations in different ways. It's not gonna kill you if you have Shinji with you. You live with him anyway, so deal with it." Said Misato with a commanding voice. Asuka shrunk back with more anger until she couldn't hold it in, striking back at Misato.

"He's killing my reputation and I can't stand him. Everyone thinks we're a couple and I don't like it!" snapped Asuka with a blush on her face. Misato saw the blush and decided to attack.

"Well you two act like it anyway…so why not?" stated Misato, averting her eyes away from the sight of Asuka started to turn into more shades of red.

"What are you talking about? Me with the Third Child?! No way!" snapped Asuka while she looked away from Shinji, trying to hide the blush.

"I bet you could actually picture you two together under a tree with a picnic basket and blanket. You probably have had a kid together too…" said Misato with a smirk, now turning her eyes towards Asuka. Asuka felt herself turning into shades of red incomprehensible to where she never thought she would have to face this day. She turned to look at Shinji, who had a tint of red lining his face. Asuka storms out of the room in a fury, slamming her door behind her.

"Misato, thank you once again for taking me in…I'm sorry for all the commotion lately." Stammered Shinji, Misato smiling as a reply.

"Don't be, in fact I haven't seen Asuka as active as this in a long time…" smiled Misato, a light chuckle escaped her lips. For a while it seemed a silence grew between the two.

"Misato, I don't know what's driving me to this, but it feels like something is going to happen soon, and it's going to happen here. At the same time, I don't want to put you guys in trouble…at the same time I –," continued Shinji, Misato interrupting him.

"You don't have to be sorry. We missed you Shinji, and as much as she doesn't want to admit it, Asuka missed you two. In a way, you're healing the wounds you inflicted on us when you left." She said back, a warm look in her eyes blazed to where Shinji could see, and his feeling of uneasiness seemed to pass.

"I'm sorry, I had to leave. I know I always said I mustn't run away, but I felt like I had to. I betrayed everyone and almost caused all of humanity to perish. I wanted people to die for making me suffer. I wanted my father dead, I wanted to run away from reality because I felt I was alone. Yet I couldn't, not to you nor to Asuka or anyone. When it was all done, I felt so shameful. I was a coward, and I ran away…"

"We all make mistakes. Unfortunately life isn't always gonna be perfect or fair. If life were as great as many people cook it up to be, I'd be way happier than this. Still Shinji, I can say I'm proud of you for coming back. We needed this…"

Shinji drew his eyes back at Misato's, a thankful smile growing on his face. Misato smiled as she looked.

"Shinji, I know I said this once earlier but I have to say it again. You are my family Shinji, without you I felt lost because there was one less person to talk to here. Yet here you are now, and it seems stability and sanity is finally reaching this place."

"Thank you Misato, I'm glad to say this once again, this time without the shyness…"

He looked at her with his brightest smile, and even though this wasn't the same action, she envisioned the fourteen year old boy she once introduced her apartment to him as home.

"_I'm home!"_

A loving and bittersweet smile escaped her lips as she walked over to him, embracing him for the first time.

"_Welcome home."_


	10. Redemption: Stage 4: Introspection

**Hello everyone! I'm so glad to be back! It's been fun trying to remember how the story was supposed to go. Hopefully you'll enjoy this chapter as it became a personal favorite of mine to write! This story has become more of something for me than I intended it to originally be, and I'm thinking that there's going to be 26 chapters (like how the anime is 26 episodes long). I'm hoping that it can carry that far, if not, I'm thinking it'll still be in the high teens.  
**

**Also, I'd like to ask you as a reader to please review. I usually don't like asking, but I need to know what you guys think about how the story is heading and if you do or don't like it. Please send me a constructive critical review, or just tell me how you feel and why you like it or hate it. I want to know you as the reader. So please, don't be afraid to comment. At least 5 this chapter?**

**As to Hououza and Saturn94, I am so sorry to have left you hanging and now I hope you enjoy the story and find the wait was worth the hassle. As to Crazy Packers Fan I am glad you like it. **

**So on with the chapter! Enjoy - theWanderingANBU**

* * *

Redemption Stage 4: Introspection, A Hope Burns Bright for the Future

He felt himself fall into the bedroom with a weightless notion. A smile across his face for the first time as the darkness began to engulf him.

"For once in my life, I can say that this is a familiar ceiling." He felt himself changing as the memories of the past swept over him. The many nights of isolation, tears and troubles that plagued him. He felt the cold sensation of the night, but brushed it aside with the warmth of the bed he had abandoned long ago. Before he knew it, he found himself asleep, now his mind was in the hands of his dreams.

A spotlight switched on, waking him to where he found himself in an unfamiliar area. Everywhere was pitch black, and the only thing lit was where he was; the chair and him.

"Where am I? What's going on here?" stammered Shinji while looking around, his eyes groping the darkness for some familiarity. Nothing, all he could see was nothing, and it caused him to fear where he was.

"You are in the subconscious of your mind, the one that helps to decide on actions with a motive you might not now. I am you of your past, a glimpse of the shadow behind you. I am the you that you call a coward, the one that runs away." Said the teenage boy lifeless while gazing into Shinji's eyes.

"Why are you here? Why do I have to go through this?" snapped Shinji with anger, a feeling of fear and rage mixing.

"You have always been a coward, afraid of others, yet you endanger them with your presence. Why? Why must you come back?" snapped the younger Shinji, interrogative and lifeless.

"Because I want to see them, I want to take care of them!" snapped Shinji, his eyes focused on the his younger self.

"You have always been the coward you claim to be, yet when you're in danger you come back? How are you helping if you decide to come back in a time of need?" said the teenage Shinji, which caused Shinji to fall back into his seat, his eyes examining what was said to see if it had flaws, "Could it be that you are looking for help? Running away from the situation into the arms of another you hope will help you?"

"That's not true! I came back to make sure they were okay too! I'm not running away again, I'm coming back!"

"Yet you see the scars you left when you ran away, and the pain you're inflicting once again on another's soul. Can't you see? You've become what you feared you would be. Someone who isn't wanted anymore." Said the teenage form of Shinji, as another light turned on with a little boy Shinji with his hand in one of his eyes wiping away the tears.

"Father left me after mother died. I was in the hands of my teacher who couldn't even treat me like a son. Do I understand the term love? Even if I have thought I have felt it before?" thought Shinji to himself as the little boy cry even more.

"Father! Father!" cried the little boy Shinji, Shinji trying to look away from it.

"I don't want to remember anymore! Please stop it! I know father left, but I have to push past that now. I want to forgive him for this!" Shinji stammered, tears swelling into his eyes.

"Yet everyday it remains in your subconscious, a drive for you to push. You feel that no one loves you, even when those words escaped your lips." Stammered another figure pushing into another spotlight. The face became familiar, and Shinji's eyes opened in horror.

"I did love you! You were the first one to accept me for who I am and not push me away! I loved you Mana, I did." Yelled Shinji in hurt from the betrayal he was feeling.

"You only thought you loved me. I gave you what you desired and pushed away; affection. You didn't love me, rather you found someone who would help you in your time of need. I became an anchor to this world, a chain that held your brain from escaping reality. You never understood love, even if you tried." Stated Mana looking back at Shinji with spiteful eyes, making Shinji cringe under her stare.

"Mana, I feel in love with you. You gave me warmth, kindness, something I felt changing me. The only thing that pushed that away was when you started to leave me alone. You BETRAYED me! You fooled me into thinking you loved me! I don't even know if you meant those words when you said before you died!" Shinji screamed, an echo permeating the room while the silence became overwhelming.

"You create a perception of reality based on events surrounding you and the opinions forming inside your mind. What you think is love might not be love in the eyes of another. How do you know if she loved you or not unless looking through her eyes? We know that you didn't love her because we are aspects of your mind, characteristics of the past that help to shape your personality and perception." Stated the Teenage Shinji, standing still in his position as if frozen in time.

"As an example, your perception is that your father never loved and just abandoned you without reason. Your perception is only known through your eyes. Do you know your father's perception of why he left you like that?" said the little boy Shinji, sniffling a little bit as Shinji watched him continue on, "Subconscious and Conscious motivations both affect an action. What you think he did physically may be right, but his subconscious spoke otherwise."

"Therefore consciously you think you loved me, when subconsciously it was because I gave you help. Shinji, you haven't loved anyone but one person, and even then you fight off acceptance." Stated Mana in a calmer tone.

"I guess I can see perception, and yes my views shape who I am and my motives. I see reality with nothing but sorrow and anger. Anger at me, and I am in the world where I deserve no love, no acceptance of others. I've created the world I fear most." Said Shinji, looking down at the ground with sadness escaping into his eyes.

"You shape perception based on what you see around you and the actions others manifest and do or create. Every little thing we do affects those around us. Whether they seem little or seem like nothing, the walls and results that come from our decisions create the world around us, in which shapes our identities. You believe that you harmed the world, you became the harbinger of destruction and chaos. Thus you ran away from the world in hopes of leaving a painful reality."

Stated the teenage Shinji staring at Shinji, still frozen in time.

"Yet there are infinite opinions on a single situation based on perception of an event. You consider the aftereffects of aborting Third Impact harmful and that people hate you, despise you and want you dead. Yet there are others who could hail you as a hero. Have you not considered the view of millions rather than believing in one absolute view?" stated Mana.

"We are in a world where free choice reigns, and we create the world around us. In a way, although perception guides us to our very actions, there is no absolute perception. Absolute beliefs, the scale of white and black, help people to limit their perception to a good or bad scenario, yet the world can be seen to be painted in gray for others." Stated little Shinji, his eyes open and smiling, "We as humans constrict our minds in hope of limiting what goes on in our world. Because of our environment and our fears, we allow things to consume our being and motivate our actions."

"Love." Stated teenage Shinji.

"Religion" stated Mana.

"Hope" stated the boy Shinji.

"Desperation" said teenage Shinji.

"Society" said Mana.

"Friends" stated teenage Shinji.

"Family" stated Little Shinji.

"Ourselves" stated teenage Shinji.

"How can that be true? My own family betrayed me and left me in the cold, no one cared for me and I still question if they do, friends were betrayed by me, I am alone in this world! I'm not with anyone nor associated as a friend! I hate being alone again!" screamed Shinji as if he were in pain, his arms covering his stomach.

"You think you're alone, but you're not. You've always had a feeling for someone you denied it to be true, and she cares for you. You are only speaking on the conscious level, but have you ever considered looking into choices and actions subconsciously?" stated the teenage Shinji.

"You believe that the world hates you, and thus everyone lies to you. You think Misato, Asuka, Touji, Kensuke, all hate you because you were abandoned so long ago. Have you ever taken the chance to love yourself and accept you for you? Once you do, your perception could be changed." Stated little Shinji, still frozen still with a smile on his face.

"Lives and who we become are based on the relationships we create and continue, that is what establishes our identity in the world. The more you deny them, the less and less you become. You allow yourself to feel tiny, and thus you yourself become nothing to the world." Stammered Mana, giving a stern look.

"What am I supposed to do? Turn back against my past? Change who I am completely and let go of the memories of my childhood? My childhood was nothing but dreadful! I was left, abandoned, and my teacher never cared for me. Sure my father left money for me with them, but I wanted the love of a parent. I want love, but what if they betray me like Mana? What if I find the woman I thought I loved but then she too betrayed me? I don't know what to think! Someone help me please!" said Shinji, tears streaming his face.

"There is one who you love, the one that you desire, yet you think she despises you, so you keep her at a distance. You thought you've changed, when in reality coming back you've fallen into a state of relapse. With her, you are still you to some degree." Stated the teenage Shinji, a figure showing behind him casted in a shadow to where he couldn't see the face. All he saw was an outline of a figure that seemed familiar.

"You've created walls to make sure she doesn't hurt you again. Yet you desire her affection. It can be seen in the actions you take." Stated Mana, a look of emptiness consuming her face.

"So if I learn to love, and allow myself to find solace in a friend or a loved one, I can find myself okay and my perception can change? I can change my view of the world, it doesn't have to stay absolute! I can make the world become the view I desire!" stated Shinji, a smile starting to form on his lips.

"Yes, your view doesn't have to stay the same, but it can change constantly over time based on actions not only by you but by others. That is the point of the existence of reality, a constant change of perception. Reality can never be absolute, but it can be changeable." Stated the little Shinji, a looking of adoration permeating his eyes as Shinji continued to smile.

"I don't have to feel like a coward. Maybe I was once before, but now I can change. I can remember the past, but I can work past it. I don't have to run away anymore! I'm not anymore! I'm finally the me I want to be!" stated Shinji, a smile of happiness on his face, "I can make the world what I want it to be! I can live in a world that accepts me. I understand now, I can finally live my life the way I wanted to!"

"Then allow the beast that once shouted I to the heart of the world to shout he exists again. Become who you believe you are."

He woke up in a cold sweat, the darkness of the room slowing showing some light entering through the bottom crack of the door.

Smells from what seemed like cooking breached the door and gave Shinji a whiff of it. A question of curiosity hung about it. Was it going to be a meal that he could eat? He remembered Misato trying to cook and well…the result was two people barfing and one angry Misato. As for Asuka, she cooked good food…but it was foreign and had an odd taste and texture for it.

"Can't you see I'm actually following a recipe this time! I'm doing just as the instructions say!" screams the voice of Misato, Shinji had an idea. With a sigh, he got up ready to face the world. When he opened the door, the light came in, and it bore a lighter feeling. This time, he was ready to face the world because he knew he wasn't alone. His world was filled with the love of others and thus it was a world he could finally love.

--Gendo --

"Gendo, you have a guest who claims she was told to see you." Said a man entering Gendo's office. Gendo looked up, giving a signal that told the man that it was okay. The man nodded, walking away as another figure walked into the place. A smile on his face as he saw who it was.

"Everything is going as planned for Ikari and Asuka." The figure stated in a monotone voice, Gendo's smiling increasing.

"Good, everything is going as planned then. Thank you for keeping up on the job. Is he still the same way he was pre-Third Impact?" asked Gendo with a calm and collective manner.

"Hai, from what I've seen he is the same Ikari as he was when he first joined Nerv. Vulnerable and easy in what you were hoping." Stated the figure while standing still and feeling lifeless in their words.

"Then we can continue with the way things are planned. Good job and keep up the good work. We need you to make sure that he is not touched until the time has come. However, you can have spies watching him, making sure to track his moves. Contact me if anything changes, because then the scenario must be altered to fit. Thank you."

"Hai, thank you commander. I will keep on my task." Stated the figure, walking off into the shadows. Gendo sat, turning around his chair to face the back. There, in the window he could see the work of his workers' labor and what they had created. A smile etched onto his face as he stood up with his menacing smile.

"Soon, redemption will be found in my hands. I will be the beacon of what humanity is meant to be."

--Unknown--

"So it seems that SEELE has become obsolete…" stammered one voice with a calm and collected rage.

"All that was once the powerful organization has crumbled under the hands of one boy; all the agencies around the world have been destroyed…" yelled another with fury that could strike anyone dead.

"Even half of the main leaders have either been killed or have no access to SEELE at all, the organization has been doomed…" stated another with indifference.

"However, it seems that they had another way of creating and initiating Third Impact…" stated a fourth voice, a box appearing for it like the other three.

"SEELE may be destroyed, but it's values and beliefs are still powerful and followed by its followers…" proudly stated a fifth voice.

"Yet that is of no point to us. Not only was it the boy who destroyed SEELE, but Gendo Ikari is to blame." Stated the sixth and final voice with disappointment.

"Yet, within the records of SEELE, there was a theory that proposed an alternative way of Initiating Third Impact." Stated the fourth voice with stress.

"Can we use that to re-initiate the "Human Completion Project" then?" stated the first voice, becoming the leader of the group.

"With what it states, it would be impossible unless we had a bright scientist in our hands." Stated the fourth voice with a little anguish and guilt.

"And even then it seems that it will be a daunting task, but how will we start this?" asked the Third with curiosity.

"The only mind who could do this seems to be missing as of now. Her records indicate she's moved from Japan to America." Stated the fourth voice back.

"We must find her, and we must complete the task at hand." Stated the third, the box disappearing.

"Let us complete what was once started." The second one stated, the box also disappearing.

"Mankind will become one once again." Stated the first, and with a cue, the rest of the boxes disappeared.

--School Next Day--

"Why do I worry about her as much as I do? It feels so different…" Shinji thought to himself as he took a brief glimpse of the red-haired girl, "I don't understand what it is…or what drives me towards this feeling. Not even with Mana did I feel this way…" he continued to think as he tuned out the world. Suddenly, for a brief moment he enters back into reality…

"And thus the world was saved by the pilot of Unit 01 from destruction…and he died saving us all…"

"I can't believe the government made up that lie…I didn't save the world…I became its messenger of death…" thought Shinji, his eyes becoming lifeless. A pain deep inside surfaced as his eyes expressed the inner anguish and guilt he felt as he recalled the memories of it. He looked at Asuka once again, and immediately he was drawn back into that moment in time where she…

He felt like he was going to be sick…

He looked around the room with his lifeless eyes scanning the room. He continued to look until he found two orbs looking at him with sympathy and comfort. He stared at her, until he came back from the wound he felt to find Asuka looking at him. As soon as she noticed him, she gave him her typical "angry" look, turning around to face the board with a "hmph" sound.

"Maybe, maybe I can at least become her friend. I don't understand how I feel for her at this point anymore. Did I love her? Like her? I only existed because I felt my existence never reached outside of EVA…and yet…maybe I can find myself in her, and find a reason to break away from my outer walls." thought Shinji with a smile reaching across his face as he stared out into nothing.

"I can be who I feared to be, and I realize that I now don't have to be afraid. I'm tired of being afraid!" Shinji continued thinking, until the bell rang and snapped Shinji once again back into reality.

For the walk home, Shinji was silent and contemplating, causing Asuka to become increasingly frustrated at the Third Child. Finally, when they got home, Shinji began to talk.

"Asu-," began Shinji with a calm and collected tone.

"Oh now you talk baka! What took -," continued Asuka until Shinji interrupted.

"Look Asuka, I need to talk to you about something important and it requires you listening.." continued Shinji, which sent Asuka into a snap.

"You think I don't listen to you? How dare you interrupt me!" snapped Asuka, which sent Shinji into a mini rage.

"You know what Asuka, forget it, I'm not going to deal with this anymore." He walked away from her and into his room. Asuka stood there shocked at the ordeal, shocked that he had backbone and shocked at how he took control. She for the first time felt alone and…hurt. She wasn't used to someone hurting her for a long time.

Finally, at night, Asuka couldn't take it anymore. Shinji had been in his room the whole time and it seemed like he wasn't coming out. With a heavy sigh that gave away defeat, Asuka walked towards his room. However, as she started to get closer to his room, she heard a rusty and sometimes sharp but beautiful sound escape Shinji's doors. Asuka stopped for a moment to listen as he continued to play.

Carefully, she opened the door without a sound and watched as he allowed himself to become one with the instrument. He began to play a haunting and sad melody that began to parallel with her emotions as she felt guiltier from the mood of the song. Finally, she couldn't take it, so she began something she had never pictured herself doing.

"Shinji?" stammered Asuka with a humble and quiet voice. Shinji stopped but didn't turn around, which made Asuka cringe at the cold shoulder.

"I'm sorry about earlier Shinji, I shouldn't have done that to you…" stammered Asuka, a light blush illuminating her cheeks.

"Asuka it's—wait…did you just say I--," continued Shinji, until Asuka interrupted him.

"I did baka! But it's one of the only times you'll ever hear me say that…so don't blow it…" stated Asuka, a silence created between the two. The silence continued on, until Asuka couldn't take it.

"So you got back into the cello then?" asked Asuka as she saw Shinji's eyes light with passion.

"Yeah…except the strings are rusty and it needs a little touch up to help restore it, otherwise I wanted to get back into it. I'm surprised I still remember that…" stated Shinji in a proud-like manner, which Asuka started to feel herself smile.

"You know Shinji, in some ways you haven't changed a bit…"

"What do you mean?"

"You still know how to play beautiful music with that

"Thanks Asuka…" stammered Shinji, causing Asuka to blush. Both looked away, a more comfortable silence built between the two.

"Asuka, there's something I wanted to ask you." said Shinji with a serious tone replacing the calm tone from the past conversation.

"What is it Shinji?" asked Asuka with a kind but wondering tone, sitting down on his bed as he put the cello down to face her.

"I've been afraid for a long time to do anything for myself because I was afraid I would lose that or that would cause more people to hate me. My whole life I felt I was alone, lost in the dark because of my mother dying and my father abandoning me. My whole life felt like it had no purpose to exist, and therefore I felt that no one would love me. Now, I feel even more hated because I piloted the EVA. I felt as if I didn't deserve anything because I almost doomed mankind to extinction, and I still feel that wound seared inside no matter what I do…" Shinji stated, his eyes becoming the lifeless ones Asuka noticed in class.

"Shinji…look you maybe baka Shinji, but no one hates you. In fact, you're hailed as a hero for saving mankind, not dooming it. You didn't do anything, you have nothing to feel bad for…" continued Asuka, Shinji cutting her off.

"I was a coward Asuka! I felt like the world needed to die because no one loved me. Then I realized that I didn't want to harm you or Misato or Rei or anyone…Asuka, what I did has harmed the world and also saved it. I'm the messenger of death to the world, and yet they still hail me as a hero. I feel as if being called a hero is an insult Asuka, because I live in a world where I've been afraid of losing my identity and reason to exist as an EVA pilot but at the same time feared that if I allowed anyone to become attached to me, I would lose them or they would abandon me…"

"Shinji, you won't be. You've got Misato, Wondergirl, the Stooges…you have friends Shinji who care for you. You aren't the messenger of death baka, but you are a hero…"

Shinji looked up at her, a smile of warmth permeated the lips. Asuka felt herself smiling, wondering why she was.

"Asuka, I want to change what I am and who I used to be. I realize that I can start over new. So I wanted to ask you Asuka something major, something important to me."

"Say it already baka! What is it?"

"Asuka, I don't know how I feel about you or what's going to happen in the future. But what I can say though is that I do like you and care for you. Asuka, I want to know if you would be my friend?" asked Shinji with a worried look on his face. Asuka took a moment to look at him, and then let out a laugh of hysteria.

"What's so funny Asuka? Did I say something wrong?" asked Shinji with a worried look on his face. Asuka stopped laughing and looked at him.

"Shinji I can't believe you asked me that question! That was a stupid question…" stated Asuka with a laugh.

"I'm sorry Asuka…" stammered Shinji, reverting back to his old self.

"Anta Baka? Don't be sorry, it's just not many people ask that question anymore. But Shinji…" said Asuka, Shinji looking up at her with defeat and sadness.

"Yes Asuka?"

"I'll be your friend Shinji. After all, I'll be the first girl besides Wondergirl to be a friend of yours."

A smile grew on Shinji's face.

"Thanks Asuka."

And for the first time, there was a true bond between the two, and a connection that had begun to manifest itself.

For the first time, the beast that shouted "I" at the heart of the world, and the lonely girl had genuinely smiled.

And in a world full of pain, they've found solace within each other.


	11. Progression: Stage 1: Acceptance

**Hello again! Thanks for all the reviews that you've given, and I'm glad to hear you like it so far. Hopefully this chapter won't disappoint you in anyway. To those who did review I thank you for your opinion and I am glad that you liked it and told me and vice versa. One person wrote me in private, and to you I thank you for your criticism. Hopefully I've improved on it from what you said, if not I hope I'll only continue to.**

**So enjoy the chapter, as now we enter part 2 of the series. Enjoy the chapter! - theWanderingANBU**

* * *

Progression: Stage 1: Acceptance

"Damn it, why are all the files locked down?"

She continued looking through the files, occasionally grabbing the beer as she continued to type at a rapid pace, trying to break the code. She started to become even more agitated as she typed in another word, only to see a blinking red light invade her screen.

"Dammit! What's going on? These records weren't shutdown last time I looked, and now they are. Why is Ritsuko's file locked out completely? And it's a password she would never use before. God I hate this!" she yelled once again, her scream echoing the walls of the empty building. With a sigh, she shut off the computer and stared off into the blank ceiling.

"This doesn't make sense anymore. Why has everything changed? Was third impact that important to whoever it was?" she continued as she took another sip at her beer and breathed a heavy sigh.

"I'll try again later, it's starting to get late…" she said as she yawned, looking at the watch reading 7:53 p.m.

"Any events she influenced deal with Third Impact. We know about SEELE, but they've been destroyed. We don't know where Gendo went, and the files are locked down. Did he do this? Is she working for him again?" she muttered as she remembered the final days before third impact. It seemed as if she couldn't trust anyone anymore except for the kids and Kaji.

"When I need you the most, you die on me. Why couldn't I believe you earlier?" she thought to herself, until she felt the phone ring in her pocket.

"Hello?" she asked with a tired expression, stretching while she rested the phone between her shoulder.

"Misato, are you coming home for dinner? Because if you're not, there's gonna be left over food tonight…and it'll be German so…" continued the voice on the other line, cut off by Misato.

"Don't worry Shinji, go ahead and cook it. I'm sure I'll manage by getting take out tonight. I'm probably gonna stay late at work tonight. You'll manage through the night right?"

"Yeah, I'm sure I will. She's actually tame tonight…" he stated in a lower voice. Misato decided to key on this and with a smile she decided to tease Shinji.

"So…you two have been on good terms lately…anything special happen during the days I was gone at work? Usually I'd here a baka or something right around now…" she said, as she felt an awkward silence grow in the phone, and she could tell Shinji was blushing right now.

"No nothing special happened…I…" stammered Shinji, as Misato found the break she needed to push the teasing further.

"Sounds like you told her you like her or something…having too much fun at home now?" continued Misato as she could feel Shinji's blush grow brighter.

"No, she doesn't know that!" yelled Shinji, a moment passing until he realized what he said.

"Oh so you do like her then! I knew it! Shinji you should tell her!" continued Misato, a big smile growing on her face. She could hear Shinji stuttering, and then a door opening in the background.

"How's the food coming along?" said another familiar voice on the phone, as a tense silence enclosed Misato and Shinji.

"Go Shinji, get it done before all hell breaks lose." Stated Misato with a defeated tone.

"Thanks Misato. Take care tonight, don't overwork yourself on this." Said Shinji with a caring tone.

"See you guys tomorrow."

"Goodbye."

With a click, she heard the other line go dead, and she felt the burden of work on her shoulders again. She looked back at the computer, hesitant at attempting again.

"It's too late to stop now…and if Shinji's right, this can only help crack the case." Thought Misato, still hesitating over opening the computer, "I have to do this in case Shinji's right. There could be more than what we're even imagining going on…" she turned on the computer and began to type away, the moon hanging over the Geofront. It was going to be a long night for Misato, as work now became the new obsession and project.

--Unknown--

"Have we gotten an idea as to solve our current problem?" stated the first in a cold tone, a box appearing.

"No, in fact it seems that we might not be able to. Her profile is locked, and we don't have the password." Stated the second in frustration.

"None of the usual passwords her or her mother put in are working." Stated the third in an indifferent tone.

""It seems that Gendo Ikari has begun his own work." Stated the fourth with a contemplative tone.

"We must stop him before he alters the scenario once again!" stated the fifth with outrage.

"He destroyed the scenario before, we cannot allow him to make the same mistake twice!" said the sixth in a calm tone.

"Once we figure out this alternative method, we'll be able to initiate the plan, and even then Gendo Ikari will have a hard time trying to stop us." Said the first with a calm tone.

"The forces have been regathering, and it seems we are growing thanks to SEELE's followers…" stated the fifth in a calm tone

"Then we'll have to find another scientist who can figure this out through them." the third said with reluctance.

"We have to make sure this works this time! We will become God again!" stated the first, the box disappearing.

"Gendo Ikari will never destroy "Human Completion" this time!" yelled the third with solidity, their box disappearing into the vast nothingness.

"We will be reborn in a perfect and beautiful world." Said the fourth as the rest of the boxes disappeared into the vast space.

--Gendo--

"It seems we had a little visitor hack into the NERV system." said Fuyutski, standing behind Gendo as he studied the information on the computer screen, never registering Fuyutski's presence.

"We'll need to shut that down before she continues her adventures. The firewalls on that are not strong, and they will be broken. Fuyutski, cut off the MAGI system" stated Gendo as Fuyutski looked at him with dread.

"Gendo, if we do we'll lose all of our progress will be lost if we do." Fuyutski said in a rushed panic, Gendo still calm and unmoved.

"We have been using a new database filing entitled Pilate; one main database to store our info in. We do not need to rely on the MAGI anymore and they are of no use to us."

"But the MAGI is made of three processors in which puts in the human mindset and conditions. Only using one will mean one absolute decision without the human dilemma."

"We are in a world that requires no more of a computer that applies the human dilemma. We are no longer facing the angels and therefore we do not need them. The EVAS are no longer weapons we can use, and humanity will rely on technology as their guide. To apply the human condition to the computers and technology would make technology pointless in the matter."

Fuyutski stood silent, and with a sigh gave allowed defeat to consume him. Gendo sat there, and with a moment stood up and looked out the window.

"Fuyutski, it is time."

They both left the office and went into the laboratory, watching as they watched on screen what their work has progressed into.

"Sir, the tests subjects we had were successful from the work. But that doesn't mean it can work on humans." Stated the worker with fear and a tremble in his voice as Gendo pushed his glasses up to his eyes.

"Then I have no choice but use it on a human specimen. Good." Stated Gendo in his ice cold voice, sending a shiver down the worker's spine while he watched Gendo walked away.

"Sir, take a look at this though…" stated another worker, using his hand to gesture to Gendo to come over. Gendo walked over, and with an indifferent expression, viewed the screen.

"This molecule here shows that it would be toxic to use on a human being. If we were to use this, we could undo everything of them and turn them into LCL. The walls, everything, they would seem to disappear without a trace." The worker said with a worried look on his face, Gendo seeming to not respond the feelings surrounding them both.

"Do not worry about that, because the human specimen I would use has some genetics that make them built differently than you or I, and they will be able to take it. We will begin the testing tomorrow." Gendo said, walking away, the workers typing and rushing around the lab in a haste, taking a moment to reply to him, and then scurrying around the lab.

"Who do we have that we could use to test this out?" asked Fuyutski as they entered Gendo's office once again.

"Simple, she is one of our field agents now." Stated Gendo, as he closed the door behind the both of them.

--Shinji and Asuka--

"So you're telling me that you cooked German food?"

"Yes, I cooked it the way the recipe called for it…"

"It looks like…"

"I'm allowed to have a few bad nights aren't I?"

"Not when you're cooking my native food. Shinji, it's…"

"Bad? I didn't mean to…"

"You actually made it taste the way my mom used to cook…"

A silence passed between the two as a smile escaped her lips. Shinji felt excitement built up as he watched her take another bite.

"Is that a good thing?" he asked her, trying to make sure the excitement he felt was the correct feeling to feel.

"Yeah, it's actually a nice feeling to feel. It's better than what I remember it to be." Said Asuka as she took another bite, "I like it Shinji. I'm just not used to seeing it cooked this way. A lot of restaurants in Germany don't allow it to cook as long as you did, but yours tastes great. So thank you Shinji."

Shinji took his plate and he sat down across from Asuka as the two ate in a silence for awhile. That was until Asuka couldn't take it anymore.

"Dammit! Say something!" said Asuka as Shinji looked up at her confused.

"What do you mean Asuka?" asked Shinji, as Asuka felt more frustration building.

"As in let's talk! How did your day go? Something Shinji! It feels pointless to sit with someone if you aren't going to try and talk. Yes, there's going to be some silence at times but not this long!"

"Sorry Asuka…" said Shinji, looking down at the food.

"Shinji, you need to try and break that habit of saying sorry. You don't need to feel bad about everything! If you did do something, then you can apologize. But there are things that happen that you can't control. Even if you do a little thing, don't say sorry about it, just try not to do it next time."

"Hai. So…I mean thank you Asuka…"

A silence enveloped the two once again, until Shinji decided to start a conversation.

"Did you ever watch the first EVA tests?"

Asuka stopped eating and looked at Shinji with confusion.

"No, why? Did they allow you or something?" asked Asuka, holding still while he looked back at her.

"I thought they would let you being that your mom was the first to test it out right?" said Shinji as her eyes dilated, remembering the moment of seeing her mother insane.

"Asuka what's wrong? Asuka?" asked Shinji as he tried to look into her eyes, her head sunken in sorrow. Shinji took a moment to contemplate, until he felt his hand reaching out to her. However, as his hand reached its destination, Asuka spoke.

"Don't touch me baka."

Shinji brought his hand back away from Asuka as he felt anger building and a tenseness building between the both of them.

"Asuka I'm sorry, I don't know what happened. Asuka what is wrong?" stammered Shinji as Asuka sat there with her head still drooped.

"Just stay away from me Shinji, don't come near me right now." Said Asuka as she got up from the table, trying to hide her face. However, as much as she tried, Shinji could see the tears and anger build on her face.

"Asuka, please talk to me. What's wrong?" continued Shinji, until he felt a surge of rage emanate from Asuka.

"Leave me alone Third! I don't want to deal with you!" snapped Asuka as she ran off into her room and closed the door behind her. Shinji felt his world collapse, as guilt crawled over him. He felt his chances of staying as Asuka's friend left him.

"What did I do wrong? I want to talk to her, but I can't. I'm afraid to find out what would happen…" he thought to himself as he walked over towards his room. Before he opened his door, he heard a few sobs escape from behind Asuka's door. He felt guilt grab him even more as he hated hearing Asuka in pain.

Closing his door behind him, he took out his old SDAT player and put his earphones in. For the night tonight, he found comfort in solace.

--Misato--

"Finally! Damn that took too long.." said Misato with a yawn as she broke into the files that she wanted to look up. It read:

AKAGI, RITSUKO

CURRENT: LIVES IN THE UNITED STATES

PROFESSION: ONCOLOGIST

AGE: 33

BLOODTYPE: A-

HEIGHT: 5'6"

"That's bullshit! Ritsuko wouldn't become an oncologist. She has no knowledge of the field. So why does it say that?" said Misato with frustration. Many ideas swam in her mind as she took a sip of coffee. With a yawn, she checked her watch that read 7:39 a.m. With a yawn, she started printing out the page. However, as she was about to print, another obstacle stopped her permanently:

MAGI CONNECTION LOST! SYSTEM TERMINATED! ERROR!

"Guess they caught onto me. It looks like Gendo might've captured Ritsuko or Ritsuko might be helping him. Those are the two most probable factors." Thought Misato as she got up from her seat, walking out of the place as a couple of others started to walk in for work.

"Don't bother trying to come in, the MAGI system has been shutdown. Therefore, until we get a main processor running, we cannot work here." Stated Misato as she walked away from a crowd of mixed reactions, Misato yawning and hoping to get back home in one piece.

The sun was already shining brightly, and she cursed the light under her breath as she drove faster than normal…

--Apartment--

Shinji was cooking breakfast, making enough for all three of them. He still felt remorse and guilt about the night before, but didn't dare to say anything. Instead, he found himself still listening to his SDAT player while he cooked. Pen-Pen decided to steal his bed for the time being.

"I hate this, I shouldn't have brought it up. Dammit…" thought Shinji as he felt himself sink deeper into guilt. Suddenly he heard a door open, two light footsteps and then a door closing. Shinji continued to ignore it, in order to make sure he cause anymore problems. However, in a mere few seconds, he felt two arms wrap around him and he felt a surge of shock course through his veins.

"I'm sorry Shinji…again…" she said as she let go, a blush on her face as she looked to the side. Shinji turned around and saw her eyes were red and puffy, but a blush on her face as she couldn't look him in the eye.

"Asuka, I didn't mean to strike a nerve or anything last night…I just --," started Shinji as Asuka stopped him.

"I know, I actually can't believe I'm doing this but…I'll tell you why I was like that…" said Asuka with hesitation. Shinji nodded, as he put the finished food on the two plates, leaving the third plate on the counter for Misato. Both of them sat down at the table, starting to eat. A silence enveloped the two.

"They always used to tell me how special I was and how honored I should be for being my mother's daughter. I was the greatest prize of all when it came to the NERV establishment there. My father being a scientist working on the latest experiment with my mom helping, it started to seem like they were the power couple. All my life I lived in my mother's shadow. I wanted to be on my own, to have my own existence…and to prove to my mother I was better than her. That I could live up to her expectations and exceed them. However, I was never allowed to see what went on when it came to the project."

"My mother was the first pilot for my EVA and it was recorded in history. Their work, dedication, all of it was coming to fruition. However, after that incident, my mother wasn't the same. She lost her ego border and her mind was lost from the EVA. It seemed there was something still wrong with the EVAS. They tried telling me it wasn't anything but, there had to be something wrong in order for her to lose her mind right?"

"Since that day, my mother held onto a doll, and it seemed I became the baby once again. There would be days where I would go to see her, only to find her calling a doll in her hands Asuka and not me. It got to the point to where I felt I didn't have a reason to exist, that I became nothing. That was until I was told I was going to be the pilot of EVA."

"You should've seen the look on my face when they told me about me being the pilot. I was happy, and it gave me a hope that I could tell my mom and get her to come back to reality. However, where what was supposed to be my mom and her doll resting in her bed turned into her hanging on the ceiling with the doll next to her."

"I was a doll in my mother's eyes, nothing more, nothing less. I never existed to her, but somehow I was a doll with buttons eyes and a sewed-on nose. My EVA is my sanctuary, my place of identity, and inside it's a constant struggle to fight for my identity. That's why Shinji I couldn't say anything. Even now it's hard to say to you…you're the first I've confided in besides Kaji…"

A moment passed between the two. Shinji looked at her with empathy, something Asuka wanted but was afraid of.

"I'm sorry Asuka that you lost her and that happened to you." Said Shinji in his usual sorrowful tone.

"Baka, it's not you. It's me fighting my past…I can't shake it, I can't find my own identity. I have to prove to everyone that I exist, or else I'll become nothing." Said Asuka with an emotionless tone.

"I don't know if this'll help Asuka but, you'll always exist in my eyes…with or without EVA. That's because you're Asuka Soryu Langley, and you're a friend of mine." Said Shinji with a smile, Asuka looking at him and forcing a smile.

"Thanks baka…"

Another moment of silence pushed to be between the two. However it was a much more comfortable smile.

"Why did you bring it up anyway?"

"I just wanted to see if your mother had to do what my mom did…"

"Speaking of which, what happened to your mom…"

"She died from test piloting the EVA like your mom, except she never came back. She was lost because the synch ratio was 400, and the ego borderline broke and fused itself as one with the EVA Unit 01. After she died, my father abandoned me. So I face the same thing you do Asuka, EVA became my reason to exist, formed my identity…and now I'll be a villain in many eyes because I was apart of Third Impact…"

"Shinji, you stopped Third Impact. Regardless of what happened that day, you became a hero because you kept humankind alive. So thank you, and I'm sorry you lost your mother too."

"I have to accept it Asuka, and you don't have to be sorry either…"

A smile passed between the two, until Shinji looked at the clock. A loud gulp emanated the apartment…until…

"WE'RE LATE?! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING!" snapped Asuka as it could be heard throughout the whole neighborhood. Within moments both Shinji and Asuka bolted out of the door into a mad dash towards school.

"I got caught up in the conversation, what am I the one taking the blame? You could've looked too Asuka!"

"Well you could see the clock from where you were sitting, I expected you to keep track!"

"You could've turned around to look, and you have your cellphone right?"

"Baka! Why would I just pull out my cellphone to check the time when there's a clock around!"

The argument continued on for them, but it wasn't the usual angry type but rather a teasing type. They both found a common link, and they were bound together at last.

--Misato--

"Ah it feels good to be home," said Misato as she entered into the apartment and taking the plate of food back to the table like a routine. She went back to go get a beer, as she found only one left in her ration.

"AAH! THAT FEELS GREAT!" she snapped as she put the beer on the table, a feeling of satisfaction washed over her, "But then again I feel tired…" with a moment to contemplate, she decided to put the food up. She went into her room and fell asleep, leaving the beer on the table…

--Asuka and Shinji--

"So did you hear about the dance coming up two weeks from now?" asked Hikari with a grin on her face as Asuka scoffed it off.

"It's not that big of a deal Hikari, but no I haven't heard of it…" said Asuka as gave Hikari a look of disgust. Hikari ignored it, continuing the conversation.

"So are you going to go?" asked Hikari, as Asuka gave her a glare of death.

"Please…"

"No…"

"Asuka…"

"I don't want to go…"

"C'mon…"

"Hikari…."

"Please…"

"Alright I'll go!" snapped Asuka, trying to get Hikari to shut up. Hikari held a wide smile, as Asuka wished she could take back the promise she just made.

"I have a feeling I know who you're going to take…" said Hikari with a wider grin, Asuka giving her the "oh really" look.

"Really? Who then?" snapped Asuka with Hikari ignoring the angry tone from Asuka.

"Shinji…"

"You're kidding right?"

"You two have been getting close lately…especially the last few weeks. I've never seen Shinji that happy, nor talkative. Ever since you two started talking, it seems he's changed…"

"Well that doesn't mean I want to take him."

"But you two would make a cute couple! And on top of that I can tell he likes you…"

Asuka looked at Hikari with a shocked look, this time a look of question.

"You think he likes me?" asked Asuka with a little bit of hope in her voice.

"Yeah, you can tell. Why, do you like him?" asked Hikari with an inquisitive tone, Asuka blushing a little.

"Why would I like that baka? Besides, he's apart of stooges remember?" snapped Asuka as she took a drink from her tea.

"You seem happier Asuka, a lot lighter and more alive than ever. I've seen the looks you've given him in class. It's obvious Asuka, why do you think the love letters have stopped?"

Asuka looked at Hikari with a wonder, then looking at Shinji and staring. Staring until she shook herself out of it.

"Hikari, even if I did, I could never date him…"

"Why…"

"Because he left me three years ago, shattering my heart. He ran away like the coward he was, and most of all he left me alone. I can never forgive him for that…" stated Asuka as she looked straight ahead of her.

"Asuka, when you like someone or love someone, you have to learn to forgive. Forgiveness and talking things out help a relationship to grow. What you're doing is stopping it from taking the chance of becoming more than just friends. You have to let it go Asuka, forgive him."

"Hikari I can't! He left me alone and told me no one loved him! He left Misato and I in the aftermath of the almost Third Impact. How can I forgive him Hikari, how?"

"Then if you can't Asuka, talk to him! The past is the past, we can never undo it. Forgive him Asuka, try. Because our lives and identities are based off of the relationships we have with others. Without them, we're nothing." Said Hikari, as Asuka sat there with a panged look on her face.

"I'll give the baka a second chance then…thanks Hikari…" said Asuka as she got up from the table, walking towards Shinji.

"Shinji!" said Asuka in her cheerful voice, which alerted Shinji that something was going on and she was trying to hide it.

"Yes Asuka, what is it?" asked Shinji, Asuka giving him her conniving smile.

"I have found a way you could make it up to me for making us both late for school today." She said as she kept her smile on her face. Shinji didn't like how the conversation was going…

"What then?" asked Shinji as the next thing he heard from Asuka made him cringe…

"You're going with me to the school dance…"


	12. Progression: Stage 2: Bonding

Hey to everyone! I'm back and sorry to delay, I've been busy. Preparing for college and working along with all this other work I didn't know would begin have. So I'm here to present a chapter to you in hopes you'll forgive me. I've found new people liking this. I'm glad, though I seem to feel you might not. Please tell me why you like the story in your reviews if you want to, I want to know the appeal :). Oh! and please review, I hope you like it.  
Please tell me what you think, **everyone** please...  
...

Ok, so maybe not everyone...but some people please? Like ten of 'em?  
Anyway, enjoy the read and take care to all :) Nonetheless I'll be back later!

-theWanderingANBU

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Progression Stage 2: Bonding

"Do I really have to wear this? I feel so weird in this…"  
"You're dressed how you usually do…just add a tie and jacket to boot."  
"I don't want to do this anymore…"  
"Too bad…you're already here…you've been here…  
He couldn't help but let out a sigh while he continued to hold her waist and her other hand. He continued to feel nervous and hesitant while he danced with her, fearing that one mistake could send her over the edge.  
"Watch where you're stepping! God, I've shown you how to do this already…" she scolded him while dancing, feeling frustrated at the same mistake.  
"I just don't feel like I know what to do. I try to remember the steps you showed me, but it seems to go to waste. I'm taking the step, but I'm not sure about it…" he told her with a nervous tone, afraid she was going to scold him for that He continued to dance while looking down, watching his feet to make sure he was doing the steps right. One…two…left…  
"Shinji, you have to trust me with this. You can't be nervous or hesitant. Just listen to the music and follow what I told you. You'll be fine." She said while she kept her grip on him, a smile of encouragement on her face. Shinji looked at her, still unsure while her eyes told him to trust his movements.  
He didn't look down as he kept eye contact with her, they continued to dance as a new song came on.  
"Zankoku..."  
The song continued on for what seemed hours while Shinji continued to watch his feet, Asuka watching him with a smile. She shakes it off, edging in closer to his ear, and with a whisper said:  
"Don't look, just relax."  
He hesitated, and looked down again fearing to anger the girl in front of him, a tinge of red on his face. Much to his chagrin, Asuka didn't care about that.  
"Baka, look into my eyes."  
She pulled him closer, which caused him to look up. In what seemed like a timed sequence befalling into slow motion. Shinji's eyes met Asuka, embarrassment plaguing his eyes. Asuka felt a blush escape onto her face, her eyes calm and gentle. It gave Shinji a bad feeling about this moment.  
"Just keep the pace, step 1, 2, 1, 2…"  
"Stop muttering to yourself and just stay calm. You have it."  
He continued to stay frozen in her eyes while lost in the moment. His mind a racetrack for many thoughts that flooded his mind. It seemed these thoughts formed hs mind into a horse race. He felt his cheeks flare up while all he could see was indifference in her eyes. A pang of disappointment reached his mind; he was slowly realizing that his world was shrinking, and in this moment all he could see was her.  
This was the reason why he ran away; she was the one he couldn't allow to be hurt.  
The song ended with a sudden halt it seemed with Asuka smiling at him. Shinji was lost in his thoughts, his eyes blank without emotion.

--Unknown --

"Ishida, are the troop ready to attack?" asked a voice into darkness, a box appearing as representation of this man.  
"Yes sir, we have set up soldiers at each exit. We are ready to carry on with the objective sir." Said another with reverence and clarity, a box manifesting to represent him.  
"What about the object? Do we have it ready?" repeated the first voice, stale and impatient.  
"Sir, we have it ready to go, we have told the soldiers what the plan is and they are ready to initiate the plan." Said a third voice, prideful and a feeling of excitement in his voice.  
"Once we have initiated this, we must rely on time and prophecies. Are we sure we should do that?" said a fourth voice with hesitation, stammering while his box appeared for representation.  
"We have no choice, what about the others that are supposed to meet?" said the first in a commanding voice.  
"They are at the battlefield hoping to watch the plan take form." Said the second, no emotion carrying in his voice.  
"Then we are set then, we'll carry out this mission and may God become one of two." Said the third.  
"Let humankind in turn become the God they believe in!" they all said in unison, the boxes disappearing.

--GENDO--

"Something doesn't feel right Fuyutski…" stammered Gendo, staring into the laboratory and watching the experiment at hand.  
"What? The fact that you took and used him for the experiment? Or the fact that everyone seems like they're starting to hate you. Why him of all people?" demanded Fuyutski with passionate anger, Gendo fixing his glasses towards his eyes.  
"He has something in common with the target that this experiment has. Rei is the last copy, I can't afford to lose her. We have no other choice, once contaminated, always contaminated in some way." Stated Gendo harshly as he heard the bloodcurdling scream emanate from the lab.  
"Stabilizing him, someone give him morphine quick, his brain is going to become mush at this rate!"  
"Water now, we have to keep his body hydrated, it's losing all water within his system!"  
"Oh God, someone we have to save this kid! C'mon, don't die on me kid."  
"Gendo, this is too much, his body can't take this anymore. You have to stop this project now or he is going to die, and where is that going to lead us?" yelled Fuyutski with hatred, anger lacing his every words like poison.  
"We have no choice, we must see if it works, if it fails we can improve and make a successful formula."  
"All of that, sacrificing a human life for that? Are you human Gendo, or just an empty shell?"  
"I don't want to make the same mistake twice Fuyutski. I played God once and almost had us killed."  
"So you'll play God once more and take a life in what you think will save humanity. What if it doesn't, then what?"  
"Then humanity was never meant to enter God's domain, and we've been abandoned. "  
Another scream haunted the lab and reverberated off of the walls.  
"Shit! Someone hurry please, his heart rate is soaring too high for safety."  
"He's suffered a few broken bones, and his spinal cord looks to be destroying itself."  
"I can see bone protruding the skin, his ribs are going away."  
"What have we done?"  
All of those could barely be heard over the patients cries of pain. He squirmed around, trying to find a way to end his pain. Finally, he stopped, and his condition appeared to return to normal minus the bones. Some blood escaped from his lips while he tried to open it, sweat beading down his head. A look of anguish took his face as he dazed in and out of consciousness.  
"Hikari…I like you…"  
A fluctuation of pain hit him, making him cringe in pain. When it stopped, he panted heavily and his body shook. He looked at the two eyes watching him from up top and a smile crossed his face. He thought he saw his best friends up there, particularly one.  
"Glad to have you back….Shinji…"  
Consciousness left him, darkness took over his sight.

--SHINJI AND ASUKA--

The song ended again, and there was an aura of confidence around Shinji and Asuka. However, it seemed after the end of a song, Shinji became hesitant and afraid. Asuka picked up on this, and gave him a congratulating smile.  
"Shinji, you did it. You made it through two songs without stepping on my feet." She said with a smile, snapping Shinji out of his absence. He looked at his feet in shock.  
"Told you you could do it….you should take me more serious about this stuff." She said with a smug look on her face.  
"Where'd you learn all of this Asuka? You're a pro at this…" stammered Shinji while he continued to dance with her, the song sounding distant in the background.  
"When I was training to be a pilot for EVA, I ran away for a time in order to sort things out. I don't even remember where I stayed at, but I was able to find a place to stay thanks to the NERV personnel card I had with me. There were days where it seemed like the world was against me, and I couldn't do anything about it. So I took dancing, because I would walk down the street and see the faces of people leaving the building. There were smiles abundance, and this feeling of peace and comfort. Seemed like the place I needed."  
A smile interluded and grasped her face while she continued to look Shinji in the eyes, cheeks beginning to tint red little by little.  
"So I visited the place, I've forgotten the name since it's been awhile, but I remember I was happiest there for the longest time. It was a place to keep myself busy, having introspection to some degree to clear and comfort myself. As you can see now, the years have had a weathering effect, and you leaving didn't help."  
Shinji looked at her with empathic eyes, a look of shock eyes deceiving his blank face.  
"Why Asuka? I didn't seem to mean anything to you, I didn't seem to make an impact on your life for you to think that. Why is it that I meant that much to you?" he asked her with confusion, shock now plastered on his face.  
"That's –"  
An explosion on the western wall created silence and fear. There were kids running around everywhere while men were rushing in. Shinji, picking up on this, pulled Asuka behind him.  
"What's going on?"  
"Do you trust me Asuka?"  
"What are you talking about?"  
"Do you trust me?"  
"Yes."  
Shinji pulled out a gun from his side and shot a bullet at a soldier coming towards him. He watched the lifeless body fall as he pulled Asuka away from the scene towards a little exit in the back of the eastern wall. He ran through the crowd, having a feeling that he was the target and Asuka would be the next victim. He could hear everyone else being pushed to the side, no one getting killed but being pummeled to the ground.  
With quick reaction and no hesitation, he shot the four soldiers that blocked the door, watching one fall to the floor with blood draping the walls. He could hear Asuka trembling while she ran with him.  
"Asuka, just remain calm."  
She looked up at him while he gave her a smile. She seemed to snap out of it and gave him a cocky smile.  
"Are you kidding? Asuka the great never cowers in these situations, we were trained to handle this."  
Shinji remained calm as he pushed the door open, blindly firing two bullets in front of him, hitting a soldier that was waiting out there in case he tried to escape.  
"We're going to—"  
Shinji stopped as he felt a bullet pierce into his left shoulder, his hand letting go of Asuka's while he winced in pain.  
"Shinji! Are you—"  
She stopped as she watched Shinji shoot the three soldiers in a rapid fire, nailing each in the knee, chest and neck. He took ahold of Asuka's hand with his left, wincing but ignoring the pain that was surrounding his body.  
They got to their car in no time, rushing out with speed as bullets followed close behind. Shinji took an earpiece out and put it on, calling Misato.  
"Hello?" asked a familiar voice with curiosity.  
"Misato, it's me. Someone else is out to get me now." Said Shinji while he drove, his left arm covered in blood.  
"What do you mean? What happened?" she asked in a worried tone.  
"That gun you gave me came in handy, I had to kill about ten soldiers. I'm rushing back to your place since I've lost them." He stated with a calm but assuring voice while Asuka sat there lost inside of herself.  
"I'm so sorry Shinji, but is everyone alright? How's Asuka?"  
"She's fine, and I'm alright. Ow --,"  
"Are you okay?"  
"I'll be fine, I'll see you back at home."  
He hung up on her before she could protest, driving off into the night.

--UNKNOWN--

"It was successful, though ten men lost their lives." Stated a voice that triggered a box to appear as his representation.  
"One of them was one of us too." Said another in a false sadness, another box appearing.  
"Humanity becoming God is our main goal, nothing else. Let us not mourn the deaths of these people, but rather celebrate them in accomplishing what is needed for prophecy to seed itself into humanity." Stated the commanding first, his box appearing.  
"Yes!" cried another with a box appearing.  
"Then let us be off in celebration of Man acting as God!"  
The boxes disappeared into the darkness.

--GENDO--

"Seems like we have another going after Shinji now. His school was just invaded."  
Stated Fuyutski while walking into the doorway of Gendo's office.  
"Was he injured at all?" stated Gendo in a cold tone while looking into his computer, seemingly ignoring Fuyutski's presence.  
"He was grazed by a bullet but nonetheless he was able to escape with Asuka, killing about nine soldiers. They carry a familiar sign on them. I was given this by one of your soldiers looking into the crime scene." Fuyutski stated while throwing the piece of armor towards Gendo. Gendo stopped typing and examined the piece quickly. While doing so, a smile grew on his face while he looked at Fuyutski. Then he turned into the cold collected Gendo everyone was familiar with.  
"Looks like we have a game going on now don't we?"  
"Gendo, this isn't a game, you're toying with your own son's life and that of humanity!"  
"Fuyutski, it's like a game, now we have to get to Shinji or else we lose and they win, and vice versa. Either way, we're tampering with the life and fate of a human life."  
"But –"  
"Continue the experiment, we don't have much time until they'll make a move, that's how they've been."  
Fuyutski walked out in outrage, holding it in as he understood Gendo's point, the door shutting behind him. Gendo looked out into the lab again, watching his "masterpiece" continue to be crafted.

--SHINJI, ASUKA AND MISATO--

"HOW DID HE GET TOUJI? WHAT HAPPENED!" a voice yelled in outrage and pain. Misato had a panged look on her face while Asuka sat with dread and horror.  
"I tried telling you but you hung up on me. Shinji, we have to –" Misato said to try to soothe the monster harboring Shinji's body, but no effect.  
"HOW DID MY FATHER GET TOUJI? HOW THE FUCK WAS HE ABLE TO GET HIM?" yelled Shinji with anger, Misato afraid of the Shinji sees never seen before.  
"They broke into the house, knocked out his parents and took Touji. They tried to leave a note to make it seem like he ran away, but no one can forget his handwriting." Said Misato, handing Shinji the note. Shinji took it in his right hand, reading it to himself:

_Dear Mom and Dad:_

_I've ran away to gather myself and look upon my life. I want to ask Hikari to marry me this summer, and as much as you don't approve, I'm going to do so. Even if it means that I will leave you here. I wish you and my sister the best life can bring, but I have to go._

_Love,  
Touji_

Shinji crumpled up the paper and started to cry, his body trembling in fear. He felt his world shattering into pieces, and a new form of hatred flowing in his veins.  
"I'm going to kill him, I'm going to kill him with my own hands. Touji…why…" Shinji continued while he continued to sob and tremble.  
Misato saw this and wanted to comfort him, tears escaping her eyes. She was frozen from the sight, and felt her anger towards Gendo escaping and wanting to come out. She wanted to walk out of the house and kill Gendo personally. She wanted to end this boy's pain, no matter what the cost was. She hated seeing him always in pain, a burden always carried on his shoulders. It seemed as if the whole time she'd known him, he had this big burden placed on his shoulders. Even when Third Impact started, and they found him to be the center piece of it all, she couldn't help but feel for Shinji. He was always alone in what he went through, his life always plundered in suffering. She still felt herself frozen, but still wanted to comfort him.  
However, it wasn't her arms that went around Shinji, but another's. Shinji looked behind him, and saw two blue eyes that connected with him, that was in sync with him. It was something he felt comfort in and held onto her tightly.  
"Shinji, it's going to be okay, Touji will be okay I promise." Said Asuka while tears stramed down her face. He looked at her and stopped sobbing, finding comfort in her eyes.  
"I'll always be here for you Shinji, I promise you that. You were special to me because I love you. I've learned that twice now, and this time I don't want to lose you. So I promise you I'll be here for you." She said as the tears receded from them both. Misato watched this scene with a smile as she watched the bond being forged between the two now.  
Asuka and Shinji held each other, an embrace that carried what seemed a whole new meaning behind it. Their eyes still carried pools of tears, but they found themselves lost in the comfort of their own arms.  
They were alone in the world, but alas they've finally found each other. In the pain of others and a relation of feeling, through comfort a new bond had been formed.


	13. Progression: Stage 3: Advancement

Might I apologize again to you. I know this story has taken this long and it has been hard keeping up with this story. So I'll say I found the plans for the next few chapters and I'm allowing the idea to try and work its way into the story, but this is a work of allowing the words to decide how the story goes. I'm a bit rusty, as you might be able to see, and if someone would love to edit than I'll give you stuff when I can! Otherwise please tell me what you think and I hope you can tell me if you think it good or the worst piece of junk you've read.

With that in mind, I hope you enjoy and take care! - theWanderingANBU

* * *

Progression Stage 3: Advancement – You Will (Not) Escape

"I can't believe I am going to try this. If he were watching down on me now he'd be laughing at me." She took a puff of smoke and blew it out, the cigarette burning fresh in her mouth. A cough escaped from her lungs, a gag soon following after. She looked at the cigarette now in her hand and wondered why this was a habit for others, putting it in the ash tray. For two days straight she had been looking for her friend, afraid that something had happened to her. With a sigh she folded her right leg over her left and continued to read the news on the monitor.

"There's been no break in at her apartment, cats are fine, just she's out of the picture." She told herself with disappointment ringing in her voice, leaning back into the chair, "This makes as much sense as alcohol education websites…but then again look at what had happened in our history."  
"Major!" shouted a voice from the distance, causing her to peer over her shoulder with an impatient look. The man stopped in front of her and stood there as if awaiting orders. She turned around trying to hold her anger as she waited impatiently.  
She always hated this part.  
"What is it? Is it about Ritsuko?" she said with frustration setting the tone. He stood there now nervous, mentally preparing to tell the news to her.  
"We've received a report that someone had found her roaming the streets of a town called Denver in Colorado. No one knows how she got there, the only thing we know is she's been spilling some news containing the words "serum" and "humanity's stand". Nothing else is clear. For two months though, no one has reported her in."

"Where did you get this reports from?"

"Several people Major Katsuragi."

"Any key witnesses to her, anyone report her more than once or give you several accounts?"

"One did, though it's really weird to say."

"And that is?"

"Kaji."

She took another puff of the cigarette and let it shoot out of her mouth like horse races. She pushed it into the smoke tray right next to her.

Everything deserves a second chance right?

---SHINJI ------------------

He winced at the pain while sweat danced on his body. His muscles were tensing, and all he could do was try and hold back a scream. This wasn't something he was used to, and it was constant. Another surge of pain escalated his feeling, and he surpressed his scream loud enough. All he could do was hold onto the sink, while sweat trickled down his forehead with ridicule and stare absentmindedly into space. All he could hear was his heavy breathing that remained at a constant beat, and his heart beat that was thumping as loud as a drummer's foot on the bass pedal.  
This is what had been happening for the past two months after the incident deeling with what seemed SEELE and his father. Ever since the bullet had grazed him, he felt a physiological change developing.

"Damn it, I have to fight this! There has to be a way to stop this…" he thought to himself while he moved his trembling left hand to turn on the faucet. Then, slowly morphing his hands into a cup, he felt a splash of relief on his face. He looked into the reflection of the mirror, finally able to see himself in the mirror and saw himself.

He pushed off of the sink, his body shaking but still functioning. While the sun was awakening from it slumber he felt his body go through another wave of pain. He was able to get the shower running while he felt himself struggle to get into the shower.

The water seemed to cool him off while he held himself steady on the wall. His muscles began to relax and the pain receded. With a breath of relief he fell into a sitting position and stared out into space.

Shinji had found himself muttering words he didn't understand why he was saying them.

"God is in heaven. All is right on Earth."

However to him it seemed nothing was right with him. At least not anymore.

---UNKNOWN----

"It seems that our plan has grown into fruition, though many lives were lost." Said the voice of one, a box with number three appearing from thin air.

"No matter the amount of losses, we will final have the projects and prophecies fulfilled,and the world will become one." Said another, a box with number five visualizing.

"Though it seems it will take longer than prophecied, it seems it is not taking control of him like we had read. It seems his system has built antibodies that have been slowing the process down." Said another in a nonchalant tone, box number one forming before their eyes.

"Ikari must be furious with what has transpired, we're probably going to see some moves of his soon." Ladled box number four.

"It will not matter because Ikari's actions will not be able to tamper with the events that have been set in motion." Box number two said with indifference.

"What about the acquiring of Dr. Ritsuko Akagi?" questioned number 1.

"We have no information on her whereabouts, and it seems information stopped on her quite some time ago. We even had others check if she was in America when her profile was unlocked, but no one has found her yet." Said box three with monosyllabic tone.

"What about the spies in Ikari's lab?" asked number four with curiosity.

"All were executed by Gendo, no one in our spie department dares to dive into the place now. However we were able to obtain that Gendo is working on some form of chemical, though it's effect we're not sure of." Stated box 5 with a cold tone.

"Sir, it seems that Gendo's old operations, NERV, is still in operation. In fact, they have an airplane that is flying to America that is a Top Secret reason." Box two exclaimed, as if still on a phone.

"Who is on the plane?" questioned box five with curiosity.

"That was also left confidential." Box two retorted back.

"It's weird being that NERV has no government position." Stated box four

"Yet it seems that they still have some jurisdiction over their private matters." Said box three

"We will decree a request to the Japanese Government to gain access to the base, and request some soldiers from the JSSDF in case NERV is still Operational. Let us unite as God again!" shouted Box 1 with anticipation.

Then in a split second they had vanised.

---MISATO-----

"It's just as I figured, the government has granted an organization that I can't get the name of. Did you delete all files off of the computers Aoba?" asked Misato on the phone, her hopes dwindling on the answer.

"Yes, all systems wiped clean. No papers left, nothing. If this organization is hoping for something to find they won't. And before you asked I have harddrives containing everything in NERV databases that are stored here. Misato, what's going on? Why call on me now when it seems I haven't been asked for anything in a long term. And NERV? Why?" he stammered while Misato held herself calm to explain.

"Aoba, Shinji was hunted couple of months ago by someone we don't know. Gendo has been working on something or doing something while Ritsuko went "missing". There's something happening between Gendo and some other organization I don't know. I used NERV because it was the easiest thing to do and the reputation it held from Third Impact."

"What about the EVAs? The MAGI?"

"I used a program to shut down the MAGI until I get back, and the EVAs were sent back to Germany in order to keep them safe. I have a feeling that we're going to need them soon, so I've been keeping maintenance on them."

"Even though you know what is within the EVAs?"

She hated that question and the feeling it riled inside of her. Ever since she saw the sights of Central Dogma, and been shown the ugly side…the thought repulsed her.

Still, the were the masterpiece of mankind and the saviors of the world, wouldn't it be practical to allow them to reign once again if needed?

"We might need them, who knows what can happen in the future."

"Misato –"

"Aoba, I disagree on how they were built too, but you have to realize that they've saved our lives countless times and stopped the doom humanity was facing. Wouldn't it still be practical to use them in case of an apacolyptic emergency?"

"Would it still be humane if you were the soul trapped inside and never allowed to transpire off into death?"

"Ao-"

The phone rang dead as she slammed the phone in frustration. Had she not looked at this from a humane perspective? Was one evil lesser than the bigger evil? She felt herself frustrated from it all as she peered out the window.

In that split second she caught a glance of an object heading towards her.

Explosion, just near Liberty Island as her eyes watched the motion.

---GENDO AND FUYUTSKI----

"We have to try again! There can't be a mistake in this late of procedures!" he snapped looked in a cold glance towards the laboratory, suppressing any anger he could. He knew he had to keep up this image, or so he told himself.

Either way, he was presenting himself as the ruthless man he could never strive to be.

"Ikari, we saw the variable and we've tried to tamper with it and still nothing works. You already have the blood of one innocent person on your hand, do you want to see another?" Fuyutski pleaded, staring at Ikari's back in hopes he could feel his pleading.

"We can't stop Fuyutski, we've come this close! I have not given orders for this operation to desist, and it will not for the longest time." Continued Ikari, fixing his glasses while he continued to stay in place. Fuyutski could feel his blood boil at the ignorance of his student and now boss, but he tried to hold it back.

"Gendo, you're trying to play God. You're trying to stop what has been set in stone for many years. You've postponed it once, do you think you should try again?" he hit a nerve, a bone, anything he begged for. He wanted it to strike Gendo and make him reconsider everything once again.

"We will be able to make sure that we will succeed with this Fuyutski. I will not give this up, and we will find a way to make this formula. It has to work. With its opposite already been used and in place, then this has to work." Gendo stated in a calm manner, which had hit Fuyutski's nerve and unleashed his rage.

"WE HAVE NO ONE ELSE GENDO! THIS SERUM YOU'RE TRYING TO CREATE CANNOT EXIST! THE OTHER EXISTS BECAUSE IT THE EVENTS THAT ARE TO FOLLOW IT ARE MEANT TO HAPPEN AND WE SUPPOSED TO! ENOUGH OF THIS MADNESS!" scolded Fuyutski, breathing in deep breaths after that. He felt himself enthused by the release of rage and his hope increased after. Fuyutski believed that after that statement there was no other way around.

"We have another specimen for this, and we'll give it one last shot." Gendo stated after a moments pause, which made Fuyutski feel pushed off of his feet. Ryo has truly gone mad!

"But Ikari, if you're saying we can test Rei, that'll be it of her, she'll cease to exist." Stated Fuyutski, knowing how to hit the soft spot Gendo had left for Rei.

"We can always remake her, I have cloned samples and the equations needed. So let's do it." Gendo said, walking past Fuyutski and into the Laboratory.

Fuyutski stood there silent, already imagining the blood he felt on his hands.

---UNKNOWN-----

"It seems we must take action now, for NERV has no records left in their computers" stated a voice, a box numbered two appearing from the darkness.

"And from reports on the boy show it will stop spreading in the boy unless we antagonize him, bring him fear or pain. That is what it feeds on." Said another voice, box five showing up.

"With one pest taken care of though in NERV, we'll at least help it grow some then. Deploy soldiers and issue by decree that the following people will be taken by the government in order to push our day forward." Cried Box number one.

They continued on, the red from their letters shining brighter and brighter in the red they had created in this world.

---SHINJI---

He was already cooking breakfast, his body feeling numb as he started to prepare the eggs for scrambling. Asuka wasn't awake yet, so he figured it was a perfect chance to surprise her and at least help her day start off in a great way. He felt a smile grow on his face and he realized how the past two months had been, how life had seemed to change because of her. Besides the pain and the constant fear of being chased, he felt that for some reason he was content. He finally had the girl he'd always wanted: he had Asuka.

And to him that was all that truly mattered.

The phone rang off in the front room as he started the fire on the stove. He turned off the stove and held it to his ear, silenced by the words ringing out of the phone…

--ASUKA----

"RING RING RING RING RING RING RING!"

SMACK!

Another alarm clock she had to buy, she mumbled as she sat up while yawning, almost in a sleep like trance. She felt her body starting to fall back onto the bed, as if the pillow was calling her head to lie down. This was routine to her as well, but she enjoyed it. After all the smell she would receive was a nice foray of eggs, bacon, and…wait…where was it…

The smell wasn't permeating the air like normal, and if you figure in the equation of a grumpy, sleep Asuka minus the savory smell of breakfast….

Shinji was in for a treat…

"Shinji, is breakfast going?" she yelled out for him to hear, sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

No Answer.

"Shinji?"

No Answer.

"Baka?"

Still no response.

Asuka could feel her impatience rising, but held it back because she was trying to weigh different reasons. Maybe he wasn't feeling well, or maybe he was still asleep, or if anything some mysterious alien kidnapped him and was probbing him forgetting to bring him back. Or, if anything else, Shinji ran off, which she was hoping hadn't happened. Asuka decided to walk to the kitchen to make sure everything was alright, her anger receded for the most part. She couldn't stay mad at him anymore, not like she used to anyway.

During the past two months she had been feeling happy, a change that she needed for her life. Ever since that night, they'd explored something she never thought could exist between her and Shinji. They held hands, kissed under the moon, and had shared the same bed together. It felt like she was 4 years younger, the little girl who was in love but could never admit it. It was a bond she could only describe it as indescribable, and the thought that he was with her made her feel butterflies in her stomach. Instead of EVA being her sanctuary, she was starting to see that he was becoming her sanctuary.

"Shinji, are you in here? Is ever-," she said, walking through the hallway into the kitchen, only to see Shinji standing over the phone. She tried listening in as she hid behind a wall, curious as to what was causing Shinji to look this calm but wrathful at the same time.

---SHINJI---

"Is she alright?" he asked while he tried to regain his composure.

"Tell me this is not happening, please someone tell me this isn't happening…" he thought to himself, hoping that at least some good news could exist in this situation.

"I don't know Shinji, no one knows now…" said Aoba over the phone, causing Shinji to feel his body weaken.

"Thank you Aoba, I--," Shinji started to cut himself off, until a thought hit him.

"They're trying to get me in another way. Instead of direct force they're --," He brought himself back to reality, this time with a different attitude.

"Aoba, listen to me, you need to get out of your house now. If I'm right, you're going to have soldiers coming to your house and kidnapping you. You're in danger because you've talked to me." Said Shinji in a calm but huried manner.

"Why Shinji? What's going on now?" Aoba said in a hurried and troubled voice. Shinji tried to remain calm.

"Arm yourself, if I'm right, you're going to have company soon. I'm going to let you go Aoba, just get out of your place and find somewhere else to hide in!"

"But --,"

He hung up the phone, rushing over to where Asuka was, causing Asuka to flinch and run back to her room. By the time she reached the bed, pretending to get up, Shinji looked at her with with a rush.

"Asuka we need to go now. Put on something you can move in fast, and when you're done, meet me in my room. We have to move fast." He told her while he went back to his room. He started to fish around for the gun Misato had given him, and scanned it. He was quickly making sure there were some rounds left in the magazine he was given, and the chamber was clean. He put the gun in his pants for the moment. Shinji pulled out the other gun he had bought when he was along for those four years. Scanning it, he found it fine and placed it on the bed. He heard Asuka walk into his room.

"What's wrong Shinji?" she asked him while he scanned to see what she was wearing. Jeans and a red shirt, with the red neuron connectors in her hair. Perfect, Shinji thought to himself as he tossed Asuka the gun, her hands coming out like a reflex.

"Asuka we don't have time to explain, we have to get out now. Just turn off the safety and be ready. I have two extra clips, one for you and one for me. We're not bringing anything else with us except our wallets, cellphones and these." Shinji told her while walking out of his bedroom, leaving Asuka stunned as if pinned to the floor. A moment later, she felt her body unfreeze, following Shinji behind.

"Shinji, where are we going? This is insane!" she snapped at him while he pinned himself against the wall to the left side of the door.

"I need you to stay behind me Asuka, this is going to get crazier, I'll explain once we get a car…" he said as he readied himself with the gun.

"Anta Baka, we don't have a car! What has gotten into you?" she asked him while moving towards him, behind him pinned against the wall.

"Now stay behind me and everything will be explained later." He told her while he opened the door, waiting a second before stepping outside. He held his gun up, ready to fire when needed to. Slowly he walked along the path, watching for little movements everywhere, hoping that he wouldn't find anyone. Asuka followed close behind him, watching his back for something she didn't know.

They reached the elevator safely, until they heard a "DING!" sound. Shinji then told Asuka to stay by his side, hiding on the right side of the elevator. He saw armed men rushing towards their apartment and waited until they were out of sight.

"Get in, we have to move now! They're going to find we're not in there and we're going to have to move fast."

Asuka nodded, running into the elevator and pressing the button, Shinji rushing into the elevator while the door closed. He could hear them saying "Sir they're not up here, prepearing to go downstairs."

Asuka looked at him, confused at this and also a little bit angry with the situation.

"Who were those guys and what did you do this time?" she asked him while they stood in the elevator, a look of rage penning itself unto her face.

"I didn't do anything Asuka, why do--," he started to say, cut off by Asuka.

"Anta Baka, you usually do something to anger someone. Usually it's someone like Touji or some other kid who just wants someone to melee on. Instead, it seems you've moved up on your taste."

"No I didn't Asuka! These people are --,"

"The same as the last attack, I know that. I'm saying apparently you have a masochistic side or something. You seem to have pain follow you everywhere."

"No thanks Asuka, I'm good without pain. Besides we're almost through." He told her with a smile, this uneasy comfort spreading between him and Asuka, "Now be ready." She nodded at him, ready with the gun.

The door opened and three men were waiting at the door. Shinji fired two shots, hitting one in the chest and the other in the leg. Before the other could call the for backup, Asuka shot him in the head. They all fell to the ground holding on to their wounds while Shinji held Asuka's hand, leading her to the nearest car.

Shinji broke open the window, sending the alarm off. He unlocked the door, telling her to get in. While Asuka got in, he broke the other window and got in.

"Damn it, c'mon Shinji think, you place these…" he started muttering under his breath as he heard more gunfire from the side.

"You better hurry baka because he comes the stampede…" she said while she continued to give blind fire. His hands started shaking as he felt the pain fluctuate into his body again. He was fighting it desperately, hoping to pull through in order to get them out of here.

"Shinji hurry up! I don't have much left!" she screamed as he took his last chance. The car came to life and he felt himself wincing in pain while rushing to get up.

He sat up and pulled the shift into proper gear, the car accelerating. He took in a deep breath and continued driving, his muscles tensing and his heart beating profusely.

For twenty minutes they sat silent, Asuka unsure of what to say or think. This had been a crazy morning for her. She hated the silence though, and had to break it before it became a pandemic for them.

"What's going on Shinji? Why is this happening?" she asked him while he continued to stare out into the road. A moment of silence passed as she felt frustration building up in her, but this time she couldn't hold it back.

"Baka, what the hell is going on here? We almost died back there, we had to break into a car, and on top of that you haven't told me what you has you this concerned. Tell me now!" she snapped at him, staring at him and hoping he'd pick up the signal that her patience was growing thin. He didn't look at her, but his lips had started to move.

"Misato might be dead Asuka, her plane was shot down by someone, and we don't know where she is."

She felt her heart stop for a moment and she continued to look at him in fear. She had to force the next few words to come ot of her mouth.

"Where are we going then?"

"We're going to the last place she was trying to go to. We're going to America."


	14. Announcement!

This is to let you know that to those who are reading this story and have it as favorites I've decided to redo it and have a new story that is up that is basically this story but with edited chapters.

Thank you to those who've stuck to it all these years, and forgive me for such a slow pace. I swear it will be done soon!


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